Let The Right One In
by the short bus
Summary: Sasuke and Naruto have been friends forever. But, will a series of unfortunate events pull them together? Is this really love? Will Naruto "let the right one in"? Get my pun?
1. Chapter 1

It was a clear night in June. Naruto remembered it vividly. The song Space Bound by Eminem was playing on his pink iPod. "_I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon and I'm aiming right at you, right at you. 250,000 miles on a clear night in June..." _Naruto sung lightly to himself, looking up at the moon. The blonde-haired queer felt his heart clench painfully. Why was love so complicated? Why couldn't his one love with the chicken ass hair love him back? Why couldn't he let him pound the absolute fuck out of his asian ass?

He was walking around the block, lost in thought. It had to be at least 3 AM. He wanted to be with Sasuke, but he wasn't sure that Sasuke felt the same way. I mean, Sasuke sent him mixed signals. It was just _so_ confusing. Naruto's vision suddenly became blurry, suddenly realizing tears were forming in the corner of his eyes.

"Okay," Naruto mumbled to himself, pulling his iPod out. "Maybe I should change it to a happier song."

He turned it to Wobble Wobble by V.I.C. and his mood instantly changed. The teen suddenly felt the need to dance like a little faggot in the middle of the street, so he did. He bended down to touch his toes and glided like a queer on crack. Naruto felt his confidence build-up as he did some wicked moves in the dark streets of Konoha. He didn't care if anyone thought he was crazy. They could go jump on Tsunade's dick.

After the song ended, he was covered in sweat, and his make-up was messy. But, he didn't care. He felt like a million dollars. He had to confess his love for Sasuke! He _had_ to! Especially since he was motivated. Naruto knew it was 3 AM and Sasuke was most likely asleep, but this couldn't wait! He blushed at the thought of Sasuke's sexy face staring at him while he was sexually teasing him.

Naruto dashed down the street like a black person running from the cops. He didn't stop running until he made it to the last house on the left, which was Sasuke's. The raven-haired male kept his yard perfect 24/7. His house was painted by Sai; the color was a light pink. Sasuke was going for "A Barbie Dream House" but ended up with just a queer pink house. Oh, well. It still looked nice. To Sasuke, anyway. All the other kids in the neighborhood would poop on Sasuke's lawn, leaving the dark-haired man to clean it up day after day after day. Naruto actually felt sorry for the emo.

Naruto walked up the steps of his front-porch, breathing in deeply before knocking on the door.

"This is it!" Naruto whispered, butterflies in his stomach.

After several moments of nothing, Naruto knocked again, even harder. The blonde suddenly screeched, "What if Sasuke isn't home?"

Naruto continued pounding on the door non-stop for about 25 minutes. After his fists were numb and bleeding, he stopped. Sasuke was obviously not home. Naruto frowned, having the urge to cry like a Charlie Sheen when his cocaine was taken away. Where could Sasuke be? All the shops in Konoha were closed for the night. There was no excuse!

Naruto sniffed, turning around to walk back home, when suddenly he slipped and fell.

"Oh fuck!" Naruto cursed as he fell down the hard and cold stairs that were made of steel. After his painful fall, he landed in someone's lap. He looked up to see who it was. Of course it was no one other than Sasuke!

"S-Sasuke..." Naruto whispered, blushing as his onyx eyes bored into his blue ones.

"Are you okay, Naruto? Wait, why the hell are you here?" Sasuke demanded, pushing Naruto off of him.

"Uhm, why are _you_ here?" Naruto spat.

Sasuke huffed in annoyance, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I just went for a walk. Why are _you_ at my house?" After seveal moments of intense silence, Sasuke glared at the blonde and spat, "Are you trying to break-in and steal my turtle figurine collection?"

Naruto stood up, brushing the dust off his queer-looking khakis. "No. I-I actually came to tell you something, Sasuke. I... I lo-"

"Wait, let's go inside first. It's hotter than the Rainbow Bar and Grill out here." Sasuke interrupted. The raven-haired male walked up the steps of the porch, pulling out his house-keys from his pocket.

Once when they were inside, Naruto sat on Sasuke's pink fluffy couch, waiting for Sasuke to give him the confirmation to speak. After Sasuke came back into the living room, he sat beside Naruto, looking at him lazily.

"Well? What do you have to tell me?" he asked.

Naruto breathed in deeply, ignoring his heart pounding in his chest, "S-Sasuke... I... I love - "

Suddenly, Naruto farted REALLY loud, making him completely forget what he was going to say to Sasuke.

"T-That wasn't me! That... that was... uhm..." Naruto stuttered, embarassed.

Sasuke looked at Naruto with a confused expression. "Naruto... did you just... fart?" Sasuke asked, his voice low and husky.

"Um, yeah... I'm sorry, Sasuke... I had beans earlier..." Naruto let out a small nervous chuckle and let out a small poot again. Naruto's eyes turned into saucers as he released yet ANOTHER fart.

Sasuke blinked. "That kinda turns me on actually, Naruto..."

"What? R-Really...?"

"Yeah, really."

Suddenly, Sasuke pulled down Naruto's pants and boxers, leaving his cock and butt bare to him.

"Sasuke! What the fucking _hell_ are you doing?" Naruto screamed, trying to pull his boxers up.

"No, don't you dare. I want to see your body, Naruto." Sasuke whispered in the blonde's ear, nipping at his ear-lobe.

Naruto blushed, trying to hold back a massive fart.

Sasuke smirked deviously at the blonde. He had figured him out. Oh, damn it all!

"You need to fart, don't you Naruto?"

"Yeah, but it's embarassing, Sasuke..."

"Do it or else I'm gonna do the Souja Boy." Sasuke narrowed his eyes, growling.

Naruto's eyes widened. "No! Anything but that!"

Sasuke ignored his blonde friend and stood up, beginning to do the Soulja Boy, scaring the absolute shit out of the blonde-haired teenager.

"Oh, the horror! The horror!" Naruto screamed, releasing another huge fart. It was really wet, loud, and sloppy sounding. It pleased Sasuke greatly.

Sasuke watched as a turd flew out of Naruto's butthole and landed on the floor with a soft thud.

"Holy shit!" Naruto screamed, his face flushing with embarassment. "That isn't what it looks like!"

"Naruto, do you have the massive shits or something?" Sasuke teased.

Naruto glared. "_You're_ the one who made me do it, you fag!"

Suddenly, a loud knock at the door was heard. They both jumped at the harsh knocks at the door. It was now 4 AM. Who the heck could it possibly be? Sasuke quickly darted to the light-switch and flipped it off, returning to his spot beside Naruto.

"Who the hell could that be?" Naruto asked, pulling his pants up.

"I don't know." Sasuke responded, peeking out the blinds, but it was too dark to see anything.

"What if it's the turd monster!" Naruto shrieked, hiding underneath Sasuke's coffee table.

"There's no such thing as the turd monster, you queer!" Sasuke snapped, throwing a lamp into the darkness, hitting Naruto in the head.

"Ow! You fucking bitch!" Naruto yelped, rubbing his head.

Suddenly the lamp got up and dashed out the backdoor of Sasuke's house, no one else noticing it.

"You're really fucking stupid Sasuke," a voice said from outside. "Turning the light off and pretending no one is home. How the hell could that fool ANYONE? Oh, yeah, and I can fucking hear BOTH OF YOU. I'm not the turd monster - and yes, HE'S REAL."

"Wait, I recognize that voice," Sasuke said, running across the room and opening the door. "Kakashi? What the _fuck _are you doing here?"

"I just came back from a party with Jiraiya and Gai and I thought I'd stop by," Kakashi said, smiling behind his mask.

"At 4 in the morning?" Sasuke said, pointing to his wrist-watch.

"Well, yeah!" Kakashi turned to Naruto sitting on the couch awkwardly. "What's Naruto doing here?"

"We were just talking," Sasuke lied.

"Seriously, what the fuck were you guys doing before I... interuppted you two?" Kakashi asked, not giving up on the subject. He stook a step foward, hearing a loud _SPAT!_ noise. He lifted up his foot, noticing shit on his ninja shoe.

"That's Naruto's shit," Sasuke stated.

"He took a shit in your living room? Well, that wouldn't be the first time..." Kakashi trailed off.

"Naruto ate too many beans today and he made a poopy on himself." Sasuke smirked.

Kakashi smirked behind his mask. "You are a legit dumbass, Naruto."

"I am not!" Naruto whimpered, tears forming in his eyes.

"Yeah, you are." Kakashi said cooly.

Suddenly that demented mothafucka named Kakashi pulled a cheeseburger out of his pocket and threw it at Naruto.

Naruto screamed in pain as the cheeseburger hit him hard on his head.

Sasuke glared at Kakashi, but said nothing. Sasuke wanted badly to defend Naruto, but he knew that he couldn't take on Kakashi; his sensei. He would get his ass kicked all the way back to Hong Kong... and he isn't even Chinese.

"Eat that you fat-fuck." Kakashi demanded, smushing it in Naruto's face. The older man then turned around and walked out of Sasuke's house quietly, saying a soft, "Good-bye!" to Sasuke before shutting the door behind him.

Naruto pulled some lettuce out of his spikey hair, embarassed by tonight's antics. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come over to Sasuke's after all. Now there was no way to admit his love for Sasuke now. Not tonight, at least.

"S-Sasuke? About tonight... I -"

"I'll walk you out, Naruto." Sasuke interuppted yet again.

"But, Sasuke, it's too late for me to walk home. Can I sleep on the couch or something?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, about to object to the idea.

"Please? I don't want to get gang-banged by a bunch of Konoha gangsters! You know, black people have big cocks and my butthole is really sensitive!" Naruto pleaded, giving him a puppy-dog face.

"Fine, Naruto," Sasuke signed. "But, please clean up after yourself before you leave in the morning, alright?"

"Okay, Sasuke." Naruto said with glee.

Sasuke turned around and headed down the hallway to where his bedroom was, shutting the door with a loud bang. Naruto just sat there awkwardly for a moment before laying down on the couch, pulling a pillow against his chest. He wished things would have been different. Kakashi just _had _to interrupt them while they were about to get to the good part. Naruto sighed, feeling tears form in the corner of his eyes yet again. He then spotted one of his turds across Sasuke's living room.

Naruto cried and crawled over to were the turd was... He then began to sculpt a small action figure of Sasuke out of the turd.

He smiled softly at the turd's face which reminded him of Sasuke.

"If only you knew how much I loved you, my sweet Sasuke..." Naruto whimpered, wiping away the tears that ran down his cheeks.

He then stood to his feet, his Sasuke turd action figure at hand, and placed it on Sasuke's mantel next to his turtle figurines. He knew that the action figure wouldn't last for long. During the winter, Sasuke would leave the fireplace on and it would probably melt the turd into a heaping pool of diarrhea.

Naruto then crawled back onto the couch, curling up, shutting his eyes peacefully. He had work in a few hours and he _knew_ it was gonna be hell.

Damn it all.

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**AN: **I don't own Naruto. Hope you enjoyed, bitches and gentlemen.


	2. Chapter 2

Naruto awoke to the sound of a very familiar song. Rubbing his tired eyes, he sat up, the sun coming out the window nearly blinding him. Squinting his already slanted asian eyes, he looked out the window. His eyes widened at the sight he saw; three birds were sitting outside of the window singing Single Ladies by Beyonce. He watched them several moments, thinking it was one of his delusions he saw while smoking a big fat blunt. When suddenly the realization hit him; he hasn't done drugs recently!

He gasped as he looked at the birds shaking their feathery asses at his window, almost in a mocking fashion. One of the birds turned around, smacking it's ass, winking at Naruto. Naruto drew his eyebrows downward. The birds were mocking him, and since Naruto was a bratty teenager, that was something he just wouldn't allow.

"Die you son of a bitches." Naruto said cooly, pulling out a gun that he coincidentally found. He felt like one of those cool, muscular people in those action movies. It nearly made him want to go to the gym to work out and gain muscles, since he was a tall yet very fat teenage boy. But, he shook the thoughts away momentarily. He just inwardly decided he'd get some diet tips from Sakura.

He then shot the birds in their assholes, making them explode into a frenzy of feathers and blood. The blonde laughed cruedly, opening the window to fart on their dead bodies. It was creul, but Naruto didn't care. He didn't need to wake-up at the crack of dawn to see bird crack in his face. Especially to Single Ladies; a horrible, horrible song. Naruto wasn't a lady, but he was, however, single. Naruto sighed softly.

He quickly took off his pajamas that were designed with cute, pink frogs. He has wore some bunny slippers he bought for 1 dollar at the Dollar Tree. Naruto quickly put them in his purse, putting his clothes on, which consisted of his usual orange jump-suit. Naruto seriously needed to go on that show called, "What Not To Wear."

Putting his ninja sandles on, he caught himself humming Single Ladies. He mentally slapped himself before heading out Sasuke's front door. Careful not to fall down the steel stairs that he fell down last night, he held onto the railing carefully. That's when he suddenly felt the huge bruise on his ass, flexing it softly. Naruto didn't have much muscle, except in his ass - for obvious reasons.

Naruto suddenly caught himself thinking about Sasuke. His heart fluttered at the thought of him. He could not believe he slept at his house. His house smelled of Cinnamon Buns and banana flavored condoms. Everytime Naruto would smell either of those scents, he'd think of Sasuke. Naruto smiled, prancing around like the little 6'1 queer he was. Suddenly his happy thoughts were interuppted.

Naruto realized that he promised Sakura he'd stop by to give her this old Will Smith CD that he found at a garage sale for 50 cents. He turned on his heel, quickly dashing off to the pinkette's house. When her house suddenly came into view, he saw her dad in the front yard, watering the shrubs. The man was 46 years old, and was graying slightly, but it was hardly noticable due to the fact that he had pink hair! Yes, you heard right. _Pink hair._ When Naruto first met Sakura's dad for the first time, he pointed at the old man, nearly falling to the floor in laughter. Ever since then, he and Naruto have not been on good terms.

Naruto tried to tip-toe past him. For a minute, he thought he succeeded in avoiding chaos with the man. He was about to step on the porch when he heard a booming voice from behind him. Naruto automatically froze.

"Naruto Uzumaki! What the fuck are you doing you turd?"

The old man tended to yell quite alot. Well, at least whenever Naruto was around. It was one of his annoying habits. Gulping in fear, the blonde turned to face the tall and muscular man. The pink-haired man's eyes were narrowed, his jaw set; if looks could kill, Naruto would be as dead as New Kids On The Block. The blonde boy scratched behind his head sheepishy as he responded, "Um, I wanted to give Sakura this CD she asked for. Is she awake?"

"No, you fucking moron!" he bellowed.

"O-Oh. Um, well, could you give this CD to her and -"

"NO, YOU MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY!" the old man yelled so loud, that it sent Naruto flying backwards, landing on the freshly-cut lawn. He blinked several times before turning his attention back to the older male, seeing that he was coming towards him with the water hose.

"Boy, you best watch out!" the old man said, his accent suddenly country. "If you don't leave my property, I'm gonna shove this water hose up your ass and give you _my _version of a motherfucking enima!"

Naruto gulped, trying to get up, but the old man turned the water hose on full-blast and pointed it at Naruto. Trying to make a dash for safety, the old man turned the hose on, making Naruto skid across the lawn. The blonde boy sputtered, trying to calm the old man down. But, everytime he tried to open his mouth, it was filled up with water.

After several moments - which seemed like hours - the old man suddenly stopped with his violent actions. Naruto panted heavily, pulling some of his wet, blonde locks out of his eyes to see Sakura roughly take the hose out of her father's hands.

"Dad, stop!" Sakura yelled. "You're gonna kill him!"

"Well, that's the idea!"

Sakura only huffed in annoyance, putting a hand on her hip. She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could say anything, her father made a move to take the hose from his daughter. She quickly pointed it at him, _literally _putting his ass on blast. The old man went flying in the air, over a fence, and into the neighbor's bush. Sakura muttered a soft "oops" before turning to face Naruto.

"Are you okay, Naruto? Sorry, my dad is just extra angry because he has to take pills to get his dick up nowadays." Sakura mumbled, tossing the hose carelessly to the side.

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine..." Naruto said hoarsely, not actually knowing if he was fine or not. He coughed several times before wobbly standing to his feet.

"Come inside and I'll fix you a cup of Koolaid." Sakura said.

"Koolaid? What the fuck is this? The hood?" Naruto joked, earning a light smack across the back of his head from the pinkette.

"It's not the hood, moron! We live on the suburban side of Konoha where the houses are separated by 4 feet and we all have good lives and don't give a fuck about poor people!" she growled in a suburban-fashion.

"I was just kidding, geez. Besides, you were the one that wanted this ghetto Will Smith CD." Naruto mumbled, pulling the scratched up CD out from his purse.

Sakura's eyes immediately widened at the sight of the CD she always wanted. She squealed happily as she clutched the CD to her AA sized breasts. She pulled back to look at the cover, her heart fluttering as she saw Will Smith's goofy smile. Will was propping his face up by putting a finger on his chin, and wearing a cheesy blue tuxedo. Sakura wiped the drool that was running down her chin.

"God, he's so _fine_!" Sakura expressed, a smile on her face. She turned to look at Naruto with sudden lust in her eyes. "Anyway... come inside and I'll owe you by giving you a blow-job and a cup of Koolaid."

Naruto blinked several times before responding to the pinkette, "Um, Sakura, you know I'm gay, right?"

"Right." she said simply, walking up the steps of her porch.

Naruto facepalmed before following her into her house. He watched Sakura disappear into the kitchen, as he walked with a bit of swag in his step into the living room. Sitting on the couch, he stuided the white carpet, the polished tables, the flat screen TV; it pratically radiated suburban family. He nearly wanted to vomit on their plastic-covered couch. But, the blonde boy restrained himself. He digged up his nose, pulling out a huge, green booger, wiping it on the crystal clear coffee table. Naruto chuckled deviously as he got _another_ great idea in his head.

Naruto stood up, pulling down his orange jump-suit. He squatted in front of the table, letting a huge peice of shit that was about 50 feet long fall out his ass and onto the _once _spot-less table. He giggled slightly, then grunted as he pushed out another massive turd. He then felt liquid suddenly flow from his ass, his eyes grew wider than saucers. He tried to stop shitting, but it was just too hard. The shit kept flowing from his ass like a faucet.

Once the shit stopped flowing out his ass, he turned around to admire his work. But, he gasped at the disaster he saw. His liquid shit was all over their pure white carpet, and all over the wall, and most importantly... on their flat screen. Naruto let out a loud, shrill scream like a little boy being molested by Micheal Jackson.

Sakura quickly dashed into the room at Naruto's cry.

"Naruto! What's -" she stopped talking once she slipped and fell in a puddle of Naruto's dookie.

Naruto gasped in horror as Sakura fell flat onto her back into his massive pool of liquid crap. He quickly darted to her side, avoiding his own shit, before taking the pinkette's dookie-soaked hand to help her up. She gasped and sputtered, really confused about what was going on. Her emerald eyes met his blue one's in deep confusion.

"W-What the hell did I just fall in? Is that _chocolate_?" Sakura shrieked, looking at the brown substance in her living room.

"Umm... well..." Naruto stuttered, not sure of how to explain to his friend that he shitted in her living room on purpose.

"W-Wait... is that... is that _shit_?"

"I'm sorry, Sakura! I just did it because -"

"Wait! _You _did this? What the fuck, Naruto? Why did you shit in my living room? These stains aren't gonna come out!" the pink-haired girl yelled.

"I'm sorry, Sakura! But, you know I hate suburban people who brag about everything they have!" Naruto said frantically in a shrill voice.

"Oh! My dad is gonna kill you!" Sakura said, putting a hand over her mouth. "Who the hell does something like this anyway?"

"I-I don't know! I thought it would be a nice joke!" Naruto whimpered, tears flowing down his cheeks.

"A joke? Naruto, you don't understand," she said frantically. "He will _kill_ you."

"H-He wouldn't..."

"Yes, he would. If I were you, I'd start running for the hills... and check out that shitty problem you have. No pun intended..." Sakura trailed off, suddenly noticing flies starting to swarm around in her living room.

She groaned with annoyance as the flies were flying around her shit-covered hair that normally was silky and shiny. She quickly dashed upstairs, sobbing loudly about her hair being ruined. Naruto heard the shower running upstairs and loud sobbing from his pink-haired friend. He wanted to go up there and put a hand on her dookie-covered shoulder and tell her everything was okay. But, it wasn't.

Suddenly the front door of the Haruno's house opened, causing Naruto to jump. His eye's met the huge, muscular figure of Sakura' dad, carrying an _axe_. Naruto swore he could've faint like that time he went to the 70% off sale at Victoria's Secret. But, this time, it definitely wasn't in a good way. The blonde watched as the man's eyes widened at the sight he saw in his living room.

"Who the fuck did this?" his voice boomed.

Naruto just darted off, running up the stairs. Hearing a loud bang down stares, he assumed Mr. Haruno slipped into his giant pool of shit like Sakura did. His shit must've been extra slippery or something. He looked over the staire-railing and saw Mr. Haruno struggle to get up from the heaping pile of shit. Naruto couldn't help himself; he busted out laughing. The man looked up at him, glaring.

"I'm gonna come up there and shove this axe up your pee-hole, boy!" Mr. Haruno shouted, standing up, letting the shit drip off his pink mustache.

"Sakura! Help!" he screamed, frantically beating on her bedroom door.

"Don't you dare go into my daughter's bedroom, worthless fuck!" Sakura's dad bellowed from the bottom of the stairs.

Naruto swore he was about to shit himself again in the hallway as Sakura's musuclar, tall father came running up the hallway and charging after him like a bull. For a second, Naruto could've swore he saw steam coming out of the man's ears. Naruto ran the fastest he'd ever ran in his whole life as he bursted through a window in the hall-way, landing into their backyard pool with a loud splash. Naruto farted loudly at the impact, letting a turd shoot out his ass and land to the bottom of the pool.

Rising to the surface, gasping for air, he looked up to the deep blue sky. He raised his arms in the air, screaming, "Thank you, God! I'm alive!"

Swimming to the ladder of the pool, he quickly made a dash for the fence. Jumping over it, he landed roughly on the other side with a loud thud. Groaning softly, he wiped the dirt off his pants. Looking at his wristwatch, he noticed it was 3:30! Work started over 3 hours ago. He was fired for sure!

Naruto resorted in stealing a 5-year-old's sakes since he had no car and only worked at McDonald's. The blonde skated down the high-way, his blonde locks flowing wildly in the wind. People in the cars laughed and pointed at the blonde wearing the queer-looking pink skates, but Naruto could care less. He had to explain himself at his job! When McDonald's suddenly came into view, Naruto felt a sense of relief. But, he wasn't out of the woods yet. What if his boss fired him? He would never get to buy his favorite magazine:_ Queer Shinobi Monthly _ever again?

Naruto quickly opened the door of the ghetto resturant, dashing in the front counter. He panted heavily, staring an African American female with 3 month old dreads in her hair. She had horrible dark circles underneath her eyes and big, ashy lips. Naruto quickly looked at her name-tag, which read, "Qwanteesha."

"Qwanteesha! Please, do you know where Mr. Robinson - the manager - is?" Naruto said frantically.

"Nigga, I don't know where that muthafucka be at," Qwanteesha snapped, chewing her gum quite loudly. "Hell, I don't know where da fuck I bet at right now, hoe."

"Stupid nigger." Naruto mumbled under his breath.

Naruto took a step backwards, backing into someone in the process. He turned around, coming face-to-face with his boss, whom looked quite angry and a little wasted. His beer-gut hung over his belt, and his man-boobs were quite evident today. There was a ketchup stain on his tie, but since he was a boss-man, he didn't give a fuck. Naruto gulped, taking several steps backwards at his boss' intense glare.

"Naruto," the man slurred. "Why the fuck are you _three_ hours late?"

"Um, well, some things came up and I -"

"I don't give a fuck. When you work at McDonald's, you must take it seriously!" he spat, putting his hands on his fat hips in a gay fashion.

"It won't happen again, Mr. Robinson. I assure you." Naruto whimpered.

"You're damn right it won't happen again, Naruto. You're _fired_." Mr. Robinson said bitterly, turning around to walk back into his office.

"F-Fired...?" was all Naruto could say.

Qwanteesha was recording the whole scene with her cheap cellphone she got from Wal-Mart - well, stole from Wal-Mart. She was definitely gonna put this on Youtube and send this to all her ghetto friends who could somehow afford the Internet. Qwanteesha laughed loudly, accidentally swallowing her gum. She immediately started gagging, thrashing around wildly. She was squirming and jerking around so wildly, that she didn't notice her closeness to the fryers. She leaned backwards against them, falling back into the fryers. She immediately died. I guess they were gonna serve nigger fries for the rest of the day, and the customers wouldn't know it.

Naruto left the resturant, his head low. Only one thing could cheer him up, and that was Sasuke. Naruto needed to talk to someone, and Sasuke just seemed like the person. The blonde cried softly as he made his way to Sasuke's house. Hopefully Sasuke would understand and comfort him, and eventually, they could head back to Naruto's crib and have rough sex.

Knocking on Sasuke's door for what seemed at the most 5 minutes, he assumed Sasuke wasn't home or simply didn't want to answer. Naruto sighed softly, about to go home to cut his wrists while listening to Hawthorne Heights, when suddenly the door opened. Naruto jumped slightly, suprised to see a different person other than the pale-faced, chicken-haired ass teen whom he grew to love so much. Naruto nearly had a heart-attack at the ugly gorilla-looking face that greeted him at the door.

It was a black guy with long dreads that went down to his ass. The man had big, ashy lips and blood-shot eyes that told Naruto that this man must've just smoked a big, fat blunt. The man had a cooking pot on his head, which made him look slightly retarded. He also had jagged teeth that stuck out from all angles. But, the thing that bothered Naruto most of all, the man was _naked. _Being the gay man Naruto was, he stared downwards to the man's penis, noticing he had to be at least 12 inches, and had a lot of hair on his nuts; the man had a bluish-green tip with a mushroom growing on it. Naruto blushed at all the thoughts that went through his head, but quickly shook them off. He belonged to _Sasuke_ - not this guy.

"Yes?" the man's deep voice bellowed.

Naruto jumped back lightly, suprised that the man sounded like a tornado getting raped by a hurricane, or just like Lil Wayne. Naruto lifted a blonde brow before stuttering, "W-Who are you?"

"I'm Devon." the black guy purred softly, letting his dreads fall over his shoulders. He put his hands on his chocolatey hips as he leaned against the door frame of Sasuke's house. It seemed as if the black man was studying him as well. Naruto blushed.

"U-Umm... Where's Sasuke?"

"What tha fuck do you want with him?" the black guy suddenly said loudly, pulling a gun out of no where.

"I-I just want to see Sasuke!" Naruto cried, putting his dookie-covered hands up in the air.

"Why? Me and him had sex" the black guy said, lowering his gun slightly. "This morning. I came over to give him the mail since I'm a mail-man, and he got turned on by my flea-infested dreads and said I should bend over and take it like a man."

Naruto was stunned. Was this true? Did Sasuke _really_ like black men? It was almost too hard to believe that he was having sex with someone else! Naruto felt jealously bubble up inside him. Sasuke was_ his_. Devon needed to back the fuck off his man. Naruto was ready to get all up Devon's face and claim his territory, but the gun kept him from doing so.

"You and him... had _sex_?"

"Yeah, I pounded the hell outta his tight, puckered asshole..." Devon stated proudly.

"You are ugly as sin. You look like motherfucking RayJ." Naruto blurted out angrily. He didnt want to share his man with no body. Especially not some nappy-headed jungle freak.

Naruto quickly regretted his words when the black man snarled and pointed the gun at him once more. Being the quick ninja Naruto was, he quickly darted off. The blonde looked behind him to see the black guy chasing after him.

This wasn't his day at all.

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AN: I hope you enjoyed, bitches and gentlemen. Please don't take offense to this. It's all in good clean fun.


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh God!I can't believe I'm being chased by a black guy!" Naruto screamed with sheer terror.

"Well, you better believe it now, cracker!" Devon snarled.

Naruto scowled slightly at the insult; he wasn't a 'cracker' or white. Even though he had blonde hair and blue eyes, he was asian. His last name was Uzumaki for crying out loud! That is a Japanese surname. Not to mention that his first name is very Japanese-sounding as well. I mean, who the hell would name their child Naruto? I mean, other than an asian person, or Nicki Minaj. Naruto nearly wanted to turn around and smack the shit out of Devon, and pull out his dreads that put Bob Marley's to shame. But, Devon had a gun, and would _obviously_ use it to his advantage by blowing Naruto's brains out. Naruto only gave Devon the middle finger, then ran even faster when he saw the black man's eyes literally turn a bright red.

"You motherfucker! I will pop a glock in your mouth and make your brain slushie!" Devon hollered.

Naruto ignored Devon's pathetic excuse of an insult, and kept running. He suddenly felt his stomach cramp, indicating he had to either fart, or take a massive shit. Naruto inwardly groaned, but suddenly a light bulb went on in his head. He could use his literally shitty problem to his advantage in this situation. Naruto's lips quirked upwards into a sadistic smile and she stopped running. He pulled down his pants, showing Devon his tan yet round ass.

Devon quickly stopped to a halt, covering his eyes quickly at the ugly sight.

"Ah! I'm fucking blind! Man, why does your ass look like _that_?" Devon shrieked like a chubby girl sitting front row at a Justin Bieber concert.

Devon opened his eyes to see brown liquid spewing from between Naruto's butt-cheeks. The blonde then did a hand-stand, spreading his legs, revealing his tiny asian penis. Devon could only watch, his mouth gaped. Naruto spread his legs wider, causing the shit to spuirt out his ass like a water fountain. Devon was in too much shock to notice that Naruto's shit was heading right towards him. Suddenly a pool of Naruto's shit fell from the sky and landed on Devon. The shit splattered all over Devon and all around him. Naruto chuckled darkly, pulling his orange jump-suit back up.

Devon sat up, coughing and gagging due to the liquid shit that landed in his mouth and down his throat. Devon quickly stood up, but slipped and fell again in Naruto's slippery dookie. Devon looked at Naruto, anger quite evident in his eyes. He snarled, revealing his dookie-covered teeth that looked quite unpleasant. Devon stood up again, pulling the dookie-covered gun out of Naruto's shit puddle. Once Naruto saw this, he darted off in any direction. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea. It only added feul to the flame.

Naruto's eyes widened as he saw Sai's apartment come into view. It was a perfect place for a hide-out. Plus, Sai could draw two gangsters on some of his magical paper and they'll come to life and beat Devon's ass. Unless Devon shoots them first or something. Naruto gulped at the thought. Maybe shitting on Devon wasn't exactly the brightest idea. What do you expect? After all, Naruto _is _a blonde.

As Naruto ran up the stairs of the old and crusty apartment building, which was deemed condemned after Chouji's dad had farted in room 16, back in 1978. Naruto ran out of breath on the second floor. Devon was obviously black, therefore his stamina was extrememly fast, matching Naruto's ninja speed. The blonde cried out in frustration, as he nearly slipped on some semen on the stairs. He let out a shrill and gay scream, angry that he got some semen on his ninja sandals he bought at Wal-Mart for ten dollars. It was probably one of Sai's gay boyfriend that jacked-off on the stairs before he left. Fucking man-whore.

Naruto suddenly started to hum "So Many Man Whores" by Hilary Duff as he continued to jog up the stairs. Mentally slapping hiself, he frantically knocked on the door several times. Not waiting for an answer, running into Sai's house, shutting the door quickly.

"Sai!" Naruto screamed, sobbing, looking around for the gay painter.

He found Sai in his bedroom, painting a bowl full of turds.

"SAI!" Naruto screamed, tears running down his cheeks. "Some black guy is chasing after me!"

"Again?" Sai asked calmly, not bothering to look at him.

"Shut the hell up, Sai. I'm being serious. He could come in here and kill us both!" he cried. "But, the worst part is... that black guy... he was sleeping with Sasuke!"

Sai turned around to look at Naruto questioningly. "Wait... Sasuke is gay?"

"Duh!" Naruto shouted with frustration. "What was your first clue? Look at his hair! Look at his lipgloss! Look at his Hello Kitty attire he wears everyday. And... I'm gay too."

Naruto turned away from Sai and blushed. His ass-cheeks was on fire.

"You are?" he simply asked, putting his paint-brush down.

"Yes!" Naruto shouted. "It doesn't matter! I'm gay and -"

Suddenly Devon shot the upstairs window, glass shattering everywhere. Sai jumped back, shocked and upset that someone actually shot his window. Sai glared, but said nothing. He promptly sat down his paint brush yet again and gave Naruto the middle finger.

Naruto responded by pulling his pants down and mooning Sai. Turning around to see the gay painter's response, he noticed Sai was puking in a trash can.

"Hey, my ass doesn't look _that _bad!" Naruto whimpered.

Suddenly the black man crawled through the window, knocking down Sai's beautiful painting. Devon took a step forward in the room, tripping over the window. His gun slid across the floor of Sai's bedroom, giving Naruto the chance to get it. Quickly making a dash for it, he was tripped by Devon. The blonde cursed, reaching out to get it once more. Grasping it between his fingers, he turned around, aiming it at Devon's head. Devon automatically froze.

"Aye, man. L-Let's work this out or something," Devon stuttered. "If you give me the gun, I'll buy you lunch at Chick-Fil-A."

Naruto quickly tossed the gun to Devon, happiness and excitement in his eyes. "So when are you gonna take me to Chick-Fil-A?"

Devon only giggled, then pointed the gun at Naruto. "Never, motherfucker."

Sai sat on his stool next to his bed, face-palming at Naruto's stupidity. Sai definitely wasn't gonna risk his life due to his friend's kinky fetish for Chick-Fil-A. He would lazily watch Devon kill Naruto then maybe he and Sai could go eat - not at Chick-Fil-A, if you know what I mean. Sai was a player and he definitely liked black men, or morbidly obese men. But, knowing Devon, he'd probably just want to go eat at KFC, run from the cops, or play basketball.

"Time to die, you fat-ass." Devon smirked, his kinky mustache very visible.

Naruto wailed softly, preparing to die. Naruto could've swore his life was flashing before his eyes; he thought of the time he first shit himself on the playground in Kindergarden, the time he clogged up the bathroom in Middle School, the time he accidentally mistaken his dookie as brownies in High School, the time he swapt spit with Sakura in college - wait, okay, the last one totally didn't happen. If that _did_ happen, Naruto would seriously commit suicide after kissing that slut's lips. Sakura probably has sucked more dicks than Kim Kardashian.

Naruto slapped himself, realizing he was letting his ADD get ahold of him again. As Naruto prepared to die at the evil clutches of Devon, he smelt a smell. It was a smelly smell that smelt... smelly. It smelled like bananas and turtle shells; it was _Sasuke_! The door was kicked open, revealing no one other than the infamous Sasuke Uchiha, wearing his usual Hello Kitty clothing he bought from Hot Topic. Sasuke jumped protectively in front of the blonde, glaring like a fat person protecting a peice of cake.

"S-Sasuke?" Naruto gasped, looking up at his savior in emo clothing.

"Devon, leave Naruto alone." Sasuke warned.

.

.

.

AN: Cliffy right? Hope you enjoyed, bitches and gentlemen. Sorry that the chapter is so short. Remember, I do not own Naruto.


	4. Chapter 4

"Sasuke!" Devon shouted, momentarily stepping back with surprise.

"Do _not _even _think_ of touching him," Sasuke reiterated callously as he let out a juicy fart that moved his thong around in his lil ninja pants!

"Da phuq?" said Devon, lifting a hairy eyebrow. "Did yo faggot ass let that turn slam on brakes?"

"My donk is musical, foo'," giggled Sasuke with a ^_^ face on his ghetto eyes.

"Umm…ok…" said Devon. "Anyways, this spiked hair bitch-ass nigga called me RayJ! Ya know, that ugly ass fool who is almost as ugly as Two Chainz?"

"Two Chainz _is _an abomination to most people's eyes," said Sasuke, "but does it look like I care? We what had last night was a one night stand! A _one _night stand! All the magic's gone, what's left is just a shadow of a memory! Damn my thong stanks!"

Naruto got a 12 inch boner thinking about Sasuke in a thong and that lil butthole screaming to be pounded! Sasuke probably had a puckered butthole that looks like raw hamburger helper that Chouji left on the couch.

"Please don't tell me that you mean that, bro!" screamed Devon. "And yo ass got a thong on? What kind you be wearing?" Devon showed great interest in Sasuke's under garments, but then again, who wouldn't with a butthole like that?

"Yes, I mean that! And it's a light blue Hane's thong, so leave Naruto alone!" Sasuke nodded at Naruto before saying "Look, I've had my fair share of niggas, but you be ugly as Lil Wayne as that is WAY too fucking ugly."

Devon's juicy lip started quivering and cowering as he said "I'm not ugly! I'm just a lil under average!" He threw a tantrum and bitch slapped Sai's shit painting.

"Nigga, what the fuck do you think you're doing, slapping my painting?!" screamed Sai the fruity artist. "I spent 7 hours on that masterpiece!"

"Shit just got real," said Devon. "I know good and damn well that you did _not _just call me a nigga."

"I did and will," said Sai with a lack of emotions as he started to put his beautiful hair into a ponytail.

"Stupid ass cracka with no future. Go home to yo momma in Georgia!"

Sai raised his unibrow. "I'm not white, you stupid hoe! Nicki Minaj got shit on you!"

"What the hell are you then?!" demanded Devon raising his ghetto voice as it thundered around the room.

"I'm Japanese, you cunt! This is Japan! Didn't you notice my yellowish skin, slanted eyes, black hair, and that plate of sushi on the table?! Do you _need _any more proof?!" Enraged, Sai picked up the jade colored bowl of turds and hurled it towards Devon.

Devon ducked the bowl shattered against the baby pink wall and the turds fell to the ground. Some mice that had made their home in the walls of Sai's apartment came outta the hole and grabbed the turds and went back into their home.

Naruto went over to the table and picked up one of the pieces of sushi that was on Sai's plate. He had three that had octopus tentacles, two with salmon, eight with salmon roe, and two with fake crab meat and cream cheese.

"Get yo hands off my sushi, you dickless hoe!" shrilled Sai as he slapped Naruto's hand with a paintbrush.

"I can't help it!" squeaked Naruto like Mickey Mouse when taking a dush. "I'm so hungry."

"Go to McDonald's and get a happy meal, nigga!" screamed Devon. "By the way, what is yo ugly ass name anyways.""

"Naruto" said Sasuke bluntly. He farted so loudly that he was pretty sure a lil wet turd splashed against his thong. He shuddered quietly and made a repulsing face at what he was pretty sure he did.

"Naruto." Devon approached the yellow haired ninja and smirked. "You look like yo name should be Apple Jack Harold or Fruit Loop Toya since you got no life whatsoever. You are by far the ugliest chink that has ever been in my field of vision!"

Naruto was deeply offended.

"You so ugly you look like you have super-powers. You be havin' super-powers, baby?" Devon asked.

"You've done lost 'yo mothafuckin' mind in real-life!" Naruto shouted, being very defensive.

Devon then pointed at Sasuke. "Them ain't his kids."

"He know that, asshole!" Naruto growled.

"They ain't his kids? I was just guessin'." Devon was puzzled.

"Well, don't be guessing no more! They ain't his kids, they got their own damn daddy, which is Sakura... But, we already established that! So I don't know what the hell you be talkin' about!" Naruto shouted, throwing one of Sai's pink bra's at Devon's head.

Devon screamed as some of Sai's titty residue fell on the nigga's ashy earlobes. "Wash yo crusty titty, faggoty chink!"

"Come at me, bro," said Sai as he was reading a Playgirl magazine.


	5. Chapter 5

Sasuke looked at Devon and said, "Yo, nigga, you cool and what not, but what we had was an experiment. 'Yo chocolate dick ain't good enough for me, you RayJ lookin' ashy lipped muthafucka".

Devon took a couple steps back, deeply offended.

Sai begun to feel deeply nervous, mostly because Devon still had a gun in his hand.

"Uh, Sasuke," Sai warned. "I think you shouldn't insult him-"

"Aw, who gives a fuck?" Sasuke shouted. The boy was about to snap.

"Sasuke! I-I thought we had something!" Devon wailed, dropping to his ashy knees.

"No! It was only a one-time thing, Devon!" Sasuke shouted, throwing Sai's painting at Devon's ashy head. "Stay away from Naruto!"

The painting broke into two peices.

"Aye!" Sai shouted, beginning to get pissed. "Why is everyone beating up my painting?"

"No one gives a shit out your shit painting!" Sasuke screamed.

Sai began to cry, buring his face in his hands.

"Look what you did, Sasuke!" Naruto scolded. "You made Sai cry!"

"I don't care." Sasuke growled, as he stormed out Sai's apartment.

Naruto watched as Sasuke walked out the room, feeling his heart swell with guilt and grief. He fussed at Devon just for _him. _Naruto smiled slightly. Maybe... just maybe... Sasuke _did_ love him, too.

"What the fuck are you smiling at, ugly-ass?" Devon shouted, glaring at the blonde.

"Hey, shut the fuck up!" Naruto's eyes narrowed menacingly.

Devon said nothing, but left the apartment as well, crying in defeat. He had lost his precious Sasuke-kun.

Turning his head to look back at the apartment, he glared.

"I'll get revenge, Sasuke... Naruto. I'll shoot both of you mothafuckas..." Devon vowed to himself, as he walked back to his trailer home.

Devon had to take a shit, really bad.

After Devon left the area to go take a shit, Naruto ran over to Sasuke's house.

He had to know everything that happened between the two of them. He _had_ to.

Knocking on the door, he heard Brittney Spears music playing in the background.

Cocking an eyebrow, he whispered to himself, "So, Sasuke likes Brittney Spears too, huh?"

Suddenly the music was shut-off and foot-steps were heard heading towards the door.

Sasuke opened the door, an annoyed expression on his face. "What the hell do you want, Naruto?"

"What happened between you two? Seriously, I wanna know!" Naruto demanded.

Sasuke giggled like a little fag and said, "I spreaded his lil buttcheeks and watched his swirly butthole. Then I shoved my 9 inch dick in it and he started singing an Eminem song."

Naruto then said, "How come you never get my swirly butthole? I thought you had the hots for me."

Sasuke sighed and scratched his nuts and then said, "The last time I fucked 'yo swirly butthole, you started singing YMCA by Village people. That shit scared the fuck outta me. That, and the fact that you got the dirtiest asshole in the fucking planet, you dush!"

"DUSH?" Naruto choked.

"Yes, dush." Sasuke stated, crossing his arms.

"W-What song by Eminem did Devon sing...?" Naruto whispered, as tears fell down his cheeks.

"Not Afraid." Sasuke smirked.

Naruto gasped. "What the fuck!"

Sasuke only nodded. "Yep. Me and Killer Bee fucked, too. He sang that Ashley Simpson song. I forgot the name of it, though..." Sasuke trailed off.

"That is fucked up!" Naruto shouted.

"I know."

"Well... you still haven't answered my question."

"What question?"

"...Do you have the hots for me?"

Sasuke then farted, ruining the moment.

Naruto only blushed, trying to hold back laughter, and he had to fart too. But, he didn't want to fart in front of Sasuke anymore. That would be embarassing!

"Uhh, maybe I should go..."

"No!" Sasuke pleaded.

Sasuke then crushed his lips onto Naruto's nose.

AN: Idgaf what you say! I love this story! It's one of the best, and you can kiss my asshole! You dush!


	6. Chapter 6

"S-Sasuke?" Naruto asked. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Kissing your nose." Sasuke stated. He then pulled away, leaving Naruto breath-less.

"Maybe... some other time, okay?" Sasuke said, turning his back to Naruto, closing the door softly.

Naruto just stood there, feeling rejected. He stared at the door. Suddenly, he heard Brittney Spears music begin to play, and decided to see what was going on. He then peeked through Sasuke's living-room window and watched as Sasuke was booty-shaking into a camera.

"Sasuke's such a whore..." Naruto murmered, beginning to walk home.

The next day Naruto pretty much just sulked around and watched Dr. Phil and Oprah. He didn't want to watch Dr. Oz though... because Dr. Oz was a fucking cunt-face.

Suddenly feeling his stomach begin to rumble, Naruto's eyes widened. He had to take a MASSIVE dookie.

Running to the bathroom, he almost shit himself in his pink bunny pajama's.

Sitting on the toliet, Naruto let out a huge fart. It was so loud, that he could feel his little buttcheeks vibrate.

"Oh shit, I gotta go take a dush!" he announced. He went over to the bathroom and sat down on the second toilet he had in the bathroom and grabbed a magazine behind him.

Naruto looked down at his nine inch dick and started playing with it.

"Damn, I'm fucking small..." Naruto whispered to himself. "I bet Sasuke's very much bigger..."

He then began to imagine Sasuke's massive cock in his asshole.

Naruto got hard, and grew a inch. He masterbated using tweezers.

After his masterbation time, Naruto walked down to Sai's house once more. He had to talk to someone.

"Sai!" Naruto shouted, pounding on the door.

No one answered.

"Sai, open the fucking door, you massive turd!" Naruto was beginning to get annoyed.

He twisted the door-knob, discovering it to be un-locked.

Naruto opened the door, walking in. As soon as he walked in, he saw a man-thong on the floor, as well as many many condoms.

"What the fuck is going on here...?" Naruto wondered.

Walking up the stairs, he heard low grunts and moans and screams.

Opening the door, he screamed loudly at the sight he saw.

"WHAT THE FUCKIN' FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?" Naruto screamed, falling backwards onto his butt.

He saw Sai underneath Kakashi, both of them fucking with pink dildos.

"Naruto! Uh... It's not what you think!" Kakashi stuttered.

"Sai! I didn't know you were gay. I mean, I knew Kakashi was, but not you!" Naruto bellowed.

"I'm sorry, Naruto... I am." Sai blushed.

Kakashi then threw a pubic hair at Naruto, before saying, "Get the fuck out. I was about to finish."

Crying loudly, Naruto ran out of the room and down the street, heading towards the mall.

He wanted to go shopping at Victoria's Secret.

AN: yeahh, I updated twice in one day. So what?


	7. Chapter 7

Naruto began crying, feeling some-what betrayed.

He couldn't believe that Sai was gay. I mean, if he knew, then he could have gotten with Sai! Being in a relationship with Sai couldn't have been as bad as it seemed.

Suddenly, Naruto pulled out his blunt from his pocket and begun smoking it. He wanted to get high before he went into Victoria's Secret.

Naruto, high as a muthafucking pimp, walked into Victoria's Secret giggling like a little queer.

FUCK, was HE high!

"Oh shit! I must be seeing shit. Either I am so fucking high, or is that...? No, it can't be! Is that... the motherfuckin' Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? What the FUCK are they doing in here?"

In Naruto's state of highness, he thought he saw the turtles wearing lingerie. Leonardo, the leader, was wearing a frilly pink bra with blue lace at the end.

Raphael, the hotheaded asshole of the group was wearing a sexy g string showing his lil tail and his dick. "Holy shit!" said Naruto. That is fucking sexy!"

Donatello was wearing a purple negligee and letting his muscular titties hang out (not that much could hang out)

And Michelangelo, the dumb one, was wearing an orange see-through camisole and some sexy panty hose.

Naruto fell backwards, farting wildly.

All of the turtles suddenly surrounded him, looking down at him concerned.

"What the fuck. Why does this dude have yellow hair?" Donatello asked.

"He must've let Bon-Qui-Qui from that ghetto barber-shop dye his hair." Raphael chimed in.

"Damn niggas..." Michelangelo muttered, putting his sexy green hand on Naruto's fore-head.

"What the flippity fuck! I didn't know you guys were real!" Naruto screamed.

"Psh. Of course we're real." Michealangelo rolled his eyes.

"You guys aren't real! You're fucking cartoons!" Naruto shouted, angrily. The weed was beginning to get to him.

"We are _not_ cartoons, you fuckin' turd looking, flesh-eyed monster!" Donatello snapped.

"I'm beautiful, you fat-fuck!" Naruto growled, wobbily standing up. Naruto's eyes were faxiated upon a beautiful yellow tank top.

"You're the ugliest motherfucker I've ever seen!" screamed Michealangelo.

"You turtles... can you buy that top for me...?" Naruto asked softly.

"Wash yo crusty shitty asshole and we MIGHT consider it, you yellow haired dick," said Leonardo.

"I do not have a crusty, shitty asshole, you green-ass looking penis-head!" Naruto bellowed.

"Good one." Leonardo said sarcastically.

"Fuck you and 'yo bald-ass granny!" Naruto fell back onto the floor.

"How the fuck did you know my granny was bald?" Danotello screamed, throwing a bra at Naruto's head.

About to shout another insult at the green turtles, something caught his eye. He saw Sasuke walking in the front entrance of the store!

"What the hell is Sasuke doing in Victoria's Secret?" Naruto screamed.

AN: Thanks for all the reviews! I'm the greatest, I know.


	8. Chapter 8

"Who is Sasuke?" Donatello asked, scratching his bald green head.

"I don't know," Leonardo sighed. "But his hair looks like a chicken's ass."

"Hey! Don't talk about Sasuke that way!" Naruto shouted at the turtles, kicking Danotello in his green nuts.

Donatello hunched over in pain, clutching between his legs. "You little shit!"

"I don't give a fuck, you ugly turtle!" Naruto said, snarling.

"Naruto?"

Naruto looked up to see Sasuke looking down at him, confused.

"What are you doing here, Naruto?" Sasuke asked, looking at the pink under-wear.

"I... I wanted to go shopping. But, the damned Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ruined everything for me! The wouldn't even buy that yellow tank-top I wanted!" Naruto whimpered.

Sasuke arched an eyebrow. "The... teenage mutant ninja turtles, huh?"

"Yes!"

"Hmm."

"What? You don't believe me?" Naruto asked, his eyes widening.

"No."

"They're right there!" Naruto said, pointing at the ugly-ass turtles.

Sasuke's eyes widened as the turtles began doing a Native American turtle dance around a manniquin.

"What the fuck?" Sasuke said, scratching his chicken-butt hair.

"So why are you here, slush?" asked Naruto looking at Sasuke.

"Yeah, Kakashi is hard to get aroused; he asked me to come here and buy something frilly to get him turned on." said Sasuke, touching a mannequin's titty.

"Wait... let me get this straight," Naruto said, the weed beginning to wear off. "You don't wanna go out with me, but you want to go out with Kakashi? KAKASHI? Are you fucking serious, Sasuke? That old-ass fucker probably can't even get hard anymore!"

Sasuke nodded. "Yes, he can. He uses Viagra."

Naruto growled. "That isn't the point! This isn't fair! Why won't you go out with me?"

"Because... we are not meant to be..."

"Yes, we are! Remember that time we were at the lake, and Kakashi was so drunk, that he thought he was a ballerina, and he tried to do a little dance across the lake, but failed miserably, and almost drowned? Remember when Sakura thought she was a cabbage patch doll, and started to stalk kids in Target? Remember that time you bent over in Barnes and Noble and you farted?" Naruto yelled, out of breath when he finished.

"What the fuck does that have to do with anything, you dush?" Sasuke simply asked.

Naruto screamed out in frusteration.

"Anyway... I have to go buy that frilly out-fit over there for Kakashi..." Sasuke stated, beginning to walk off.

"YOU SLUSH!" Naruto screamed wildly, getting the attention of the 4 turtles, who had just finished their turtle dance around the manniquin. "What happened to the good days when YOU used to dress up like that for me?"

"First of all," Sasuke began calmly, "we never HAD any good days where I dressed up like a hoe. And secondly, what the fuck did you just call me?"

"I CALLED YOU A SLUSH, YOU DUSH!" Screeched Naruto in such a way that he made Fred sound like Darfth Vader.

"Slush? Dush? Are you high, man?" asked Sasuke.

"Yes, I be on that kush, you dush!" shouted Naruto, who just farted all the sudden.

Naruto gazed strangly at Sasuke and said, "What the fuck, dush? 'Yo titty is laughing." With that, he made a O_o face.

Sasuke looked down at his man-boobies, as they bounced up and down, laughing with glee.

"How is that possible?" screamed Donatello.

"I don't know!" Leonardo said, trying to make his titties laugh as well.

"You ugly-ass fucking turtles," Sasuke growled. "Go back to Turtle Mania."

"You fucking cunt!" Rapheal shouted, clenching his fists. "Turtle Mania is boring, and everything's green, and it's filled with turtles! It smells like a turtle tank!"

"So? It's where you belong, you fucking ugly hood-rats." Sasuke smirked.

Sasuke's titties begun laughing again, souding like Rosanne Bar's laugh.

Sasuke looked down, and indeed his titty WAS laughing.

"Wow, there's som'tin you don't see every day," said Raphael with his heavy Brooklyn accent.

"You guys are the weirdest mother fuckas I have EVER seen, dudes," pointed out Michelangelo.

"Even though we rarely come in contact with humans, shit, man, you guys are so fucked up you are messing with my head," stated Leonardo.

"Who the fuck let you guys out of the short bus?" asked Sasuke. "Who let the hell let you guys out like that?"

"I don't ride the short bus anymore!" Raphael screamed. "I'm turning into a big boy!"

"He's lying," Michelangelo stated, pulling a rose out of his pocket and sniffing the sweet scent before shoving it up his ass.

"What the-"

"It's normal, trust me." Leonardo warned, patting Michelangelo's soft breasts.

"Why are you guys calling me and Sasuke weird? You guys are the one's shoving flowers up your ass, you dush! Doesn't that hurt?" Naruto felt his ass clench.

"Shut up, you yellow-haired monkey. You look like Air-Heads X-treme's." Michealangelo said, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah? Well, you look like you work at The Corner Cuboard!" Naruto shrieked, throwing a Rosie O'Donnell poster at him.

"I don't want a poster of that whale!" screamed Michealangelo, starting to throw a temper tantrum.

Michealangelo begun to roll around on the floor, kicking his legs and screaming higher than Tim Allen on casual friday's.

"Holy shit," Leonardo said, watching the angry turtle roll around on the floor. "See what you did? Now he's gonna shit in his diaper, and I do NOT feel like cleaning that shit up! His shit fuckin' smells un-godly! I think he fuckin' sold his ass to the devil!"

Naruto blinked, scared for his life.

"Wait a minute," said Naruto, in a calm, cool, and collected voice. "You guys shit? Where the fuck are your assholes? Whenever I see you on TV, I never see your 'lil asses."

"What the fuck?" screamed Donatello. "You are such a freak! You've been trying to look for our asses? And secondly, we are NOT cartoons. We are ninjas!"

"Oh fuck you too, you slimy mothafucka!" screamed Sasuke. "We are ninjas too, you slush!"

Naruto smiled when he heard Sasuke use on of his favorite words.

"You? Ninjas? Ha! Don't even make me laugh. If you are TRUE ninjas, then prove it."

"And we are not slimy, you yellow haired prick!" roared Raphael.

"So it's a fight you want, eh?" said Donatello, and with that statement, the turtles drew their weapons.

Leonardo was extremely enraged and pulled out his razor sharp katanas and the light reflected off of them. He twirled them around and threw them up in the air and caught them in a skilled way, possibly to intimidate Naruto and Sasuke.

Raphael drew out his sais and twirled them around and made them whoosh in the air. He clenched his teeth and said, "I ain't scared of no punk, especially if he got yellow spiked hair and looks like a motherfuckin' fag."

Donatello pulled out his bo staff that he kept on his shell and whirled it around and got into his action pose. He usually detested fighting, but since he and his brothers were insulted by Naruto, not to mention the fact that he was kicked in the nuts, sure as hell gave him a good enough reason.

Michelangelo took out his nunchucks and spinned them around so fast, that he actually started to float into the air. He hit the ceiling and hit his head, then fell down to the ground. Naruto and Sasuke started to laugh at this.

Naruto pulled out his sword and was ready to chop up some turtles and have them for dinner. Even though he was outnumbered 2 to 4, he believed that all of his training would be enough to take care of them meddlesome turtles.

Sasuke, who did not bring anyweapons, pulled out his 14 inch pink dildo that he was using earlier to fuck Kakashi in his sweet little ass. He twirled the dildo around and all of the sudden the turtles started laughing at him.

"Seriously, you expect to beat us with THAT?" shouted Michelangelo, who started to giggle.

tbc

AN: This is a story I did for fun. I could seriously give a fuck what you say about my story. If you wanna flame, you are just wasting your time. If you want good writing, read Mark Twain.


	9. Chapter 9

Just as Naruto was about to make the first move, a booming voice out of no where said "Stop, you ugly motherfuckas!"

All of them turned around to look and saw that it was a man.

"RayJ?" screamed Naruto frantically.

"Fuck no, nigga," said the voice. The shadows were hiding his figure.

"Then who?" questioned Sasuke. "Show yourself, man."

The person who stepped forward to reveil that it was Ludacris.

"Holy shit!" screamed Michelangelo. "Who the fuck is that?"

"I don't know, Mikey," said Donatello. "Some light skinned nigga."

"Hey!" said Luda. "Who the fuck are you to be calling me a nigga?"

"Forgive my racist brother," said Leonardo. "He has always had some trouble with African Americans."

"Luda!" screamed Naruto gleefully. "What the fuck up, pimp? I got all of your CDs. I listen to them in my trailer when I smoke weed."

"Oh, you be cool, dush, but why in the hell do you have yellow hair? You look like Bon-Qui-Qui did yo' hair," said Ludacris.

"What the fuck?" yelled Raphael. "That's what I said!"

"Why the fuck are you fuck-heads green?" demanded Ludacris. "It ain't nowhere near Halloween."

"These aren't costumes, as hard as it may be to believe," said Leo. "But we are mutant turtles."

"Say what?" screamed Ludacris. "That is bizarre, man."

"Nigga, get the fuck out of this mothafucking store before i have to shoot a nigga in the ass! GET OUT!" screamed Donatello.

"Oh, you wanna fight, huh, punk?" said Ludacris, who pulled out a shotgun from his ass.

Leonardo pulled out a katana and sliced Luda's shotgun in half.

"I'ma have to call backup," said Luda. He pulled out his cell phone and was talking indistinctly to other people on his phone. he hung up about 3 minutes, later, 4 people walked in, carrying AKs, rocket launchers, grenade launchers, and a M60 machine gun.

Michelangelo, scared, farted and the rose he shove up his ass fell out covered in shit.

"Ew." said Sasuke. Naruto rushed over to the rose and put it in a nearby vase that was on a nearby counter.

Michelangelo, scared, farted and the rose he shove up his ass fell out covered in shit.

"Ew." said Sasuke. Naruto rushed over to the rose and put it in a nearby vase that was on a nearby counter.

Ludacris fell down laughing. "What the fuck?" he shouted. "don't worry, he does shit like that all the time," said Leonardo.

Chingy pulled out a RPG and aimed it at Naruto. "Time to die, ya yellow haired bitch!" he screamed

Chingy pulled out a RPG and aimed it at naruto. "Time to die, ya yellow haired bitch!" he screamed

All of a sudden the lights in the room went dim.

Everyone became silent when out of complete nowhere a voice said "You dumb niggas, you best prepare for trouble."

"Wait a minute," Naruto gulped, his eyes wide. "Ya'll done scared me."

Naruto slowly got up off the ground, dusting the dirt off his clothes. "Ya'll done made my nerves bad."

"And you yellow and green dushes best make it double."

All of the sudden, two characters with white uniforms appeared with a large red R .

"To protect the world from devestation..." said the female.

"To unite all peoples within our nation..."

"To denounce the evils of truth and love..."

"To extend our reach to the stars above."

"Whoa, what the fuck is going on?" Naruto shrieked, sounding like Carrot Top.

"You yellow haired mother fucker!" screamed the female with long red hair.

"Team Rocket will kick your ass!" said the male with long blue hair.

"Uh uh uh, hell naw," said T.I. "these motherfuckas ain't shit!"

"Team Rocket?" said Raphael. "What kinda lame ass name is that?"

"You will regret messing with us!" said the blue haired male.

All of the sudden, Rosanne Bar's laugh could be heard.

Sasuke was beginning to get scared. He decided to hide behind Chingy.

Sasuke, who was behind chingy, all of the sudden looked down at his titties. They were laughing.

"Dude, is yo titty laughing?" asked Chingy, suddenly thinking of Billy Ray.

"They have a habit of doint that..." Sasuke trailed off, feeling his titties blush.

Team Rocket approached Sasuke and slapped the shit outta him.

"YOU MOTHAFUCKAS!" someone screamed at the entrance of Victoria's Secret.

Turning around, they saw it was...

It was Eminem.

He was holding a blunt up in the air, obviously high as usual.

"Holy shit!" said Naruto. "He's sexy!"

Eminem blushed, taking a puff of his blunt.

The red headed woman approached Eminem and said "My name's Jessie. Wanna have dinner?"

"Fuck no, bitch." Eminem screeched, punching the red headed woman so hard that she flew across Victoria's Secret.

"DON'T ASK ME WHY I HAVE NO LOVE FOR THESE MOTHAFUCKIN' HOES." Eminem screamed, taking another puff of his blunt.

"Oh my God," said Sasuke, "I wanna fuck him."

Chingy was hit when Jessie flew and landed on his dick.

Eminem ignored the turtles, the ninajs, and the other rappers, and went to the perfume section of Victoria's Secret. "I really need some new perfume, dammit."

"Oh yeah, and before I forget," said Eminem. He pulled down his pants and exposed his hairy ass. "FUCK YOU!"

Sasuke leaped back, offended by Eminem's big white ass.

Naruto got hard and played with his 10 inch dick.

"What the fuck?" Chingy screamed, accidentally farting loudly.

"I _so_ wanna piece of that ass," said Michelangelo, beginning to sing _Me So Horny_ as he did bent down and touched he toes, gliding.

"I wanna suck that yellow dude's dick," said Donatello.

"No! Stay away you flaming faggot!" Naruto shrieked, falling backwards onto the floor again.

Chingy pointed at Narutos itty bitty nuts

Naruto begun to cry from embarassment. Ever since he was in the ninja academy, people have teased him for his little nuts. They were the size of two grains of rice, except they were skin colored.

"Holy shit!" screamed Eminem. "You probably can't even cum with nuts that small!"

"I can cum, you wigger!" Naruto sobbed. "I just cum in tiny squirts!"

"I wanna lift up your lil nuts and play tic tac toe on your anus," said Chingy.

"What the fuck? You rappers are weird as hell!" Naruto said, taking a couple of scoots back.

The red headed woman whom Eminem had punched across the room somehow managed to get behind naruto and smacked his ass.

"Why is everyone harassing me?" Naruto wondered, looking around for Sasuke.

Sasuke, who was licking Chingy's ass, said. "Because you are fun to harass."

"Sasuke? You have joined the nut gallery?" Naruto screamed, angrily.

"Yes." he responded cooly, and he shoved his 14 inch dildo up Chingy's black ass

Caitlyn says

"Sasuke? What the hell, dude?" Naruto had about enough of this. "I'm done with you, Sasuke Uchiha! Your hair is too ugly for me, anyways!"

Phil Blackwell says

"And you, Naruto Uzumaki, are too ugly with your small nuts!" screamed Sasuke, who was about to lose his cool.

Chingy moaned, enjoying the feel of the dildo in his ass.

"YOU DUSH!" screamed naruto.

Caitlyn says

"This is fuckin' disturbing, yo," Eminem said, puffing on his blunt once again.

All of the sudden, Leonardo went behind Eminem and shoved a green finger up his tight asshole.

"Ow, that hurts! Take it out now! Oh wait a minute, but it back in... in, in, in." Eminem moaned. Naruto looked at Eminem skeptically. "This doesn't mean I'm gay - I don't like men! I like, boobs, boobs, boobs!"

"So why do you want him to put his finger back into your ass?" inquired Naruto with a puzzled look.

"How do you like THESE boobs?" screamed jessie, who flashed Eminem.

"Bitch, put your fucking bee-sting titties back in yo' bra." Eminem shrieked, covering his eyes.

Jessie, deeply ashamed of her lil titties, got upset and ran outta Victoria Secret crying.

"See, Eminem? Look what you did, home-boy." Chingy glared at the white boy angrily.

"I don't give a fuck, you dirt skinned nigga," exclaimed Eminem, who continued to smoke his blunt.

"Stop being racist, you cracka," Chingy warned, pulling out a blunt out of his pocket and begun smoking it as well.

Sasuke farted, causing everyone in the store to look at him.

Blushing, Sasuke giggled nervously to himself, then pointed at Donatello - blaming the fart on him. "Eww! He farted!" Sasuke screamed, scooting away from him.

"You chicken-ass haired dummy!" screamed Donatello. "You are a horrible liar."

"I do NOT have chicken-ass hair!" Sasuke sobbed, blushing even harder.

"Shut the fuck up, you wigga!" screamed Ludacris.

"I'm not even white, you damn nigga!" Sasuke said, throwing a hair-bow at his head.

"Then what the fuck are ya, punk?" shouted Ludacris, loading his gun with bullets.

"I'm Japanese, you cunt!" Sasuke said, hiding behind the pile of bras.

Chingy fired a grenade from the grenade launcher towards the piles of bras.

Sasuke yelped and begun running around the store, as this crazy-ass nigga tried to kill him.

Naruto mooned Chingy and said, "Take a good look at my ass, you dush!"

Chingy fell back, blinded by Naruto's hairy ass. "HOLY SHIIIII-"

Naruto, trying desperately to hold back the urge, released a gigantic fart.

All the rappers, the turtles, Sasuke and all the people in Victoria's Secret fell backwards, gagging.

"Sorry, I ate beans," apologized Naruto, from whom a giant sweatdrop appeared!

"Dush, it smells!" screamed Ludacris, who just killed himself.

"LUDA!" Eminem screamed, sitting next to Ludacris's dead body.

"Ah, no one really liked Luda," Michelangelo said, who was trying on a thong.

"I...did." Eminem whispered, clutching Ludacris's locket to his chest.

"What was he, your BFF?" scoffed Sasuke.

"We were... lovers." Eminem whispered. Suddenly the white rapper got distracted, by the lip gloss and make-up. "Oooh! Pretty!" Eminem beamed with glee.

"Wait a minute, hold up," started Leonardo. "You were boasting earlier how much you loved titties, and now you are telling us you were lovers with that light-skinned dude?"

"I'm... I'm bi-sexual!" Eminem confessed, putting on hot pink lip gloss. "What do you think of this color?"

"So that means you like to take it in the ass while you're taking a woman's ass?" asked Naruto.

"M-Maybe..." Eminem said, putting on a ballerina out-fit.

"We can see your nuts, dude," said Raphael. Naruto just had an idea

Eminem blushed, putting his hands between his legs, covering up his 'lil nuts. "Ohoho..." he whispered.

Naruto went behind Chingy and slapped him in the back of the head.

"What the hell, nigga?" Chingy screamed, confused by Naruto's actions.

"For the last time, we ain't niggas!" screamed naruto, who farted.

"HEY SEXY LADY, IT WAS NICE TO KNOW YOU, BUT I GOTTA MOVE ONNNN." Donatello said, booty-clapping.

With that, the four turtles left the store all ninja like. "What the fuck was that all about?" screamed Eminem

"I don't even know..." Sasuke said, scratching his asshole.

"Dude, are you scratching your asshole in public?" yelled Chingy.

"Yes," Sasuke nodded, sliding a finger up his ass. "I gotta take a shit, I think..."

"You are nasty." Eminem said.

"Holy shit, that is sexy," Naruto thought.

Sasuke blushed. Suddenly, The Golden Girls walked into Victoria's Secret.

* * *

AN: Suck my meat-curtain if you think this sucks.


	10. Chapter 10

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"Who the hell let the old grannies in?" Naruto asked, beginning to feel paranoid under the oldest woman's gaze.

"Who the hell let your monkey-lookin' ass in?" the oldest woman snapped.

"Who the hell are you?" Naruto screamed, feeling slightly offended at the insult.

"My names Sophia," she responded. "This is my son - I mean, daughter Dorothy."

Dorothy rolled her eyes, wanting to smack the wig off her old-ass mother. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Uzumaki."

"Wait, how do you know my last name?" Naruto asked.

"Because, Naruto..." Dorothy begun. "We are here to exterminate you under the request of Devon."

Dorothy pulled a pistol out of her bra and aimed it at Naruto. Dorothy's plump red lips twitched up into a sadistic smirk.

"Wait, Dorothy! Please don't kill the deformed little faggot!" Rose piped up from behind her, trying to smack the gun out her hand.

Rose, like a dipshit she is, slaps the gun out of Dorothy's hand, and the gun falls out, but the weapon discharges a bullet which heads directly for Chingy's head.

"Chingy!" screamed Eminem. "You old saggy titty bitches!"

"Oh shut the fuck up, punk!" yelled sophia, who flashed Eminem.

"Oh my god! I'm blind!" the rapper screamed loudly.

Naruto stood there like a lil nigga.

Sasuke kept standing there, fingering his asshole and thinking that he may have to take a shit.

Naruto kept wishing that it was his 9 inch inside Sasuke's tight anus, much like the way Steve did when he fucked Blue on that unrated episode.

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~flashback~

_It was one fine Wednesday morning and Naruto was bored as a mothafucka who just came out of school. Naruto went into the sitting room and sat on the couch, when all of a sudden he felt something hard hit his ass."Ouch!" he screamed. "I hope Sasuke isn't that rough when he gets my tight, crusty asshole."_

_He pulled out the cushion and saw that his black didlo-shaped bong was there. "So THAT'S where I put it!" exclaimed Naruto, and, surprisingly, there was still a little bit of weed left. "Oh, score!" He pulled out his lighter and lit his bong, inhaling the wonderful taste of that blueberry yum-yum. He only took one puff and he realized that he had already smoked all the weed. "Dammit!" he yelled._

_Naruto threw his bong out the window and it hit a black tabby cat. He had seen this cat around often, and it was a real bitch. He had given her the name Abby, because when he was high, he used to chant Abby Tabby like a misbehaved 4 year old. _

_Abby screeched and she yelled "I'll fuck you up, nigga!" _

_Naruto poked his head out the window and said "Oh Yeah? Well, what the fuck are you gonna do, you black nigga titty ho bitch?"_

_Abby threw a rock and it hit the tip of Naruto's nose. "You dush!" he screamed, and slammed the window shut._

_The door of their house opened and it showed Steve wearing a gimp suit._

_"What the fuck!" screamed Naruto, filled with shock._

_"Today" began Steve, "we're gonna forget Blue's Clues and do something out of the ordinary. I'm gonna rape Blue." _

_Naruto gasped. "He's gonna fuck that fucking weird-ass dog? Who's animated? How the FUCK is that possible?"_

_Naurto saw Steve in a jump-suit._

_Steve grabbed blue by her floppy ears and dragged her into his bedroom. He threw Blue by her ears and she hit the ceiling fan, breaking on contact._

_Naruto was speechless, how Steve could do something that fucked up?_

_Steve then begun to have a feeling inside his ass; it felt good and wet. His lips curved upwards into a sadistic smile as he imagined cherry blossoms falling around him. Blue could only watch as Steve hovered over her, waiting for what was gonna happen. She was in the evil clutches of Steve. _

_Steve then squatted in front of Blue, pulling down his pants, showing his pale, lucious booty. Blue's eyes widened in fear once she realized what was gonna happen to her. Steve begun taking a huge shit on the little blue dog. Blue could do nothing but scream as dookie coated her blue furr. The dookie smelt horrible. Naruto looked closer and discovered that the dookie had corn, worms, and even birds inside Steve's dookie. _

_"What the fuck? You eat BIRDS?" Naruto bellowed in horror. _

_Steve ignored the blonde boy, and continued taking a dump on the puppy. Blue suddenly felt a disturbing feeling within her... She felt the need to fart. Blue let out a tiny fart, earning a chuckle from Steve. Some of Steve's shit fell inside of Blue's ear! She whimpered and squirmed as she felt the worms devour her brain. _

_She twitched one final time before she died, her eyes closing softly. It was too late. _

_Naruto could only watch, mouth gaping like a fish out of water. _

_Steve turned around, and his eyes met the dead body of his once beloved pet. His eyes were filled with sadistic pleasure. He enjoyed the sight of his dog dead. He didn't know why, but he got an excitment out of killing things that were dear to him. He loved the pain, he loved the blood, the loved the smell of her dead corpse. One thing was missing, though... Steve couldn't put a finger on it. _

_He felt the need to connect with her. Literally. Steve giggled like a little school girl once he realized he has yet to fuck her. He pulled his 2 inch penis out of his pants, and began mercilessly fucking Blue's dead body. He slid in and out her, grunting once he finished. It wasn't until then he remembered the blonde boy was watching. His eyes met the blonde's before smirking. _

_Naruto's eyes stayed faxiated upon Steve's. He wasn't quite sure what to do. For fuck's sake, he just witnessed a dog getting shitted on, killed, and raped! His lips quivered as tears threatened to fall. The blonde's eyes slowly trailed down to where the dog's dead corpse was. "How... how could you?" Naruto bellowed, falling to his knees. _

_"I couldn't help myself." Steve stated emotionlessly. _

_Naruto trembled as Steve walked past him, leaving the room. Naruto vowed to get revenge upon Steve. One day... one day... _

_One day... _

_~end flashback~_

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_._

Sasuke nudged Naruto in the shoulder, breaking him out of his trance.

"Are you okay?" Sasuke asked, raising a brow.

"Yeah, I was just thinking about... something..." Naruto trailed off.

"About my dick?" Eminem piped up from behind them, wearing glasses over his blinded eyes.

"What the fuck? No! I don't want your small dick, Feminem." Naruto said angrily, slapping the glasses off Eminem's face, knocking him backwards into the 50% off bin. Sasuke looked mortified, covering his mouth with his hands like a true faggot.

Eminem was stunned. No one in his life as ever pushed him. Except back in middle school, when he got his ass beat every single day by some Mexican dude named Deangelo Bailey. (AN: No lie. He really did. Don't believe me? Search the song called "Brain Damage.")

"Bitch, I'ma kill you! Just you wait 'til I find my glock!" Eminem bellowed, his firey temper getting the best of him. His face got really red, and he huffed angrily. Eminem tried standing to his feet, but failed, falling to the floor, knocking over a shelf of perfume.

Sophia laughed so hard at the white rapper's unfortunate events, that her dentures flew out and hit Sasuke in the eye!

"Ow, damnit you old bitch!" Sasuke cursed in pain, covering his eye with his hand to stop the bleeding.

"Oh my God!" Naruto said very gayishly, kneeling next to Sasuke. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah... I'm fine, faggot."

Naruto huffed in annoyance at Sasuke's behavior. But, he was willing to put up with it. Naruto wanted to become Sasuke's dirty little house wife. He'd wash his clothes, clean his dishes, sweep the floor, comb his hair, clean up his un-godly shit everytime Sasuke took a shit on the coffee table. Yeah, he'd always be there for Sasuke Uchiha. He'd swear by it!

Naruto heard the door to Victoria's Secret open, making a soft "bing" noise. He turned to see who had entered the store. He saw an old woman who looked like she could be in her late 70's, followed by 3 children. She was an old black lady, holding the hand of a little bald boy with a peanut-shaped head with big-ass sneakers. Behind her followed a boy of about 11 years of age with dread locks. Not like Bob Marely dreadlocks, but pretty damn close. Then an older girl trailed after the boy. She was about 13 years of age, with her hair in some funky-ass balls.

"Grandma, why are we in a store filled with panties and bras?" said the girl in her ghetto-fabulous voice.

"Because, baby, granny needs to find some g-strings to impress grandpa." the old woman said, giving a light chuckle.

"But... granny, grandpa has been dead for 5 years!" the girl said.

"I know, honey." was all the old woman said in response.

The little girl blinked in confusion before turning to the little boy with the peanut-shaped head. "Lil Bill, keep yo' bald-ass in front of the store. I'm gonna go flirt with the cashier in the back and perhaps we can get illegally married in Mexico."

"I wouldn't marry yo' ugly ass." Lil Bill stated.

"What the hell does that gotta do with anything? I wouldn't wanna marry yo' bald-head ass either!"

"See, I got hair..." Lil Bill said, pointing to a tiny hair behind his earr.

"No you don't!" the girl fired back.

"You look like one of the X-Men." Lil Bill said, snapping his fingers in a very gay way.

His sister only blinked in confusion.

"You're so ugly you look like you got super-powers. You got super-powers, April?" Lil Bill said, his big ashy lips glistening.

The girl that was apparently named April could only scoff at her brother's stupidity. "You've done lost your motherfucking mind in real-life!"

"Shut up, little niglets!" their grandmother yelled, beginning to slap Lil Bill into the floor.

Naruto decided it was time to intervine. He walked over to the old lady, pulling her away from the little peanut-looking mothafucka that was laying on the floor, embarassed by his grandmother's antics.

"Whoa, lady! Calm down! They're just little kids!" Naruto reasoned, setting the old lady down.

"You're right, honey. I'm so sorry for actin' like a fool in public. My name is Alice the Great. What's yours?" she said with a smile, extending her hand towards the blonde.

"Uhm, hi Alice. My name's Naruto. Naruto Uzumaki..." the blonde said, taking the extended hand.

"This here is my granddaughter April," she said, pointing to the chubby little girl wearing the pink over-alls. "-and that is my grandson Bobby," she motioned to the boy with the dread-locks, "-and the little boy with the peanut head is Lil Bill."

"Lil Bill?" Naruto said, snickering.

"Yeah, nigga. You gotta problem?" Lil Bill screamed angrily, his buck-ass teeth visible.

"Yeah, I DO gotta problem. Your name is fucking hilarious." Naruto fell backwards laughing so hard that he farted extremely loud, causing him to shit his pants. Naruto immediately stopped laughing, his cheeks flushed with embarassment. He sat up slowly, feeling extremely embarassed.

"U-Um... that wasn't... that wasn't what you thought it was... I swear..." Naruto stuttered.

"Dayyyyum! That shit stanks!" Alice the Great bellowed as she pinched her nose, trying to avoid the stench of Naruto's un-godly ass.

"T-That wasn't me!" Naruto whined, tears forming at the corner of his eyes.

"Yeah, it was, you faggot! Karma's a bitch, ain't it?" Lil Bill screeched, giving him the birdie.

Naruto was about to give a reply when suddenly the front door opened, revealing that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were back! Naruto arched a brow as they approached them, eyeing the little boy with the peanut-shaped head.

"Why are you guys back?" Naruto asked.

"We are back because... wait... wait, what the fuck is that smell?" Donatello said, covering his nose, nearly gagging.

"Alice the Great took a shit in her drawers!" Naruto lied, pointing to the old lady who was diddling Bobby's ass while no one was looking. She jumped as everyone's attention was directed towards her, quickly pulling her finger out of his round, juicy, tight ass.

"Uhm... no I didn't!" Alice the Great said, her voice suddenly very ghetto.

"Yeah, you did, old-ass nigga!" Naruto screeched, wanting to slap the damn wig off that old-ass woman.

"Whatever! Anyway, we came for the little peanut-looking niglet..." Donatello said, smirking at the little boy with the big sneakers.

"W-Why do you want me?" Lil Bill asked, suddenly scared for his anus.

"Because... we find you very irresistable and we need you in our life..." Donatello said, speaking for the rest of the turtle group who inwardly agreed.

Leonardo scooped the peanut-head in his arms and dashed out of Victoria's Secret.

"Lil Bill! Noooo! Someone save him!" Alice the Great pleaded with the people around her.

Naruto piped up all hero-like from behind Alice the Great, "Don't worry, old lady. _I'll_ save him!"

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AN: I'm black. So don't call me a racist, pleeze. I'm just laughing at myself. It's good to do so once in awhile. **I don't own Naruto, Little Bill, The Golden Girls, TMNT or Blue's Clues. **


	11. Chapter 11

Naruto watched as the ninja turtles kidnapped Lil Bill. Alice the Great began to weep, buring her face in her ashy hands; Bobby and April both had an apathetic look on their faces.

"Meh, it was bound to happen sooner or later," Bobby said with a devious smirk on his face. At that moment, he resembled Lil Wayne when he was 10 years old. April bitch slapped his face and said, "How dare you say that about our brother?"

Alice the Great smacked both of them and said through her tears, "Both of you shut the fuck up! Those little punks stole my little grand baby!" She continued to sob, but it was cut short by a loud fart from Naruto. All looked at him.

"Dayuuuuum!" hollered Alice. "Yo ass needs some cleaning. How can anyone stand to be around you?"

"Lady," began Sasuke, "I've been around this flatulating dush for many years. You'll get used to it in time." He continued to finger his asshole and announced, "I seriously need to take a shit."

"As do I," Naruto said in a queer tone. "Don't worry, Alice the Great," he added, "I'll find your peanut head grandson." "Oh, thank you, baby," she said and gave Naruto a gangster handshake.

"I'll just stay in here untill you come back." Naruto looked at his Barney watch and said, "The store closes in thirty-six minutes."

"Well," she said, "I guess I'll have to give you my adress and you can return my lil peanut niglet when you find him."

She took at a piece of paper from her saggy cleavage and wrote the adress down. Naruto took it and farted really loud, as secret way of saying, "Good-bye old nigger!"

He left the store and followed Sasuke, who was standing outside of therestroom.

"Dush," Sasuke said frankly, "why are you gonna help that wrinkly old nigga grandma? This would be the first time you did anything good for anyone other than yourself after you helped Sai win that fight against Ton-Ton!"

"Sasuke. Be cool."

Naruto entered the first stall in the restroom and Sasuke to the one at the very end against the wall.

Naruto farted very loudly, causing the people in the stalls next to him to cough, followed by angry complaints. They all left, leaving just Naruto and Sasuke alone. Sasuke farted quietly, and looked at his dick.

He then looked at his flaccid 17 inch penis and started to play with it. It grew to 25 inches, and he wondered what it would feel like if Naruto's smelly ass was around it. He got disgusted and he stopped playing. He strained and a 11 inch turd fell outta his ass with a loud splosh! It was such a loud splash that he got his asshole wet.

Naruto laughed at the splash and farted too, releasing a two inch turd. Soon, they finished shitting and were about to leave the stalls, when all of the sudden, they heard a loud booming noise approach the bathroom.

Naruto looked out the crack in the stall and saw that it was Chouji.

He went past Naruto's stall and walked right next to Sasuke's.

"OH SHIT." Naruto covered his mouth with his hands, realizing what was about to happen.

He sat his 469 lb ass on the toilet so quickly that naruto could feel it shake 11 stalls away.

Sasuke looked down the stall and saw chouji's fat swollen kankles and shuddered under his breath. Chouji pulled down his custom made Hollister jeans and his bikini and started to fart EXTREMELY loudly.

"Oh, my god. Oh, my god," muttered Sasuke, mentally raped for life, trying to picture that fat-ass fuck on the toilet next to him.

"Why does he have to be next to mine? There are 22 other stalls!" Sasuke whispered to himself, looking up at the ceiling, silently pleading to God to let the fat-fuck bust an artery and die on the toilet.

Naruto's asshole got dry from the horrible image and sat there, indian style, on the toilet. Sasuke thought the ordeal was over, but it got worse. MUCH worse.

"Shit, I shouldn't have eaten all those fucking Big Macs and brussel sprouts!" screamed Chouji, sweat rolling down his five chins.

All of the sudden, a wet sloppy noise escaped Chouji's ass; he had diarrhea, and it was going everywhere. He started straining real loudly, piercing Sasuke's sexy ears. Chouji let out another fart, scaring away the little kids who just entered the bathroom. Their shrill screams could be heard across the store as they ran out the door, getting killed by a car in the parking-lot. Sasuke was NOT going to attend their funeral. He'd rather slip and fall in shit.

Chouji pulled out a cheeseburger and started to eat it on the toilet.

"That fat-ass," smirked Sasuke, suddenly craving a some chicken pot pie.

Naruto pulled out his blow gun, got on the floor and shot a tranquilizing dart at Chouji's kankle. Chouji became really relaxed and chill; He felt as if he just smoked a big fat-ass blunt. He eventually stopped farting and shitting, giving them a chance to escape.

They both left their stalls and didn't bother to wash their hands, especially Sasuke, who had been fingering his asshole and jacking off.

Once they were out in the mall, they sat on a bench.

"Sasuke," Naruto said, with almost a little whimper in his voice. "Won't you please come with me?" his voice now quavering.

"Naruto," Sasuke began, "you gotta do this for yourself."

Naruto looked down at the ground sadly, wishing the chicken-ass haired boy would be there for him. Fuck his chicken-ass hair! Naruto's nostrils flared angrily, about to snap at the emo, when Sasuke interupted.

"Besides Naruto, Sakura and I are going to the Olive Garden tonight and go back home and troll on random websites. I'll see you in a little while." With that, Sasuke scratched his saggy nuts and left the mall, leaving Naruto alone.

Naruto couldn't stand to be away from his baby! "Well, if he won't help me, I know someone who will!"

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_~Meanwhile, with Little Bill and the turtles~_

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Leonardo kept running as fast as he could, swift as lightning, with his three horny brothers behind him. Lil Bill was knocked out with chloroform, so he didn't have any idea of what was going on. But, even IF he was conscious, the little stupid nigga probably wouldn't have a clue what's going on. After all, he WAS a nigga.

"You've really outdone yourself this time, Leo," said Michelangelo, rubbing his hands together as he looked down at their victim. "I love the way his buck teeth shine in the moon-light..."

"I'll say," said Raph, with a satisfied grin on his forest green face. "So when do we get to start fucking this little peanut-head motherfucka?"

"In good time, guys, in good time," Leo stated. "Since I'm the oldest, I get to fuck his lil tight anus first!"

"NO, I WILL!" screamed Donatello, flapping his arms like a Celine Deon pretending to be a flamingo. "After all, my brillant tactics are the reason why our plans achieved beautiful fruition!"

He picked up a lotus flower from no where and picked the petals off, escalating his faggotness to a level that very few could comprehend.

"Okay..." said Leo, a bit word-struck from seeing the odd scene, "I have a decision that will determine the order in which we fuck the fuck outta his pink asshole; we'll play poker, and we'll go in order of who's got the best cards to who's got the worst."

"Fine by me, fearless leader," sneared Raph, "but you should know that I'm the reigning champ in this group."

"Oh, your luck's about to change, you hot headed cunt," said Mike, "cuz it's gonna be me."

His asshole started to get moist.

Leo placed Lil Bill on his bed and they all went to the living room. Mike pulled out a deck of cards and started to deal them.

"Wait!" started Donnie. "We didn't say which game we were gonna play."

"Texas hold 'em," butted in Raph.

"Fine by me," said Leo, with the others agreeing.

Leo dealt the card and set the board; it had the 4 of clubs, the king of spades, 4 of hearts, the 8 and 7 of spades.

Mike got his cards, seeing the Ace of clubs and the 4 of diamonds. Leo got the Ace of spades and the 9 of spades. Raph, the 5 and 6 of diamonds, and Don, the diamond and hearts of king.

Mike's best hand was a three of a kind with the 4's, Leo, an Ace-high flush, Don, a full house, and Raph an 8 high straight.

They showed their cards, with Don with the best, Leo with 2nd, Raph, in 3rd, and mike in 4th.

"Hahaha!" said Raph, "so much for luck! You got dead last."

"At least YOU didn't get first," sneered Mike, silently farting, hoping it will kill Raph.

Donatello took off his clothes and chained Lil Bil to the wall bitched slapped the fuck outta Little Bil until he woke up.

Donatello took off his clothes and Little Bill's clothes and chained Lil Bil to the wall bitched slapped the fuck outta Little Bil until he woke up.

"Hey, what the FUCK are you doing, you green motha fucka?" screamed Little Bill, looking around. When he saw that he was naked and screamed.

He saw Donatello's 1 inch penis and got scared. "Um... why are you naked... AND WHY AM I?" Little Bill said, his anus clenching painfully tight.

"We have been planning to a abduct a child for five months," Donatello explained, "and it turns out that you are our victim. A little buck-toothed, two-toned lipped niglet with a peanut-head. You're just what we've always wanted."

Little Bill futilely tried to escape, but to no avail

"Don't even bother in trying to escape," the turtle said, "you will not leave until we get that tight anus of yours."

Donatello pulled a pair of tweezers from his shell and began to masturbate.

He grew half a centimeter and shoved his dick 84 miles an hour into Lil Bill's mouth.

The buck-toothed nigga started to scream like Rosie O'Donnell at a buffet table.

Donatello smacked the back of nigga's bald-ass head and shouted, "PUT THEM ASHY LIPS TO GOOD USE!"

Little bill sucked Don's small dick, and he moaned like a straight guy inside a girl's vagina.

He sucked Donatello for 23 more seconds then he took it out.

"You know what comes next," Don said to peanut-head nigga. "I'm gonna get that shit hole of yours," Donatello paused, sneeze-farting, "and you WILL enjoy it!"

Don shoved his small dick into Little Bill's tight ass and Little Bill suddenly farted really loud.

Don ignored it and kept sliding in and out until he busted a raisin size nut in Little Bill's ass.

Don twisted Little Bill's nipple and slapped him until he bled.

"I'm through with yo nigga ass," he said.

He tossed Lil Bill's nuts and twisted them until he cried like Oprah when her doughnuts were taken away.

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_~Back to Naruto~_

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Naruto walked out of the mall, farting loudly and causing people to laugh and point at him. He went to the parking lot and found his vehicle; a gigantic 2005 Ford Excursion.

Naruto got into his giant-ass SUV and put it in reverse. He farted and started to drive home. On his way, he noticed Sai's apartment. He tried to parallel park in between a Saturn Ion and a Ford Focus, but failed miserably, destroying both of them. They all exploded as Naruto dashed to Sai's lawn for cover.

He didn't give a shit that he destroyed the cars. He walked up to Sai's apartment door and twisted the door knob. It wasn't locked.

"Damn, he needs to learn to lock the fuckin' door," Naruto stated to himself. "Someone could come in and still all his turd paintings. Wait, no one wants those... But then again... I sorta do..." He trailed off.

He walked in and saw the gay artist, painting as usual.

He walked in and noticed that he was painting another bowl of turds yet again. He looked at Sai and said, "Why are you painting shit again? Can you not paint ANYTHING else?"

"I have an undeniable obsession of shit," Sai said. "Kind of like you do, Naruto. Do you recall the time we went to that zoo and you broke in the monkey cage and ate all the monkey shit? They had to give you CPR because you ate so much monkey poop."

Sai turned back to his painting, picking up his brush and continued to paint the greasy, oily turds with his $920 paints.

Naruto shook his head and saw a fat white guy on the couch, watching TV and drinking Sunny Delight.

"Sai, who the fuck is this yellow haired motherfucker?" said the guy.

The guy was probably about 28 and looked like he was about 5'7 and weighed 270 pounds, so he was a little chubby. Naruto looked at him and said "Who the hell are _you_?"

"My name is Ryan. Ryan Snipes. You sure have a shitty hairdo." the guy smirked and let out a very moist fart. Naruto blushed and farted too.

Naruto walked towards Sai, who was adding a bluish tint to the turd painting and said, "Naruto, why are you here again? The last time I was here, you brought some nigga who destroyed my painting. Now you are interrupting my free time with Ryan."

"Where the fuck did you find this fat-ass cunt?" asked Naruto.

"He was standing behind me when I was at Wal-Mart the other day. He asked me if I knew any good brands of condoms, and we started to talk from there. He has such a colorful history. He came all the way from a small town in South Dakota!"

Mr. Snipes stood up, letting his greasy mullet swoosh in the wind.

"He's so charming, too," Sai added. Mr. Snipes farted and belched and fanned it towards Naruto. Sai laughed hysterically, letting his ponytails fly in the air, sorta like Repunzel, except Asian and extremely queer.

Naruto smelled the nasty odour and nearly fainted.

Sai combed his beautiful ponytail and asked the question he's been dying to ask the blonde-haired queer ever since he got there, "Naruto, you came here for...?"

"Oh yes," said Naruto. I was at Victoria's Secret and the most bizarre shit happened!"

"Oh, tell me, I love stories!" Mr. Snipes said, clapping his hands and he queefed.

A big "what the fuck" expression appeared on Naruto's un-godly face and he said, "I saw these niggas and a hot white rapper and these old ladies, and an old black lady with her grandkids, and all of the sudden, these ninjas came and stole one of the grandkids right in front of her!"

"Wait," said Sai, "you saw ninjas? What team were they?"

"None of our kind, they weren't even human. They were turtles!"

"...Turtles?" Sai said with skeptically. "What have you been smoking?"

"I smoked one blunt, but I was not really high. But I'm not joking."

"I don't believe you, Naruto," Sai said.

"I do," said Mr. Snipes, doing a salute to the blonde-haired ninja.

Sai turned around with ninja stealth, his pony-tail swinging and hitting Naruto in the face. Naruto screamed like a little faggot and fell backwards, breaking one of Sai's paintings.

"Damn, you fucking turd-face! You broke ANOTHER painting of mine?" Sai screeched, bouncing around the room like one of those cheap bouncing balls from Wal-Mart.

"Sai, calm down. You can always paint another shitty painting of a bowl of turds anyday... I mean, you have NO life. I don't even know how you met that fat-ass fuck over there," Naruto said, pointing to Mr. Snipes. "Anyway, Sai... I need your help... with these... ninja turtles."

"Who are these... ninja turtles?" Sai asked, playing with his long lucicious pony-tail.

"I know who they are. They are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a group of vigilantes. They live in the sewers since they seldom show their faces."

"Why do you know so much?" questioned Sai."

"...I had a one night stand with Michelangelo, the one with the yellow head band."

Sai shook his head and looked back at Naruto. "Why did they steal a grand-kid for?"

"They were horny and wanted to fuck a little kid."

"I see."

"Yes, you level-headed dush," Naruto said, reaching inside his Hello Kitty wallet, pulling out a picture of Lil Bill smiling all gay-like at the camera. "This is the kid."

Sai nearly doubled over with laughter at Lil Bill's buck-ass teeth and ashy two-toned lips. "That little nigger looks high as hell!"

Naruto glared. "Sai! This is no laughing matter! Sure, the kid is fucking ugly as sin, and his head is shaped like a fucking peanut... and... his sneakers are bigger than the rest of his body... It doesn't matter! We need to rescue him! His family loves him, ya' know?"

"Wait, Naruto. Why are you telling me all of this?"

"I need you to help me, because I want to vindicate my tainted honor," said Naruto, suddenly feeling very smart when he used big words. "I helped you win that battle with Ton-Ton, so I think it should be fair that you help me."

Sai thought for 8 seconds and said, "Alright, I will help. Just tell me what I have to do."

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**AN: **Hope you enjoyed this masterpeice. I do not own Naruto, Little Bill, or Mr. Snipes.


	12. Chapter 12

_~Back to the turtles~_

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Shortly after Donatello had left the room after fucking Little Bill raw in his small chocolate swirly ass, Leonardo came in and eyed deeply and seductively his peanut head prey, revealing a sadistic smile across his green scaly face. The Lord knows he badly needs some lotion on his reptilian skin, because it looked like he had a bad case of eczema.

Little Bill clenched his butt cheeks together, but Leo shot out an ashy hand and bitched slap the fuck out of Little Bill, causing a tear drop to form in his eyes which looked like pools of turds. Little Bill couldn't contain himself as the tears began to run down his chocolatey cheeks. Leonardo suddenly had the urge to sing "Chocolate Rain," but was way too horny to show his musical talent. Leonardo stood there and released his scaly 3 inch member, scaring Little Bill. Leo masturbated using a pair of tongs, growing a centimeter.

Little Bill wheeped and said, "I wish I obeyed Alice the Great, but since I'm a nigga kid, I just go on and do what I want!"

"Yeah, too bad, kid," pointed out Leo, "Your temerity will lead you to your own downfall."

"What the fuck did you just say?" screamed Little Bill. "I'm only five years old, you cunt!"

Leo struck the nigga kid again, knocking him unconscious like Charlie Sheen after he just took a big dose of cocaine. Leo then went to town and started molesting the little kid's ass.

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_~Back to the ninjas and the fatass~_

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The three men left Sai's apartment and Sai gasped in awe when he saw that on the lawn in front of his apartment by the sidewalk was Naruto's Excursion and the obliterated Saturn Ion and Ford Focus.

"Fuck, what the fuck happened to my car?" bellowed Mr. Snipes like a dinosaur giving birth, jumping all around waving his hands like Wacka Flacka trying to fly off a mountain. "My beautiful Saturn is ruined! And I haven't even finished my monthly payments!"

"Relax, Ryan," said Sai, "We can simply use my car. Follow me, guys." Naruto and Mr. Snipes both walked behind Sai as they approached a small shed. Sai opened the shed and turned on a light and a they saw a large tarp covering what obviously was a car. Sai quickly removed it and Naruto gasped at what he saw: a 1970 Toyota Corolla.

The Toyota was a faded brownish colour which may have been originally red, but truned this shade due to age. There were many scratches and dents on the hood, and the windows were slightly cracked. The front passenger headlight was busted, and part of the windshield wiper had been turn off. The interior was a more shocking surprise.

The seats, which were made of cloth, had turned black from obviously not being washed, and in the front, a spring was loose, visible to everyone. The dashboard had caked on dirt and stains from various foods, and the floor was covered with old McDonald bags and Bojangles chicken wings. Naruto almost gagged, overwhelmed by the un-godly stench that made his asshole smell like flowers.

"THIS is your car?" screamed Naruto. "This fucking piece of shit has seen more abuse than Chouji's toilet!" He shuddered, wishing that he had not said that after what had happened earlier that day. That memory of that fat fuck on the toilet would surely haunt him until his final day. How he wished he could erase that imaged etched in his mind.

"Yes, Naruto, this is Beatrice, my prized car," claimed Sai, rubbing the hood of the car, chipping off some of the paint. He had a blank expression on his face when he saw that. "It was passed down from my father who got it from his father, and you really should not nag about your car. At least mine gets better mileage than that gargantuan Ford Excursion of yours!"

"My Excursion has bit the dust..." Naruto said, pouting." I loved it so much; it had a lot of sentimental value to me. I even named it... Sharon." Naruto broke his special moment by farting really loudly and Sai obviously knew not to take his words seriously. In fact, Sai almost never took him seriously.

They both stopped arguing and got into the car. Naruto sat in the back, wincing in pain from the spring he sat on and it poked him in the asshole. Sai turned on the car and put it in reverse, leaving the apartment.

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_~Meanwhile with Little Bill~_

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Little Bill had already been gangbanged twice, and he practically could not take much more of it. Hi chocolate asshole was bleeding and numb from the turtle cock. Leonardo had finished his job and left the room, letting Raphael, the most aggresive of them, come in. Little Bill that he was in for some big trouble, expecting the worse.

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_~Back to Naruto~ _

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"So where are we supposed to go, exactly?" asked Naruto anxiously, worried about what might become of the little peanut headed nigga.

"We've got to find the main sewer pipe that leads directly to the ocean," explained Ryan, trying to turn on the radio of the piece of shit car, but all that happened was a crackle and a spark.

"Damn!" roared Sai, enraged. He was so mad that he swerved so sharply that he just missed hitting a little kid on the sidewalk. The kid gave him the middle finger. "Now that the radio is broken, I can't listen to my favorite rap station! How am I supposed to keep up with the latest hip-hop or newest Lady Gaga single? She may scare the shit out of me, but her music is sensational!"

He began to hum "Edge of Glory" quietly to himself.

"Sai, honestly, who gives a shit about your music, and more importantly, when the fuck are you gonna buy a new car?" demanded Naruto, farting loudly and not enjoying the car ride at all with all the bumps and the spring digging into his asshole. The only thing he wanted poking the inside of his asshole was Sasuke's massive dick.

"When I get enough money, I will," replied Sai who just rolled his eyes. "My paintings evidently, no one wants to buy my paintings. I can't seem to figure out why. I put my heart and soul into my art, shouldn't that at least mean anything?"

"The only thing you paint is bowls of fucking turds!" shouted Naruto, quietly farting to himself. His fart sort of sounded like Michael Jackson when he hits a high note.

"Can't you at least paint something that at least has some artistic value to it? Like a beautiful landscape in Maine?"

"I will not stop painting shit, Naruto, just because you find it weird. I know that you secretly covet my paintings. And why the fuck would I want to paint a picture of Maine? That shithole of a state isn't worth a shit because hardly anyone lives!"

Naruto gasped all of the sudden. How the fuck did Sai figure him out? They weren't even that close; only Sasuke knew Naruto that well.

"Well, why can't you try and look for a job like a normal person?" implied Naruto. "I thought you wanted to work at Papa John's Pizza, so what happened to that?"

Sai did not say anything in response to Naruto's question. Sai was beginning to get annoyed at the blonde-haired queer and his annoying farts. Although, Naruto's farts smelled a hell of a lot better than his car, he had to admit. He just kept concentrating on driving the car which would surely break at any moment.

Mr. Snipes let out a sqeaky fart that sounded similar to a mouse, breaking the silent. Sai smiled a little and his cheeks turned a slight pink; nonetheless, he just kept driving and about five minutes later, Mr. Snipes said, "Stop here."

"Why? Are we there yet?" asked Naruto and Sai.

"No, I just need to take a shit," pointed out Ryan, who got out of the car and ran into a nearby gas station. They waited four minutes for him, and he came out with a 52 oz cherry Slushie.

They kept driving for about another five minutes and then Mr. Snipes announced that they had reached the sewer pipe which leads to the ocean.

They all three got out of Sai's piece of shit car and Sai accidentally shut the door so hard that the window shattered to pieces. Sai shrugged and didn't care because he is like that.

They went to the ledge and saw a huge sewer pipe that was about 7 feet in diameter. Nasty sewage spilled from it into the ocean. "Well, this is where we enter," said Mr. Snipes. They jumped from the ledge and landed into the inside of the pipe; they were finally in the sewer, the home of the turtles.

Raphael, the turtle who is infamous for having a ferocious disposition and a lack of rationality, slowly crept towards Little Bill. The five year old was scared almost to the point of turning into an albino since he was afraid of what might happen to him this time.

The red-masked turtle pulled out his sai and Little Bill probably knew then that his life was about to come to a dissapointing end right there, right now. Raphael put lotion on the hilt of his sai and rammed it fourcefily into the little peanut head's ass, which had already suffered more punishment than Blue off of Blue's Clues.

Raphael did this for about a minute, then he took it out and, without warning, shoved his dick into Little Bill's mouth. The little kid began to scream muffledly, the vibrations tickling Raph's penis. He was loving every moment of this. He spoiled the moment and farted really loudly, confusing Little Bill.

"Dayumm, that shit stanks!" screeched Little Bill, who crinkled his nose up in order to avoid smelling the unpleasant odor.

Raphael didn't say anything and continued his work, or terrorizing, whatever he wanted to call it.

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_~In a sewer passage~_

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Naruto, Sai, and Ryan Snipes began to walk through the disgusting sewers in attempt to possibly find any clues of to where the little boy is. Naruto released a very moist fart and sighed, then said, "We've been walking around for a long time. When are we going to find that little peanut head nigga?"

"I guess I've lost my sense of direction," suggested Mr. Snipes, but as soon as he said that, a indistinct scream echoed through the sewers. It sounded like a black person being deprived of a bucket of chicken.

"Did you hear that scream?" said Naruto, who just farted.

"Yes, I did," said Sai. "I believe it came from that direction." He pointed to the northwest and they followed the path. All of the sudden, they were against a brick wall.

"That's rather odd..." speculated Naruto. "Why is there a brick wall right here in the middle of the sewer?"

"That's because the turtles live here," explained Mr. Snipes. "They have a secret lever right here." He reached up where some pipes were and pulled it and the brick walls opened like electronic doors.

Let's go!" said Naruto after he just let out a nasty fart, killing some sewer owls.

"Hoot! Hoot! Hoot! Hoot! Damn, mothafucka that shit stank!" The owls bitched and complained as they slowly died, exploding into a frenzy of feathers.

They all entered the lair and were greeted by three gasping turtles!

"Hey, it's that kid with the chicken ass hair we saw at the mall!" screamed Donatello frantically, knowing that he and his green pals had been found out!

"No, that was Sasuke!" Naruto said, glaring at the turtles. "I don't have the chicken ass hair! I have hair that sort of looks like slices of cheese sitting on top of my head. There's a difference."

Michelangelo approached the entrance and looked at Mr. Snipes with big, sad eyes. "Ryan, why?" he began, his voice breaking. "I thought you had left back to your small ass town in South Dakota and resumed your fast food career! And who the fuck is that guy with the black hair and a long yet luicious pony-tail?" he added, pointing a green-colored sausage looking finger at Sai.

"The name is Sai, kid," said Sai, walking over to Mr. Snipes and placing his arms on the chubby guy. "And he's mine. He's _mine_! You can't have him!" Sai was suddenly very defensive, and he swung his hips around, aiming his ass in the air at the little motherfucker. He farted loudly; it was extremely wet and sloppy sounding. Sai wondered for a second if he actually shitted his pants. He ignored the wet feeling in his tight panties and continued swinging his hips wildly and puzzling the turtles. He wanted them to get a good smell of his ass.

Danotello ignored the gay painter's antics, and pulled out his pink badazzled blackberry and updated his Facebook status. It took him several minutes to finish typing his status, which was: "ducided ta try out yoga taday. it look hot. wenta da class n we startd doin deez pusitions. sum turtle bird swan i don fuckin kno random ass animal pusitions i wuz like wher da fuck i at da zoo? seein all deez ppl doe lef n rite turnin, contortin dey bodys, twistin em bendin em god it made me so fuckin horny. ended up jus askin ta go ta da bathroom 15 mins in n vibrated fa da resta da class. cant wait fa next week!"

After Danotello updated his status, he bent over, showing his turtle ass to Ryan and Sai. They both gasped and took a few steps back; they KNEW exactly what he was going to do. Danotello let out the loudest fart either of them have ever heard in their queer lives. Danotello's juicy buttcheeks vibrated as the fart nearly lasted for 5 minutes.

Ryan gagged and double over, and Sai laid a comforting hand on his back. "It's ok, baby," Sai whispered lovingly in his lover's ear. "I think he sold his ass to the mothafucking devil."

"Or either he tounge-punched Raphael's fart-box!" Ryan continued to gag, vomitting his 50 cheeseburgers from McDonald's from earlier that day.

"Ok, Mikey, it's your turn, and-" He stopped once he saw three rather unattractive humans who had just entered their lair. Raphael blinked a few times as he studied a rather fruity looking painter with cakey not-well-done make-up, a round yet some-what charming fat man that wore a McDonald's t-shirt, and then there was a short little blonde guy with determination in his eyes - or it could be gas.

"Who the fuck are you two?" He shouted, pointing at Sai and Ryan. "Wait, I know who you are; you're the kid who gets his hair done by Bon-Qui-Qui at the ghetto salon!"

No!" fired back Naruto defensively, farting out of control. He placed his sexy hands on his beautiful hair and looked back at the turtle. "Give us back that kid!" he shouted.

"You want him?" prompted Leonardo. "You gotta fight us for him."

The turtles drew their weapons out and were ready to strike at any moment. Leonardo took out his beautiful twin katanas and twirled them around, ready to slice off someone's head. Donatello swooshed his bo-staff around so quickly like a helicopter blade that he flew up in the air for about 8 ft and landed on his ass. Naruto laughed and farted rather loudly, knocking the purple-masked turtle unconscious.

Sai took out his ink, his paint brush, and his paper and stood there. Raphael cocked an ugly nonexistant eyebrow and said, "What the fuck are you going to do, you chink? Draw a calligraphy picture and expect me to fall over?"

Sai, whoosing his ponytail, said, "You couldn't be any closer from the truth." He drew a boa-constrictor on his paper and the 13 ft snake stretched out and tripped over Raph. He fell over and groaned, ready to give up, mostly because he had been drinking too many beers.

Leonardo was suddenly backed up against the wall and said "Who the fuck are you?" He began to get a little scared because he had never seen anything quite bizarre like Sai. His pony-tails are out of this world.

Naruto pulled out a kunai and threw it at the tails of Leo's mask, trapping him against the wall and he was unable to move.

Sai initiated his Super Beasts Imitation Picture and drew a photo of seven dragons. The dragons flew out of the paper and caused Leo to pass out, cold and out of conscious.

"Ryan, c-can't we sort something out?" said a scared Michelangelo, knowing that he was 3 against one now. He did not have the support of his older brothers, so he was pretty much screwed. "I-I didn't even get to fuck the little kid! Can't you kick my ass later? Me so horny!" Mr. Snipes, fed up with the immature turtle's shit, amazingly hit him with a roundhouse kick, his fat belly lifting up like a second silhouette, astonishing a farting Naruto, shining a ray of light on him.

"Wow, that is most impressive," said Naruto, who let out a greasy fart. "I totally underestimated you, and I deeply apologize for what I said. But I still don't understand why Sai likes your fatass."

Mr. Snipes just smiled and said, "Let's go in there and get the kid." The others walked in and saw the poor kid, who was covered with cum, and his anus was bleeding. His pants were ripped in places and his shirt was all dirty. He started crying and covered his eyes and said, "Please, please! Have mercy on my poor little nigga self!"

"Relax, we're here to help you," said Naruto, assuring the kid that everything would be ok. "Do you remember me? I was at the mall earlier and-"

"Yeah, I remember yo' smelly ass!" screeched Lil Bill, ruining the sentimental moment. "There ain't no way YOU are saving me. My only savior is Captain Brainstorm, and you sure don't look like him! You insulted my name and made me-"

"Hey, he just rescued you from God knows what, kid," said Sai, "and now you want to this? Can you not say thank you, you spoiled brat dush?"

Little Bill was all of the sudden smacked by reality and said, through tears, "What I went through is enough to give me nightmares for the rest of my life. I'm so sorry for acting out like that. I guess I didn't realize that I was thankful to come out of this alive. Can we please go home? Please?" he begged.

"Very well, let's go," said Naruto, picking up Little Bill's small body and carrying him out of the sewer.

In about five minutes, all four of them were in Sai's piece of shit car, and Little Bill began resting on the back seat, more than eager to go home and see his family.

"Where to?" asked Sai, sitting down on the nasty seat.

Naruto pulled out the piece of paper Alice the Great had given him earlier. "Number 1 on Honeywood Street," he said, letting out a wet fart as he gave the address.

"That name sounds kinda sexy; kind of reminds me of the time when I shoved a honey comb up Ryan's juicy butthole. Very well, let's get moving," said Sai, and with that, they left and began to head to Little Bill's house. Along the way, no one said anything mainly because they were not in the mood to talk after all that drama.

They entered a street that was full of duplexes and apartments. A girl who was riding her bike got the smell of Sai's piece of shit car and fell off her bike, hitting a tree; luckily, her helmet absorbed the impact and she walked off, swearing. A man wearing a trench coat, pajama bottoms, and slippers was walking his huge dog who stopped by an oak tree and took a big shit, catching Naruto's eye.

"Ok, we're here..." Sai said with no emotion at all, something that everyone is familiar with. Naruto farted, and he was more than eager to let him out.

"I'm heading back home, Naruto," said Sai. "I'll see you later."

"Wait, why are you leaving?" asked Naruto, disappointed that he was going to be left alone in an unfamiliar area of the city.

"Because... I'm going home to take care of some important things." Sai smirked sexily at Ryan Snipes, knowing that they were going to do something "special" as soon as they got home. They assumed Naruto would take a hint and beat it so he would stop wasting such precious time. Naruto started to turn jealous because he wished Sasuke would show him some affection towards him like that.

All in all, Naruto didn't really give a fuck what Sai was going to do; he was appreciative of his help for finding the kid. Naruto picked up Little Bill and walked up the stairs to the door and rang the door bell. The door was nice and made of mahogany; apparently, these people had a lot of money because a nice Lexus was parked in front of their lot. Nonetheless, the door creaked and opened slowly...

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AN: Ok, here it is. Just a heads up, you haven't seen the last of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!


	13. Chapter 13

"Umm, _this_ is where you live?"

Naruto wasn't used to being in such a oreo neighborhood; it was basically filled with black people whom acted white. They talked professionally, nor did they use the term "nigga" or "booze." Naruto was amazed, because this was the first time in his life that he met such well-kept African Americans - well, minus their son. Their son was kind of out of hand. He sounded like he came straight out of the hood. To think that they would have enough money to fix the little boy's fucked up teeth. Whenever the peanut headed kid screamed or opened his mouth wide enough, you could see that all of his teeth were several inches apart. It kind of reminded Naruto of Jaws.

"Yeah, faggot. This is my house." Little Bill stated proudly, walking up the ghetto-looking stoop. "You gotta problem, chink?"

"No, you peanut headed peice of shit," Naruto spat. "Plus, your stoop is ghetto as fuck and needs to be re-done. Might I suggest Allen Eastridge? He lives several states away and is a real handy-man. The only down-side to him is that he has the massive shits, sorta similar to me, except 10 times worse. I mean, once I hired him to fix my car, and after he gave it back to me, there was a peice of shit as long as my arm in the back seat. I was scared to touch it at first, because I thought it was a snake."

"My stoop is perfectly fine, you bitch-ass nigga. I don't need to Allen Ostridge or whatever his fucked up name is working on my stoop! Anyways, my parents must be worried about me. Let's go inside and talk to them. Just a heads up, though... My sister isn't pregnant. I mean, I know she has a big belly and looks pregnant but she isn't!"

Naruto rolled his eyes, letting out a small fart before knocking on the door several times. He was totally ready to get rid of this peanut headed nigger that was so annoying - just like _all_ nigger kids. Plus, the little boy reeked of his soiled underwear and collard greens. He wasn't being racist, just honest and observant. Anyway, Naruto hoped he wouldn't fart in front of this African American family, but he knew he most likely would. He has tried Gas-X and Beno and all sorts of stuff, but his gas over-powers every single thing in this universe - even Eminem!

All of the sudden, the door slowly creaked opened, and a woman with lucious Hershey's chocolate skin opened the door. She had some dreads that were wrapped in a scrunchie and she looked down at the yellow haired queer and her son. She jumped up and down with glee and smiled down at her son, relieved to see him. She didn't know what he has been through, nor did she care, she just wanted to get child support from Little Bill's REAL father several states away. Thank god she will be getting more money in the bank to get more bling bling from The Dollar Tree!

Oh my goodness!" she screamed loudly, like the African American woman she was. "You found my sweet peanut-head baby! Oh, after Alice the Great told me what happened, I was about to have a heart attack, but then she told me that a kid with yellow hair that looks like a chicken ass was going to find my baby! By the way, my name is Brenda, and I'm his mother."

All of the sudden, a man whose skin looked like Milk Duds came from behind Brenda with a shocked expression on his face at the sight of Little Bill. He knew the little boy wasn't his son, and didn't care much for the little niglet, but played along for the sake of child support checks.

"Oh my God, you found Lil Bill!" he exclaimed, walking up to Naruto, who just farted, and took the little chocolate boy out from his hands.

After several moments of him hugging the boy with a fake smile on his face, he tossed Little Bill over his shoulder carlessly, continuing to have a fake smile upon his Bon Bon colored face. He ignored the cries from Little Bill behind him, and spoke to Naruto, "It took you a lot of bravery for what you did. We were just about to eat dinner when you rang the door bell, so why don't you come in and join us?"

"Well, um," Naruto said, about to protest to the idea of having dinner with a bunch of black people. But, after all, it was _free_ food, and he wouldn't pass that up. "Thanks, Mr. Glover, I'd love to have dinner with you niggers - I mean neglegant people!" said Naruto, letting out a juicy fart from his queer asshole. Brenda and the man pinched their noses, trying to avoid inhaling the un-godly odor from his unsanitary asshole.

"Damn, kid! Yo' ass stanks!" shrieked Brenda, waving the air in front of her.

"I guess Alice the Great forgot to mention that part," Naruto said, embarassed, letting out yet another juicy fart. Naruto tried squeezing his buttcheeks together to supress the farts, but failed, farting loudly yet again. Naruto cried out in frustration, looking up at the sky, cursing God for giving him such horrible gas. He must have done _horrible_ things in past lives to deserve this curse. The Glovers just continued to stare at the blonde boy, their eyes watering from the smell of his flatulence.

"Well, uh... no sense in standing out her on this hot night," said Mr. Glover, who entered their house. "The food we prepared is about to get cold if we stand here any longer."

Mr. Glover walked to were Little Bill was laying on the floor, still crying because he had a boo-boo on his knee. He was crying about he wanted a Captain Brainstorm band-aid, but Mr. Glover ignored the peanut head kid and slung him over his shoulder. After walking half-way up the stairs, he banged Little Bill's big head against the side of the wall, knocking him unconcious so he'd shut the hell up for a moment. He carried Little Bill up the stairs into his room, when Little Bill woke up and said, "Dad, is that really you?"

"Yes, son, it's me, your nigga daddy." Mr. Glover lied.

"I had the most horrible day, and I am so glad it's over. I was raped by these giant turtles and-"

"Little Bill, why don't you go change your clothes and get ready for dinner? Naruto will be joining us for dinner, and you want to look your best... and please for the love of God, don't wear your big-ass sneakers or the same shirt you wear every single day."

"What? That farting yellow haired cunt?" screamed Little Bill, so loudly in fact, that Naruto downstairs could hear him. But, since Little Bill was a little black kid, he didn't give a damn.

"Little Bill, where in the world did you hear that word? You're only five years old," said his father, wanting to smack his brain out of his big peanut head.

"April told me, and I heard Ms. Murray say it once at school," explained the little kid.

"I'ma whoop your sista's ass for teaching you that word, and I'll be sure to talk to the principal! What the hell is your teacher anyway? Puerto Rican? Portuguese? Or is she just a light-skinned nigga? Gah, I don't know. She confuses me! Her hair looks like Bob Marley did it. She's a bad influence on you, Little Bill. Ever since someone caught her hitting a bong in class, in front of _all_ the students, things have just gone down hill. Perhaps we should switch you to a different teacher and take your fat-ass sister to a fostor home."

"Alright, dad, shut the fuck up!" Little Bill said, rolling his eyes in a typical little nigger boy fashion.

His father glared at the boy for a moment, and promptly turned around and left him in his room to get dressed. Meanwhile, Naruto was standing in the foyer, farting really loudly and not knowing what to do. It was so awkward at being at someone else's house and just standing their awkwardly - especially since it was an African American house-hold. He was scared a possum might run out from under the couch, even though the house looked rather decent, he didn't want to take any chances and sit down on the sofa.

"So, uh... what's for dinner, Mrs. Glover?" asked Naruto somewhat impatiently, passing gas as he said that.

"It'll be a surprise, don't worry," said Brenda, a big smile on her nigger lips. Naruto just nodded, but was still slightly annoyed that this woman was taking so damn long. Mr. Glover had already said the food was cooked, so he hadn't the slightest idea on what Mrs. Glover was doing. He sighed and slumped against the wall, wanting to go home. Just then he heard two older kids arguing; it was Bobby and April, and they came down the stairs arguing about something stupid.

"What's up?" Naruto said, throwing up a gangster sign, earning two confused faces on Bobby and April.

"What the hell was that you just did, hog shit?" shouted April, scratching her dandruff ridden scalp.

"It's a Japanese sign for 'What's up, homie?'," said Naruto. Bobby just simply looked at him and raised an eyebrow. He was the typical black boy that tried to be smart and actually wore glasses but failed horribly at it. He looked like a nerd, however. It did sort of fix his personality. Other than the fact that he had a 50 cent CD. "Why did you save our brother anyway?" he asked. "When we saw you in the store, you two were fighting and arguing and farting and shit. Why would you want to save my peanut head little brother?"

"I had to clear my name, nigga," said Naruto, farting as he answered.

"Ahh, hell nah!" shot out April. "I know you did NOT just call us niggas."

"Oh, um, sorry," apologized Naruto. "The last time I said that, some ugly motherfucka chased after me with a gun."

Foot steps began coming down the stairs and Naruto turned to see that it was Little Bill, wearing his elephant pajamas.

"What's up, fool?" shouted Little Bill, waving at Naruto.

"Uh, hey, Little bill," replied Naruto, who stifled a laugh when he said that name. "Your parents wanted me to stay over for dinner; I can't wait to see what you people eat."

A voice in the kitchen announced "Dinner is ready!" and they all went to the dining room table to eat. Naruto sat down in a chair which was by a window, and his eyes widened when he saw what was on the table. He nearly doubled-over with laughter and it took all of his strength not to burst out into laughter. He pressed a hand over his mouth, farting extremely loud as he strained so terribly hard not to laugh his ass off.

"Don't fart at the dinner table, fool!" shouted April, picking up a fork and a spoon.

All the foods which Naruto heard that were stereotypical for the African American race were all on the table! There was about 3 lbs of spaghetti, 18 fried chicken breasts, okra, collard greens, watermelon, and 4 huge ass pitchers of grape Kool-Aid. Naruto was astonished; he had never seen so much food in his life! How were these people not obese? I mean, April was a tad chubby, but this was Mr. Snipes' size! Naruto giggled lightly to himself before picking up a fork of his own.

"Well, dig in!" said Brenda, looking at Naruto hopefully. "I hope you enjoy our dinner, Mr. Uzumaki."

Naruto gave her the middle finger under the table, and all of them began serving their own plates. Naruto grabbed 3 chicken breasts, a spoonfull of spaghetti, a scoop of collard greens, and a small slice of watermelon. He looked down at his food and farted really loudly. Alice the great started to retch when she heard it, while the others laughed; they were now used to his gas problem, and they didn't mind as much, even though it smelled horrible, and it made them want to barf up their food.

April, who was sitting next to Naruto, was the big eater of the family; she was eating her 7th piece of chicken and her 3rd slice of watermelon. She ate the watermelon and spat the seeds out at little Bill's forehead.

"Aye, watch it, bitch!" screeched Little Bill, who started to wipe off the seeds from his ashy forehead, the watermelon juice sliding down his face.

Alice the Great, slower than a slug stuck in molasses, hadn't even eaten half of her fist chicken breast. It was mostly due to the fact that she had no teeth and since she was an old nigga grandma, she couldn't afford dentures. She munched lightly on the collard greens, savoring each bite of the juicy vegetable as if it was last time she would eat it. If it was, she would cry like Jaleel White when he was beaten and thrown into a trashcan like back in high school.

Brenda ate her spaghetti, and suddenly said, "This spaghetti is missing something... Oh yeah, hot sauce!" she went into the kitchen and got a 4 gallon bottle out and dumped it all over her spaghetti, scaring Naruto a bit. How the hell could she eat that garbage? No wonder Little Bill was so fucked in the head and had buck-ass teeth!

Little Bill barely touched his watermelon or his collard greens, but he enjoyed the chicken. "Mama, may I be excused?" he asked.

"Sure baby, you can go upstairs, and take your yellow haired friend with you."

Naruto was through eating and followed the peanut head up the stairs into his room.

"Follow me, playa," said Little bill friendly, and Naruto felt slightly uneasy as they went into his room. He expected buckets of KFC chicken laying around, as well as empty Kool-Aid cartons all over the place. Little Bill flipped on the light, and to Naruto's amazement, it wasn't so bad at all. There were posters all over the damn place of Captain Brainstorm and one poster of a naked woman spreading herself. Naruto then looked over, and the first thing he saw was an animal cage and he saw a yellow critter in it, running on a small metal wheel.

"What the _fuck _is that?" hollered Naruto, farting in his anxiety.

"This is my hamster, Elephant," pointed out Little Bill, taking the yellow creature out of the cage and hugging it. Little Bill turned to look at Naruto, smiling widely, his buck teeth very evident. That added with the name of his hamster sent Naruto into a frenzy of laughter.

"Elephant? Are you serious? _Elephant_?" screamed Naruto hysterically, falling over on the floor farting wildly, poisoning the air in the small room.

The hamster named Elephant gave Naruto the birdie, and turned around, shaking his hamster ass at the blonde boy, letting out a tiny yet moist fart. "Fuck you, bitch!" Elephant squeaked, but Naruto was too busy laughing to notice anything from the little rat-looking creature.

"Motherfucka, why do you keep farting?" said Little Bill, pinching his nose. "Do you need to take a dush?"

"Yeah, I do, actually," confessed Naruto, his laughter slowly quieting down.

"Where's the bathroom?"

"Down the hall on the left," advised Little Bill, "But I wouldn't-" He was cut off by Naruto, who slammed the door in Little Bill's face, way too eagar to go to the bathroom. "Go in there," the kid finished.

Naruto didn't give a fuck what that kid was gonna say; he had to shit BADLY. He twisted the bathroom door and opened it.

"Oh shit, I gotta take a dush!" he yelled loudly, knowing everyone in the house probably heard him, but he could care less. Everyone had to dush, right? He sat down quickly on the toilet.

He released a thunderous fart from his tight ass, making the water in the bowl shake. He looked down at his penis again, and started to play with it yet again. He began to use a toothbrush to masturbate and said "I'm so fucking little. 10 inches is sooo not big." He got quiet after announcing this and heard faint breathing. It was coming from inside the bathroom.

Naruto looked towards the bathtub, which had a Captain Brainstorm shower curtain concealing it from view. Naruto, nervous to find out who or what was behind there, slid the curtain and saw that it was... Neji! Why did it have to be Neji of all people? Him and Sasuke were close friends, and he'd most likely tell Sasuke of his true penis size! It would scar him for life and everyone in Konoha would know!

"Holy fucking shit!" screamed Naruto, falling off of the toilet, letting out a huge fart that produced a 7 inch turd, which splattered on the linoleum. The turd stood and up, and darted out the bathroom and down the hallway to God knows where. Naruto blinked for a second, then turned to Neji, forgetting about his turd comming to life.

"Neji? Is that you? Why the _fuck _are you here at the Glover's house?"

"Yes, it is me, Naruto," pointed out Neji, looking at yellow haired queer with his freakish eyes. "And why the fuck are you here in the bathroom? Can't you see I'm taking a fucking bath, you peice of shit? I feel so violated!" Neji put bubbles over his breasts, even though they were very small, and hid his nipples from Naruto's view.

"Neji, I came here because I rescued Little Bill, the ugly as sin peanut head nigga, and they invited me over for dinner. Now I have to take a huge shit, which explains my excessive gas... I mean, more than usual... But, what the hell are _YOU _doing here?"

"I moved in here the other day," Neji explained, washing his back with a loofah sponge and a bar of Dial soap. His hair made him look like Hinata, his cousin, and Naruto felt himself get a hard-on but mentally slapped himself. He knew Neji had a dark and unpleasant asshole. Neji _seriously_ needed to bleach his ass. "I fell in love... with April. She is so magnificent, and so beautiful and gracious. I truly love her with every thing I have-"

"Where the fuck did you meet that fat-ass bitch?" asked Naruto. "I thought you were gay! I mean, who the hell is straight and has long-ass hair like yours? Ya' know what, I have no words. I'm speechless. I thought you liked TenTen!"

"I met her at work," answered Neji, who began scrubbing his nutsack in front of Naruto. Even Naruto was a straight-up queer, he almost wanted to gag at the horrible sight. His nuts were dark brown and hairier than Kakashi's back. His nuts bounced up and down and he scrubbed them; they looked like two chocolate Easter eggs.

"Where do you work at?" asked Naruto. "I'm surprised anyone would let you get a job, let alone fill out an application."

"At Victoria's Secret," said the bathing ninja. He turned his view from Naruto and looked towards the faucet where a rubber ducky was lying. He picked it up and squeezed it 8 times, letting it make a queer squeaking noise, which pleased the ninja greatly. He giggled like a queer and jumped up and down, his saggy nuts bouncing with him as well. He turned to Naruto and simply smiled, "I work as the cashier in the back of the store where they sell the good stuff, and she just randomly walked over to me and started flirting with me."

"Isn't it cute?" asked Neji, pointing to the rubber duck. "I call Michael. Michael the rubber ducky!" He squeezed the duck again, annoying Naruto.

"I can't believe that you are straight, let alone fall in love with a _chocolate_ girl!"

"I am bi-sexual, but I am hoping that being with her, I can fully change my status as straight," corrected Neji, watching Naruto stand up and squat down on the floor, laying a big-ass turd so the Glover's could remember him by that. Naruto groaned and strained as the 62 foot turd slid out his ass all at once. Naruto sighed, relieved.

"If memory serves me right," began Naruto, thinking quite hard, "Didn't you also fall in love with Rock Lee and claimed that he was your true love?"

"Michael the rubber ducky says no," said Neji, giggling once again, covering his small breasts with his long hair. He then leaned closer to the blonde, squeaking the duck right in Naruto's ear.

"What the fuck?" screamed Naruto. "Ducks can't talk, and you know that this relationship with that chubby girl won't last long! She will steal all your money, and probably steal your boobm box and pawn that shit for two joints! Also, you'll be bouncing on someone's dick and you know that, you peice of shit!"

"Michael the rubber ducky says you shouldn't make false accusations such as that, Naruto," roared Neji.

"Michael the rubber ducky needs to shut his motherfucking mouth before I fucking cram another ducky down his throat!" bellowed Naruto, letting out a tiny fart.

"You wouldn't dare do that, Naruto; you're such a chicken shit, lost in this world with no one to love. Hell, I think you are the ugliest mother fucker in Japan!"

"How dare you say that!" shouted Naruto, highly offended by the queer-looking dude's comments. He had enough of his bullshit. He got up and bitch slapped Neji right in his ugly face. Neji screamed like a little girl and fell backwards in the tub, his face going under the water, whilist Michael the rubber ducky flew in the air. Naruto took this as a chance, and stole Micheal, grinning deviously.

The long haired shinobi sat up, gasping for air, his long hair wet and matted. He then leaned against the side of the bathtub, unconscious. Naruto felt that Neji could fall over and drown; even though he was Naruto's enemy, he would rather have the satisfaction of killing him in person. He took him out of the tub and laid him on the floor. Naruto stared at Neji's little three inch asian penis and put shaving cream on his pubic hairs.

"Once that girl knows you shave your pubes like a fag, she'll dump your ass!" Naruto evily chuckled. He squatted down, his ass facing Neji's face. He strained once again, letting a huge turd land on his face with a loud thud. He giggled as he turned around, looking at the heaping turd on Neji's solemn face. He knew once Neji was discovered with shaving cream on his pubic hairs and a turd on his face, he'd get dumped by April for sure! He grinned with satisfactory as he left the bathroom and went down the stairs.

"I greatly appreciate the good ghetto food," he said to the Glovers, "but I need to head home. Bye, niggers! Um, I mean..."

He couldn't find an excuse this time, and just decided to get the fuck out of there. He quickly ran out of the house and into the street, hoping to find a cab to take him home, when all the sudden, he was caught in the headlights of a car that was quickly approaching him!

"Oh shit!" shrieked Naruto, knowing that he could die right here.

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AN: I'm not racist, for I am black myself. Laugh at yourself, people. Geez. I do not own Naruto nor Little Bill.


	14. Chapter 14

**Naruto lifted his head up into the air and howled into the night in sheer terror. He literally saw his queer yet adventurous life flash before his eyes. He covered his eyes with his sexy hands; if he knew he was about to die, he at least didn't want to see it happen. He said a little prayer to God, hoping that He could forgive him for all the bad stuff that he has done in his lifetime, like setting Tsunade's garden on fire or shitting on Neji's face, even though that long haired dush deserved it.**

**He waited for over ten seconds, wondering why he wasn't dead yet. He slowly took his hands off his eyes and noticed that the car had stopped. The headlights were shining brightly in his face, so he couldn't really see who it was; for all he knew it could've been Devon who wanted to personally kill Naruto with a knife, or something.**

**"Naruto, for fuck's sake, why the fuck are you standing in the road like a fucking dush that you are?" said a voice; it sounded awfully familiar. It was his man, Sasuke!**

**"S-Sasuke?" whimpered Naruto. "Is that you?" **

**"The one and only, skank. Sai told me where you were, so I decided that I would come and pick you up and take you home."**

**That thought made Naruto's asshole wet. Maybe... just... maybe...**

**"Wait," said Naruto, interrupting his thoughts. "You and Sakura were going out to the Olive Garden, right?"**

**"We were, but that pink haired foople is on her period, she has serious menstrual cramps, so she wanted to stay at home and eat ice cream and watch Jersey Shore. I seriously have no idea why she finds that fucking piece of shit show appealing."**

**"Can we just go home, please?" begged Naruto. **

**"Alright, dush, hop in my car." They both got into Sasuke's brand new Aston Martin; only God knows where he got the money to buy one, considering the fact that Sasuke didn't even have a job, as far as Naruto knew. It turned Naruto on in so many levels that Sasuke had a sexy-ass car. He would totally nail Sasuke's tight puckered ass on the hood of it, if he could. Naruto felt his dick grow 56 feet into the air, hanging out the window of Sasuke's car. Sasuke failed to notice it, for he was watching the road carefully, he didn't want a single scratch on his beautiful car. **

**Several bugs hit Naruto's dick, making Naruto giggle slightly because their wings tickled the head of his dick. **

**In about ten minutes, Naruto was back at home, and he thought over the adventures he had today. He pulled out his stash of Blueberry Yum Yum, smoke a few blunts and went to bed. As he laid on his bed, he pulled out his Blackberry and tweeted, "Life is good."**

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**AN: I know it's fucking short. It's just another quick update, since you guys were practically begging for it. I don't own Naruto. **


	15. Chapter 15

Naruto had finally awoken from one of the most pimperific slumber he has ever had in his queer yet manly life; he lay on his beautiful rose pink silk sheets he had bought from Ikea when they were 75% off retail value. He loved the way they felt against his Asian body, the way they rubbed against his pointy nipples. He also recalled having one of the best dreams ever, even though it is not unusual.

He dreamt that he was making out with Sasuke in a hot air balloon over the Arctic circle, and he sat on the edge of the balloon basket and took a shit which landed on a polar bear down below. After that, Sasuke would take a shit on a beluga whale, and after he had finished, they would rub their dookie filled asses against each other, followed by Sasuke pounding the fuck outta his ass.

Naruto, who had been sleeping like a fucking Snorlax for 8 hours, finally decided to wake up from his pimperific slumber; he needed all that sleep after rescuing Little Bill and eating all that food. He stretched across his beautiful pink silk sheets that he bought from Ikea when they were on sale for 85% off, and he HAD to have them. He rubbed his nipples against them, pretending that it was Sasuke's smooth ass.

Naruto lifted his ass in the air, straining hard as a dingleberry flew off his ass-cheek and landed on the ceiling.

He had just had the most magnificent dream about Sasuke, even though he was the only thing Naruto ever dreams of because he's that fucking obsessed with Sasuke. He didn't care what others thought about him and Sasuke, he knew that Sasuke was the only man that he would ever fall in love with.

He dreamt that he and Sasuke were inside a hot-air balloon 238 feet above the arctic circle and were making out while sitting on the edge of the balloon basket. Naruto then pulled down his tight emo jeans and took a shit on a bear, while Sasuke pulled down his tight panties and took a shit on a beluga whale. They then rubbed their dookie filled ass together, smearing the shit everywhere, and then

Sasuke pounded the fuck outta Naruto's brown shitty asshole.

Naruto could only dream; that becoming a reality was as far-fetched as Chouji joining Weight Watchers.

Naruto decided not to waste anymore time in the bed, so he hopped on out and put on his 7 inch high heeled bunny slippers on his ashy feet and walked down his sexy pink and yellow hallway.

Just as he was about to enter the living room, he could hear something which appeared to be...singing. Was it Sasuke seranading him with a Nickelback song, or was Naruto hearing things? He walked into his living room and saw that his furniture was dancing and singing Blue Berry Yum.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" screeched Naruto, causing the lightbulb in his lamp on the table to bust. "I didn't know furniture could sing!"

"Ah, Naruto, just the mother fucker I wanted to see," said his sofa, who had eyes where the arm rests were and the seat cushions were moving up and down in order to talk.

"Where the fucking hell did you come from?" Naruto screeched, about to freak out of his goddamn mind.

"I came from the Salvation Army, bitch-ass nigga," the couch bellowed, thrashing his sofa arms wildly in a frantic and angry way. "You gotta problem about the hood I grew up on, bitch?"

"N-No, you motherfucking couch!" Naruto growled, still slightly disturbed he was talking to a motherfucking couch, for crying out loud!

"I'm so hungry with tha munchies, I'ma eat everything in siiiiiiiiiigght..." expressed the sofa out of the blue, tilting his head back ans he sung into the air. He was lost in the moment and begun grinding his body as he felt the drugs take him away. The sofa eventually turned it's attention back to the blonde boy, pressuring Naruto into letting out a very wet fart. Sweat rolled down his face and he got nervous.

"Um, what exactly do sofas eat?", said Naruto. "Money? TV remotes? Hair? Dingleberries from Squidward's butthole underneath all his sucktion-cups?"

"Uh-uh, muthafucka, I want Doritos and salsa!" screamed his sofa, louder than Lil Jon. Naruto, paralyzed with confusion, didn't move a muscle. His brain couldn't process it; his couch was talking to him. This couldn't be happening! This was weirder than the time he caught Allen Eastridge eating dingleberries from Sasuke's ass at summer camp of '06.

"Why the fuck are you just standing there, bitch?" demanded the sofa. "Get cho' flabby and saggy ass into the kitchen and get me some Doritos! Make sure you get the Cool Dingleberry kinds! The last time I ate the Nacho Cheese kinds, I had bad gas that lasted for years!"

Naruto rummaged through his kitchen cupboard and finally found the Doritos. He looked in the refrigerator and got a bowl of Habenero salsa and took it to the couch.

He went up to the sofa and watched as the sofa spreaded it's cushions and Naruto dropped a chip into its mouth. "Yum-yum, bitch!" said the pleased sofa, who wanted more. Naruto poured the rest of the chips in the sofa's mouth and the sofa indistincly began shouting out profanities about naruto trying to choke it. The sofa's teeth her several feet apart, similar to Little Bill's, except the sofa's teeth were jagged, like a incestual hillybilly's teeth in West Virginia.

"YOU ARE HEARING BIRDS!" the sofa randomly screamed.

Naruto just stared at the sofa for several minutes, confused and still suprised that he was talking to a motherfucking sofa.

"What...?" Naruto said. "I'm hearing birds...?"

"Yeah, you dingleberry," the sofa said, shooting Naruto the middle finger. "Fuck you and your ugly hair-cut! It looks like a cheese farm is growing on your head!"

"Oh, hell nah, motherfucker! My hair-cut is not ugly!" Naruto screamed, tears forming in the corner of his eyes.

Naruto went behind the sofa and grabbed his revolver that for some unknown reason was in the sofa's ass. He took it out anyway and pulled back the hammer on the revolver. "Say good-bye, dush," warned Naruto, farting, pulling the trigger and shot the sofa in the back of the head rest. He did this five more times until he ran out of bullets and farted on the sofa's dead body. He laughed deviously as he pulled out a 20 dollar bill that was in the back side of the sofa. He put it in his Hello Kitty wallet whiched meowed when he opened it and put it in his pocket.

"That sofa had a good idea," said Naruto. "I am hungry afterall." he went into the kitchen and went into the refrigerator and opened it up. All of the sudden, all of the ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, and jam jars started singin

"You Got a Problem" by Ludacris. Naruto cleaned his ears out to make sure he wasnt hearing stuff. "What the fuck?" he shouted. "Has Ludacris' ghost haunted my house? Why is everything singing his songs?" He went over to the silverware drawer and took out a huge carving knife and starting slashing and hacking the bottles which starting screaming in horror as they were being brutalized by the stoned yellow hair ninja.

Naruto, beserk and in a frenzy, left running out of his house and starting running over to Sasuke's house as fast as he could. He had to see if his man could come help him in this obscene predicament. After all, Sasuke was understand, right? He always had good advice to help the naive yellow haired ninja.

He walked into Sasuke's house and saw him, doing something rather weird.

"What the _fuck_, Sasuke?"

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AN: I know you loved this chapter. :) Expect an update soon, my loves!


	16. Chapter 16

Naruto was surprised as he walked in on Sasuke, naked on the floor, rubbing his pointy and erect nipples. Sasuke's face was twisted into intense pleasure as he continued stroking his nipples whilist rolling into something which appeared to be little balls of lint, Naruto guessed. The blonde watched Sasuke several moments, trying to figure out if he was having a seizure or not. Naruto suddenly farted, causing Sasuke to notice his presence. The black-haired boy smiled lazily at Naruto, enjoying the nasty smell of his flatulence. He stopped stroking his nipples and sat up, waving at Naruto happily.

Naruto raised a brow, suprised by his lover's actions. This was totally unlike him and to be honest, it scared Naruto. He knew Sasuke did drugs; crack, weed, smack, shrooms, x, dust, meth, basically any drug known to man. Which is why the boy was so pale and had dark circles around his eyes. It looks like he always stayed up all night jacking off to gay porn, but he actually just did a lot of drugs. Or both.

"Naruto, what's up?" Sasuke mumbled, a queer smile upon his face.

"Sasuke, what in the absolute _fuck_ are you doing?" shouted Naruto, who didn't know whether to be scared or turned on.

"Oh, Naruto," slurred Sasuke. "I'm just rolling in my dingleberries because I was bored."

Naruto nearly choked on his own saliva at the realization. He was rolling around in his _dingleberries_? Who the hell does that? Ok, well, to be truthful, he has done it once or twice at a party with Gai and Lee after they forced him to do a keg-stand. Let's just say it did not end that well. Naruto shuddered at the memory, then turned his attention back to his crush once more. Sasuke had proceeded to roll around in his dingleberries once more, his musuclar body squishing them flat. The blonde then caught on that Sasuke was drunk; he secretly liked drinking tequila when he was bored and usually started doing freaky things that were even a little intense for Naruto.

"I _love_ rolling around in my dingleberries," he slurred to Naruto, who watched his giant penis which was well over twice the length of Naruto's. Sasuke quickly rolled over and his 89 foot cock slapped the fuck out of Naruto's face, knocking him straight to the floor, leaving him unconscious.

Sasuke then crawled over to where Naruto was lying and picked up his giant dick and started peeing all over Naruto's face. Naruto awoke several moments later as he felt some warm liquid on his face. He tried to open his eyes but they burned because of the liquid. Naruto caught on about what was happening and began to try to sit up, but the flow of Sasuke's piss was too strong, and the blonde couldn't get up. It was starting to get harder to breath and Naruto started gargling on his man's urine; on any other occasion, this WOULD turn him on, but he was dying due to Sasuke's drunken stupidity. Had the situation been under romantic circumstances, he would've enjoyed this because Naruto was a sick fuck that enjoyed scat. But, since Sasuke was was more wasted than Lil Wayne at the VMA Awards, it didn't have much sentimental value.

"Sasuke!" screamed Naruto, who let out a fart that lasted for over 29 hours, "What the _fuck_ is wrong with your bitch-ass?"

"Showing you how much I like you by marking you as my territory," said Sasuke, who suddenly felt nauseous.

The pale queer with a bad 5 'o clock shadow covered his mouth with his hand as he felt his lunch from earlier starting to come up. Sasuke quickly looked around for a toilet, because it was coming up fast. He quickly tried to dart across the room, but he ended up slipping in some of his piss, falling hard on his ass. He covered his mouth again as the vomit reached his mouth.

"Oh shit, it's comming -" Sasuke couldn't finish due to vomit shooting out of his mouth as it landed all over Naruto's shoes that he bought from The Dollar Tree. Naruto pulled his feet away and shook the chunks off his shoes. His vomit was lime green and reeked of banana peppers. Naruto didn't know why the hell is vomit looked that way, and he didn't desire to know. Naruto took a step back and slipped in a puddle of Sasuke's piss, falling on his ass. He felt his ass grow wet with the warm pee, and groaned in annoyance. Could this day get any worse?

Naruto almost wanted to vomit hiself; he couldn't stand Sasuke now, so he would check on him later. He wanted to go see his second best friend, Sai. He wondered what the queer artist was up to; probably painting a picture of Ryan taking a shit into a bowl and painting the turds. Naruto farted at the thought. Sai's turd paintings made him have the juiciest flatulance ever, and that's what he loved about Sai.

As he was walking over to Sai's house, he pulled out his queer and bubbly pink iPod and started listening to Whitney Houston because she was his favorite female artist. He played, "You Give Good Head" and imagined that he was Whitney singing and that Sasuke was listening to him as Naruto tried to capture his heart so that they could be one step closer for ass fucking. He imagined him getting on one knee, singing his queer little heart out to Sasuke as he watched him with awe and adoration. He felt his heart clench with love. They would poot together, shit together, pee together, vomit together. Naruto could feel his butt-cheeks blush.

He walked up to Sai's apartment door and turned the door knob to discover that it was once again unlocked.

"I could seriously give a fuck less if someone enters Sai's house and beats him up and steals his turd paintings. If he is that fucking dumb to leave the door open for anybody to just walk in, I don't have any sympathy."

As he opened the door, he had no idea what to from the queer artist who had no emotions.

"Sai, if you're painting another fucking bowl of turds, I'm gonna - WHAT THE FUCK!" he screamed at what he saw. He then saw Sai, bouncing on Ryan Snipes dick. Sai was moaning in pleasure as Ryan nibbled his earlobes and was saying Sai's name.

"Naruto, get the fuck out," said Sai blandly. "Ryan was about to come over."

Naruto almost wanted to gag at what he was seeing. He seriously had no idea what to believe; everyone was acting so weird today, especially Sai, since he normally did nothing out of the ordinary. Naruto rushed outta Sai's house and began to head towards Sakura's house. She was his backup friend when Sasuke or Sai wasn't around.

As he walked down the street, he ran into someone he didn't really like: Shikamaru. He was holding Temari's sexy hand and he kissed it romantically and gazed at Naruto and said, "Where the fuck are you to in such a hurry? The last time I saw you running like that was when we were in the Olympics and you had to take a HUGE shit."

"Aye, fuck off, dush!" shot back Naruto.

"Hey, don't speak to my man like that you little punk!" replied Temari who slapped Naruto in the face.

"Oh yeah?" said Naruto, who was still not convinced. "How about this?" he turned around and farted thunderously for about 10 seconds in their faces so hard that they both blasted off high in the sky, twinkling like a little star as a dingleberry flew after them.

Naruto looked off in the distance and saw them fly so fast that they hit an airplane, causing it to crash into a daycare.

All of the little kids ran out of the daycare on fire, they stopped, dropped, and rolled, putting out the flames that were engulfing them. They wiped the ashes off of themselves and acted as though nothing had happened. They went to play on the swing set and smoke their weed they had found in the sand box.

Naruto looked around and saw the back of his orange jump suit which had completely turned dark from all of his shitting.

He farted and giggled as the gas tickled his rectum.

"That felt good," said Naruto, patting his juicy ass.

He walked down the street and finally arrived at her fluffy pink front door. He rang the door bell which sounded like a kitty meow and she didn't answer it. He rang it seven more times to annoy her, but when he rang it the eight time, she finally came to the door.

Naruto watched as Sakura opened the door; she didn't have a top on, so her non existant titties were hanging out.

Even though Naruto was pure gay, he sometimes why Sakura, at age 16, had breasts the size of a 7 year old. She seriously had nothing to put in a bra, so it kinda shocked Naruto that she would just walk around without wearing anything.

"Yeah, what the fuck you want?" asked Sakura, scratching her AA titties which all of the sudden giggled. Yes, her breast _giggled. _It bounced up and down as it gave a big toothy grin. Jagged teeth were sticking out her nipples!

Naruto looked at Sakura's giggling titties and wondered why they laughed; he remembered when he was at Victoria's Secret the other day that Sasuke's titties started to laugh, so he wondered how hers could, too. Maybe he was the only person in the world who's titties could not laugh. It suddenly made him feel like an outsider because his titties couldn't laugh. He looked down at his slight man-boobs and bounced up and down, trying to jiggle his titties and make them laugh. Unforunately, all his titties did was fall under his arms because they were so damn saggy. Naruto cried in despair as he realized he couldn't make his titties laugh, then turned his attention back to Sakura.

"Um, well, I was going to tell you about Sasuke!" screamed Naruto. "I went to that nigga's house and he was naked on the ground, rolling in his dingleberries and -"

"Yeah, that's not uncommon when he's hammered," said Sakura, scratching her titties again which started laughing once more like hyenas. "I remember once back in 96 he rolled in Chouji's dingleberries, and let me tell you, that wasn't a pretty sight. And besides, you of all people should know that, since you have a 24/7 obsession with him." She stopped talking and strained for a moment and let out a huge fart, soiling her Hello Kitty thong.

"Fuck, that shit smells really, REALLY bad," she said, shoving her fingers up her ass and pulling her shit-covered fingers out, sniffing them then licking them.

Naruto just raised a brow. He was used to this.

Suddenly the phone rang, causing both of them to jump at the sudden loud noise. Naruto reached out for it, but his hand was swatted away by Sakura's, as she gave him a glare, "Naruto, don't you dare touch my phone you fucker! It's a private number. I'll put it on speaker phone."

The pinkette pressed the speaker phone button, then said sweetly, "Hello, you reached the house of Sakura Haruno, home of the skank that gives head seven days a week."

"Ok, 'ya bastard, you wanna play rough? Whore slut bitch!" A husky voice boomed through the phone.

Sakura's eyes widened, but quickly recovered, and snapped back, "Who the fuck are you, man?"

"Give the phone to Naruto, you crusty-lipped skank." the voice spat.

Sakura looked offended, then tossed the phone to Naruto. She glared at him, crossing her arms over her chest, covering her small AA sized breasts. Sakura's chest was so flat that you could land a plane on that motherfucker. Sakura often stuffed her bra with napkins from The Red Lobster, but they ended up looking lumpy and it was obvious she faked her bra size.

Naruto gulped before clearing his throat. "H-Hello? Who is this? How did you know I was at Sakura's house?"

"I know a lot of things about you, Naruto..." the voice cackled.

"You sound like you have bad idigestion!" Naruto screamed, suddenly feeling very scared for his asshole.

"Yeah, you know what? The hell with you then. Yeah, go to hell, go to hell." the voice rambled on and on.

"Yeah, you too! Bye-bye! Take care, bitch!" Naruto shot back.

"You son of a bitch..." the voice growled.

"You, sir, are the motherfucking son of a bitch!" yelled Naruto, getting angry with this person's antics.

"You know, if I wasn't so sure that you were a lesbian, I'd say you are coming on to me." the voice said seductively.

Naruto's eyes widened. "What the _fuck_ are you talking about, man? Who is this?"

"Whore slut bitch! You've got a sick mind!" the voice boomed once more.

"Yeah? Well, you've got a STUPID FUCKING MOUTH!" Naruto screamed.

"Yeah? Well, you know what? The hell with you tehn. Yeah, go to hell." the voice said once more.

Naruto gritted his teeth together as he responded, "Yeah, you too! Bye-bye! Meet you there, mothafucka!"

The voice was quiet for a moment when a fart was heard on the other end. The voice then said quietly and poiletly, "Everyone leave. I have to poop."

"..." Naruto couldn't find anything to say in return. Was this mothafucka serious?

A loudy and juicy fart was heard on the other end of the line that lasted nearly 20 seconds straight before the phoneline went dead. Naruto blinked several times before putting the phone back down on the hook, looking at Sakura in confusion.

"Who the _hell _was that?" Naruto questioned.

"Well, how the fuck would I know you peice of shit?" Sakura spat, letting out a queef. Her eyes widened once she realized she had her period and just strained out bloody chunks. She blushed as bright red blood ran down her legs. Naruto nearly wanted to fucking vomit.

"I'll be right back," she said as she left and headed towards her pink bathroom, forgetting to shut the front door. All of the sudden, a voice said, "Why were you spying on me earlier, Naruto?" Next, a sexy hand with yellow fingernails with shit underneath the nails tapped Naruto on his shoulder, and he turned around as if he'd been found, he saw that it was his man Sasuke.

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AN: Hope you enjoyed, bitches and gentlemen.


	17. Chapter 17

"Sasuke!" screamed Naruto like the preschoolers who are on Barney when that 6 foot dinosaur who was probably Ryan Snipes cosplaying was chasing them, about to rape them with his purple cotton dick,"I really didn't mean to stalk you! You looked so sexy on the floor, rolling in your dingleberries, but that isn't why I came over!"

"Ok, so why did you bust down my door univited, dush, huh!" asked Sasuke, who flipped his dry emo hair out of his zitty face; it had split ends and it frizzed up like an afro. He looked like a chink mixed with a nigga. He used the best hair care products like Garnier and Suave shampoo, while Naruto used Johnson & Johnson baby shampoo on his yellow hair. But, Sasuke's face looked like the surface of the moon with so many craters. He seriously needed to buy some Neutrogena or Proactive and scrub his face with sand paper.

However, Naruto seriously did not care about the condition of Sasuke's skin because he thought it was sexy nonetheless, even though he looked like a beef-cake with a moon pie on top.

"I came into your house to tell you about what happened this morning!" said Naruto excited, jumping up and down in an attempt to make his titties laugh, but nothing. Sasuke scratched his and they started to laugh real nasally like Fran Drescher on the Nanny.

"Yeah? What?" said Sasuke, scratching them again, making them laugh like Will Smith when he was smoking a blunt. "What is _so_ fucking important that you had to burst into my house and watch me in a very sensual moment? I was thinking of the time a cement block when up my asshole."

"Anyways," started Naruto, jealous of Sasuke's titties because they laughed, but then he saw Sakura rub hers sexily with her bubblegum pink fingernails, making them laugh in glee like Oprah when fried chicken was placed in front of her.

"I went to cock-block like a square fucking male chicken. I got up, and rubbed my nipples against my sexy Ikea sheets, when all of the sudden, I remembered a dream I had about you. You _have_ to hear it!"

Sasuke cocked his eyebrow and started rubbing his asshole, followed by a moist fart, which urged him to sniff his fingers. "That fart smells a lot like the Hamburger Helper I ate last night with a corn on the cob," he said, getting hungry for some shrimp asshole.

"What did you dream about THIS time? Can't you seriously dream about something else besides me? Not that I don't admire the attention, but you always dream of me." Sasuke added, having the urge to call Naruto a "turkey ass."

"Ok, so this is what I dreamt of," began Naruto, letting out a juicy fart that vibrated his butthole, causing him to blush and giggle. "You and I were in a hot air balloon above the Arctic circle off the cost of Norway, and we were making out on the edge of the balloon basket. All of the sudden, I saw a polar bear, so I pulled down my tight emo jeans and a turd flew outta my ass and landed right on the polar bear! You then pulled down your tight panties and shitted on a beluga whale, then we rubbed our dookie filled asses together, smearing the shit all over our buttcheeks, and then you pounded me in my tight, shitty, brown asshole."

"Wow, that is by far THE most random dream that you ever had of me," said Sasuke, farting again. "That could never happen; for starters, you don't have a pair of tight emo jeans, and second of all, where would we find a hot air balloon?"

"I didn't think about that," said Naruto, "but when I woke up, I heard my furniture singing Blue Berry Yum Yum! I was so scared, so I pulled out my revolver and shot the couch."

Sakura had nothing to say, so she just farted really loudly and queefed, expelling her period. It ran down her legs and covered her Hello Kitty socks. She started to queef, whining how she had to fly all the way to Africa to buy them. It had African dung beetles all over them but she didn't care. She loved elephants.

"Naruto, crack is one hell of a drug," said Sasuke, "I should know."

They all three farted simultaneously, dingleberries flying out of their asses as they did so. "So what do you want to do today?" asked Sakura, smiling and giggling, followed by her titties laughing as well.

"Let's go to the Olive Garden," suggested Naruto, grabby his saggy stomach.

"Hell yeah!" yelled Sasuke and Sakura in unison.

"I need to shower first, though," said Sakura, running upstairs to get inside her pink shower.

"I should too, because my ass stinks from all the dingleberries I've laid today," said Naruto. "How about we meet back here in an hour?"

"Ok," they both said, so Naruto started to head back home, but then, he had a creepy desire to see Little Bill and Elephant and laugh at that motherfucker. He walked down the street and pulled out his hot pink ipod and started to play "Slob on my Knob" by 3 6 Mafia. As Naruto was about to turn on the street, he heard yelling; it sounded like that chubby girl April.

He decided to investigate, so he hid behind a dumpster so that she wouldn't see him. He all of the sudden saw her carrying a knife and was chasing someone. It was no one other than Neji!

"You lying motherfucker!" screamed April, trying to run like Wilma Rudolph, trying her best to slice Neji's hideous neck. "You shave your pubes like a fucking fag? I should've known better not to trust you!"

"Please, let me explain!" pleaded Neji, but failed because April was still chasing after him. He pulled out a steriod pill and ran 3 times faster, easily out running her fat ass. She was exhausted, like Chouji when he tried to run in the Olympics. She gave up running and ended up bending over, exposing her dark chocolatey ass to the world; it was bumpy, like it had zits all over it, and flies were swarming around it. She strained really hard as she let out a loud juicy fart that lasted for 27 minutes. She then strained once more, letting a peice of shit fall out of her ass that was longer than her house. She pulled back and screamed in her ghetto voice, "DAMN! No wonder I've been having stomach pains! And here I was, thinkin' I was pregnant." She bent over again, farting a little, letting a dingleberry fly out and hit the window of a house before chasing after Neji once more.

He then saw Neji's queer-looking ass keep on running in the direction of Naruto's neighborhood; where was Neji going? He didn't live in that area. The yellow haired queer shrugged and decided to go home and take a shit and a shower.

He finally made it towards his house and saw that his upstairs window was opened.

"That's weird," said Naruto, "I don't remember leaving that open." He scratched his anus, then twisted the door knob and went inside and headed upstairs.

He took of his shitty jumpsuit and threw it in the laundry room which was filled with about 23 other jump suits he never has had time to wash. He went into the bathroom and saw that someone was in there!

That someone was no one other than Phillip Blackwell. As we introduce this new character, keep in mind he is a distant relative of Naruto with the same shitty problems... literally. Phillip walked out from behind the washing machine and let out a large fart which stained his white tighty-whities a greenish brown color. He blushed and went back to his native habitat behind the washing machine. Meanwhile, across town, Allen Eastridge was finishing up giving Caitlyn More-ass a "white face" and finished working on his car, was walking to that very laundromat playing "We're Not Gonna Take It" composed by Twisted Sister, on his cassette player. Better known as a Walkman to the more yellowish people. As Allen walked into the laundromat he was ASTONISHED that they had a ghetto ass pac-man machine from like 1982 and started poppin' dem quarters.

As Allen was playing his favorite game on the side of the 1980's, he was unaware that Ryan Snipes was mopping that floor... because that his job. Poor little nigga. Anyways, he got a bit too close to the machine and popped the cord out of the back. It was a nerdy white guy with no friends and jacks off 4 times a days worst nightmare. Allen got so pissed when the machine turned off he started shaking the machine violently to try and get them quarters back because he is so cheap. When he finally realized it was the fat nigga that had turned the machine off, he started yelling and shit and making dumb points that have nothing to do with whats happening and Caitlyn started kicking her legs. Caitlyn jumped up and down in anger like the little midget she was, barely jumping as high as Allen's hip. The fat nigga started to shit his pants as he awaited what was coming to him.

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AN: I know you loved it.


	18. Chapter 18

Phillip was short and a little stocky, but a good care bear blance that gave him his boyish charm; he was about 2'3 and weighed about 6 lbs, and he had long hair that ran down to his thigh and was about the same color as dooki. He had on a tilted hat, his gold chain which hung to his navel, and his acid wash Levi Strauss jeans. He then walked out of Naruto's laundry room with a boom box on his shoulder playing Ll Cool J from back in the day.

He was seriously out of date on style; to him, time never moved forward and he was stuck in the year 2011 with a 1985 mentality. He seriously talked about all the latest new trends like the Golden Girls and Whitney Houston, and totally spent his time playing on his NES, playing Ghostbusters and snorting about 22 table spoons of cocaine a daily basis.

He was a champion breakdancer, capable of doing a 3600 degree spin on his head and doing 8 backflips in one jump. He normally traveled via pogo stick and usually taught amateurs to smoke cannabis, and if anyone was mad at what he did, he'd sing "Screwed Up" by Ludacris and continue to snort cocaine. He had on a cross about two feet tall on his chain; he was a good Christian, just with weird habits.

Whenever he wasn't break dancing or doing drugs, he would study chemistry and back illegal drugs out of common house hold items, like Elmer's glue, aluminum foil, cabbage, shoe strings, whatever, and then he would roll it up into a triangle and smoke it out of his navy blue plastic hookah he stole from Mohammad Baig.

Mohammad Baig was a dude whose ass was drier than burnt chicken, and he used paprika for deoderant. Mo was obsessed with Balto and sometimes had random dreams of pounding that wolf-dog's ass. Mohammad Baig was actually a Russian dude who lived in the Mohave Desert in Nevada in a town called Dryfield that was about as large as Sakura's nipple.

"Baby, when I cut you, don't squeal. I hate them loud noises. I FUCKING TOLD YOU!" a voice yelled from outside. Naruto looked out the window to see Mohammad slitting a white person's throat. Naruto shrugged his shoulders, turning his attention back to what he was thinking about before.

Anyways, Naruto wanted to know why his distant relative was there, a dush who originally was from Halifax, Nova Scotia, who then moved to Newburyport, Massachusetts so he could stalk the actress from the 1990 TMNT movie.

"Hey, Phillip!" screamed Naruto, letting out a huge fart, attracting his distant relative whom he always looked up to.

"Yes, dush?" said Phillip, who was eating his fifth quarter pounder from McDonald's and drinking water.

"Why the fuck are you living behind my washing machine?" asked Naruto, his stomach growling for some food; he had a hankering for some octopus titties.

"Because I can..." said Phillip, rolling up a blunt and smoking it. Naruto realized that Phillip had stolen his stash of blue berry yum yum! How the hell did he find it?

"Not good enough, doodie," said Naruto, getting mad and snatching the gallon sized bag of blue berry yum yum. He took out a huge piece and ate it.

"Hey, would you shut the fuck up?" said a voice. It was a girl who was about 17 years old. There was also a guy next to her and he was about 18. He had cute hair in pig-tails and looked slightly Mexican. They were having a group geometry session!

"Caitlyn," said Naruto, squinting his eyes at the black haired girl with fake neon green hair extensions, "is that you?"

"The one and only, fatass," she snickered, as she opened her book and was studying triangles.

The guy next to her was Allen Eastridge, a dude who seriously obsessed over his car collection. He also boasted constantly that he owned a jacuzzi that faced a huge corn field. But, in reality, he had a small blow-up pool in front of a corn patch. He was a liar and lied about everything. He even boasted that his dookie was brown, when in fact, it was a bright green. He was studying circles and polygons and was aroused at the photos in the book, making his dick turn into the shape of a cylinder.

He laughed, showing his yellow teeth and said, "Why don't we take the volume of my dick? The formula is 4 x r^2 x pi x height!"

"Ewww!" screeched Caitlyn, slamming the book on Allen's 6 inch dick, making him scream like Little Bill when Dorothy Zbornak shoved her dick up a little black boy's butthole. "Not here in front of that yellow haired motherfucker!"

Naruto thought Caitlyn was awesome; she was his American friend who had joined his training session last year when she was a foreign exchange student.

He had met her for only 2 months, but they bonded really well during that time.

"Caitlyn, I thought you were back home in Myrtle Beach!" said a shocked Naruto, farting softly in a sweet harmony. She farted as well, making Allen cough up his turkey leg he was eating.

"I just decided to come back and see Sakura and Ino," she said, blushing a little as she ripped a HUGE fart in her skinny jeans, making Naruto's asshole giggle. Naruto gasped! His asshole giggled! But it was only a short giggle, so he was disappointed that it happened only once.

"So?" he asked, farting right in front of her face, causing her to fall over from the ungodly odor. "Why aren't you at their house and not mine? You creeper peice of shit!" Allen started to stroke her toe nails with his pencil, causing her titties to giggle. Naruto was jealous! Her titties laughed too! Why did he have to be an outsider and not have laughing titties?

"Yeah, you caught us all at a very bad moment," said Phillip, who had gone downstairs to get a ham sandwhich. He had the munchies and wanted to eat everything in the blonde queer's kitchen.

"May I make a suggestion, Naruto?" he added. "Seriously, wash all your fucking orange jump suits, or, better yet, why don't you go out and buy some decent clothes instead of wearing something from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?"

Naruto almost wanted to cry; he had never heard Phillip say such mean words about his fashion! Choked through tears, Naruto got the strength and said, "I WANT ALL YOU MOTHAFUCKAS OUTTA THE HOUSE!"

None of them was convinced; they just sat there, wanting to smoke that blue berry yum yum he had in his hand. Naruto had no choice; he pulled out his revolver and shot it into the air 4 times, creating holes in his ceiling. They all screeched and ran and jumped outta Naruto's window, running after the ice cream truck that was going through the neighborhood.

Naruto sighed and farted; he had to take a gigantic shit, yet again. So he kicked off his 7 inch bunny slippers and went into his bathroom. He twisted the knob, but the door didn't open. The door was locked. Naruto let out a shrill scream of horror.

"What the fuck?" he screamed.

He pulled out his magic wand that he stole from Harry Potter and the seven dwarfs and said, "Assbracadookiebra!"

The door was unlocked. He twisted the nutsack shaped door knob and opened it to see something really messed up..

Neji was in his bath tub and Shino was on the toilet. Neji had bubbles comming up to his brown nipples. When he saw Naruto, he quickly screamed like a little girl, covering his nipples. A light blush was on his cheeks. Shino just sat there, his face red and strained; he was obviously taking a shit.

"What the fuck?" screamed naruto.

"Um, hello again, Naruto," said Neji, who was squeezing Michael the rubber ducky that Naruto placed in his bathroom.

"Neji!" shouted Naruto, confused as fuck at the hideous long-haired mothafucker, and even more scared that Shino was in there; he seriously did not like Shino because... his sunglasses look like he stole them from the fucking Dollar Tree and his collar looked like some shitty 80s fashion trend.

"Shino, get your ugly ass off the fucking toilet!" screamed Naruto. He SERIOUSLY had to go. Naruto clasped both of his hands over his asshole, feeling the warm shit touch his hands. Shino let his sunglasses slide down his black head covered nose and said, "I'm pooping, Naruto, can't you fucking see that, you yellow haired baboon?" Shino had the major runs; he let out a juicy fart that lasted about 5 seconds and strained so hard that he felt he shitted his prostate out.

Naruto then saw the second toilet he had in his bathroom and ran towards it, but Shino used his telekinetic powers and naruto couldn't move. "Wait your turn, and keep the toilets clean for personal use, motherfucker," said Shino.

Neji giggled and splashed water on Naruto, making his asshole get soaked.

In response to this, Naruto let out a huge fart, making Shino fall off the toilet, causing him to shit a 3 foot turd on naruto's linoleum. Shino covered his asshole with hands, trying to block it from Naruto's view, but it was too late. Naruto's mouth gaped like a fish out of water. He just saw Shino's asshole! He was suprised he was alive. Shino's asshole looked like raw hamburger meat, hair surrounding his asshole. He had a few dingleberries attached, as well. Some were old, and some were freshly new. Naruto felt blood trickle out of his mouth as he landed on the floor, having a seizure momentarily. God, that was a worse sight than Neji's face. Neji scrubbed his saggy nuts with Naruto's soap and washed his nasty arm pits, letting down his 10 inch arm pit hairs.

Naruto sat up after recovering from the horrible sight. He turned to look at Neji, his eyes narrowed. He had just about enough of this; he never would forgive Shino for the pain he caused him at the Olympics and Neji... Neji was just a fucking weirdo with fucked up eyes. It looks like someone cummed in his eyes. Naruto went over to Shino and tossed his ass outta the window. He landed directly into Naruto's dumpster face first and was flailing his legs wildly to get out. Fortunately for Naruto, it was garbage day, so the dump truck came and picked up his dumpster and Shino got tossed under all the diapers and dingleberries in Naruto's dumpster. He started screaming loudly as opening of the dump truck closed, shutting up Shino tight from the outside world.

The dump truck went over to the local dumping area and flung out an unconscious Shino, barely able to breathe from the putrid smell.

Naruto went over to his bath tub and, to his disgust, picked up the naked Neji and tossed him out of the window as well. For some random reason, a fat girl was directly under the trajectory of Neji, so he landed on her and bounced off her stomach as if it was a trampoline.

"What the fuck you be doing, turd?" screamed the girl, who happened to be African American.

Neji bounced off of her so fourcefully that he managed to land on the roof of Naruto's neighbor; however, since it was a pagoda, the curvature prevented Neji from maintaining balance, so he lost his footing and rolled down the roof, farting really loudly and hitting his nuts against the tiles until he finally landed in the fish pond down below.

The fish pond wasn't really huge, so Neji practically splashed out all of the water, letting the koi flap around on the ground. The pond also had a crab, which pinched Neji's nuts, causing him to scream loudly, and he hopped the fence of the yard and ran home, crying.

Naruto laughed deviously, satisfied with his antics, and sat down on the toilet and took a huge shit. He then got in the shower and went to get ready for his lunch date with Sakura and... above all... Sasuke Renee' Uchiha. Yes, his middle name is Renee'. It's so kinky.

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AN: Glad you enjoyed it!


	19. Chapter 19

Naruto was completely stoked that in a matter of minutes he would be on a so called lunch "date" with his man Sasuke and their pinkette friend, Sakura; personally, he would kick her out of the group and have Sasuke all to himself, but he actually liked listening to what the pink-haired girl had to say. He ran into his bedroom and looked inside his pink carpeted closet to find an appropriate outfit for the occasion, but his options were severely limited due to the fact that he practically everything he wore was an orange jump suit. Naruto hated to admit it, but that weird-ass mother fucking midget named Phillip was right; he _seriously _needed to find something more sensible to wear instead of his gay-ass orange jump suits which looked like a fag space suit that Justin Bieber would wear if he went to conquer the Smurfs' ghetto on the moon. People had before asked Naruto if he wore those jumpsuits because he was a homosexual, but he admitted that he would wear them even if he was straight, so technically, his fashion sense had nothing to do with being gay regardless of the stereotypes that people impose upon him.

He sighed and just put on a clean orange jump suit; later that day, he planned to go to some clothing store and find something more suitable and up-to-date with his style. He let out a huge fart and giggled and was surprised that he didn't shit his panties or anything, since in the past few days, a fart that huge normally produced shit. He wished he could _stop _farting, but it just seemed impossible.

Naruto went back to his bathroom and went to the medicine cabin/mirror above the sink and opened it. He looked inside and found what he needed; Gas-X. He had over 500 packets of Gas-X and a few bottles of Beano. Naruto only sighed. He didn't know why he even bothered trying; he took countless amout of pills, but he still had worse gas than Rosie O'Donnell after eating at Chili's. Naruto only prayed that this would help him stop farting; he wanted to be more mature and in order to prove it, he had to put an end to this flatulence problem. He took about three then put the bottle in his purse and went downstairs to see if Sasuke was coming to pick him up yet in his beautiful Aston Martin coupe; it was black and had 20 inch rims with suicide doors. Naruto knew that he had to sit in the back seat because Sakura always called shotgun, but he knew as well that if he farted, they would probably die from the nauseous fumes emitting from his asshole. He knew that it secretly turned on Sasuke, but he just wanted to quit farting for his sanity.

Naruto looked out the window and did not see Sasuke outside; maybe he was just late. He would be infuriated if that dush betrayed him. But he was certain that his man had a reason for being late, so he pulled out his pink Blackberry and texted Sasuke, "Where the fuck are you, douche?" And within 27 seconds, the typical Asian beefcake replied by saying, "You were supposed to meet us at Sakura's house, you worthless fuck. How did you forget already? You smoke so much of that magical kush that I found for you that your memory is fried, which is probably logical." Although Naruto held back the tears from that insult, he still managed to respond by saying, "I'm on my way."

He put in his headphones and turned on and listened to Hilary Duff's, "So Many Manwhores" as he walked out the door. He turn around to lock the door's nutsack shaped knob when all of the sudden he felt a tremendous force strike his neck.

He fell down to the ground and he landed on his pink and lime green doormat which says, "Please Cum Inside". He loved that doormat so much; he got it custom made in Sri Lanka when he went to search for a special thong for Sasuke that they only sold there. He thought Sasuke would look sexy in it, the thought made Naruto's nipples huge. He shook the thought away, got on his knees, and looked up to see who had attacked him. They were familiar, pimpled covered, not to mention ugly as hell, faces that he knew.

"NARUTO UZUMAKI!" screamed a shrill female voice. Naruto automatically recognized that high-pitched voice; it was Temari. She hit him with her giant fan that she bought several years ago from a thrift shop at the edge of town. It looked like something she stole off the wall of the Red Sun Buffet in Honolulu or from Ellen DeGeneres' bedroom. Naruto, against his will, took a good look at her ugly shoes that looked like something Elton John would wear at Mardi Gras and raised his field of view to glance that her left arm was in a sling; he seriously had no idea how she was able to carry that 38 pound fan with just one hand. She also had an eye patch covering her left eye which looked like something Justin Bieber would wear if he were a pirate. Naruto wondered why she was wearing it; maybe she was pretending to be a pirate or some weird shit like that? When it came to that dush Temari, there was no telling what she was thinking because she was a twisted girl with a lust for young boys like Shikamaru. Shikamaru happened to be standing right by her, and he was carrying a short katana, putting it right next to Naruto's throat.

"You nasty farting mother fucker!" he shouted, wanting so badly to cut off the blonde queer's throat with his razor sharp blade that he stole from Hattori Hanzo. Shikamaru stole many things, the sword being his most recent possession; he had stolen many things from condoms, dog food, dildos, corn syrup, car tires, anything; he was like a pirate, and he was also known as a butt pirate for fucking many people in the rectum. He loved Temari's juicy, hairy asshole because it smelt like cinnamon flavored oatmeal; he only fucked her there since he hated vaginas and he didn't let her suck him since she's a doo-doo head; the bitch _seriously _needs Listerine. For this, many people questioned why he wasn't gay and for a response he told him that he had an extremely sensitive asshole and did not want anyone to touch it, especially with a penis. He also though Temari had some weird breasts; after all, they were coned shape and were about B size with nipples that looked like pencil erasers.

Shikamaru continued to hold the 32 inch blade against Naruto's throat and gave him an evil glance, kinda like what Lil Kim gives Will. when he's trying to steal away her Barbie doll with the dread locks that she bought at the Vietnamese black market back in 1992. "Look what you did to me and my lady!" he shouted so loudly that he broke one of Naruto's windows. "She's broken that beautiful arm that she uses to give me a hand job on a daily basis and now she is blind in her beautiful blue eye no thanks to you blasting us off into that airplane with your nasty as fuck fucking asshole! That airplane was heading towards Jackson, Michigan and now 39 people won't be able to see their family because of you." Shikamaru was about to pop a blood vessel and have an aneurysm just like Chiyo when she found at that she didn't have a date to attend the ballroom dance at her retirement home called Shady Pines.

"Don't be mad at me because you have an ugly-ass pony-tail! Or should I say... pony-_fail_!" screamed Naruto, chuckling softly but automatically stopped when he felt Shikamaru's dick press against his ass. He screamed, suddenly fearing for his life and possibly his asshole if Shikamaru decided to go gay on him. Only God knew what Shikamaru's penis looked like; it was probably malformed with herpes and warts and smelled like Chouji's asshole; the thought made Naruto's stomach turned. He jumped back into reality and replied: "Did they die without suffering?"

"No, they didn't die, dumb-ass," said Shikamaru, who was scratching his nuts in front of Naruto; they were probably shaped like sunflower seeds. "But just think how long it would take for them to get back home, no thanks to you!"

Temari came over and stood before Naruto, mean mugging him with their slanted Oriental eyes, but to no avail because Naruto knew that they were terrible at giving anyone the stink eye since they could never be gangsta.

Naruto wished he could fart so real loudly and send these weird-ass motherfuckers straight into the sky and hit a mountain so their faggot bodies would explode like those birds he shot in the asshole with his 10mm pistol. But he realized that he had taken Gas-X and couldn't fart! Man, how he wished he had it right now and shot them in the ashy feet!

"Hey, leave him alone, you freaks!" said a female voice.

Naruto turned his head to see who said it and saw that it was Hinata. Damn, she had the same ugly-ass eyes just like her hideous cousin Neji! Temari just scoffed at Hinata and said, "Oh, yeah? What's a little girl like you gonna do? Cry for your mommy? You like a little zombie cunt with eyes like that! Are you the centerfold for "Ripley's Believe or Not?" With that, the blonde shinobi let out a devious laugh at her own words, slapping her knees and falling to the ground, queefing in her purple g-string.

Hinata clenched her fists together, but doing so carefully not to chip her recently polished French tips that Chouji painted. She refused to cry and told herself that she would be a big girl, and with that, she pulled out her Pokeball and summoned Vileplume, who looked like a huge Rafflesia flower and a smurf combined.

"Use Stun Spore on those creeps, Vileplume!" shouted Hinata, blushing as she looked over Naruto.

Naruto only wondered what she would do if she found out he were gay; she would probably cry and listen to the Pointer Sisters on her record player. The Pokémon released a glittery gold powder from its smelly head and Temari and Shikamaru were completely immobilized, unable to see Naruto pull down his pants and moon them. Hinata squealed in excitement as she saw Naruto's round ass, wanting to go over there and spank it with the spatula she randomly stole from Spongebob.

"Now you Solarbeam!" she demanded politely, waving at Naruto who almost wanted to vomit. The Pokémon gathered energy from the sun and released a gigantic beam of light from its head, sending them both into outer space, hitting the UARS, landing into the Pacific Ocean but hitting nothing. (Yes, they are the reason why it fell into the ocean.)

Naruto was amazed how well of a Pokémon trainer Hinata had become; he bet that she would be able to beat Naruto in a jump rope competition one day! "Wow. You... you saved me!" said Naruto, getting up off the ground and wiping the dirt off his orange jump suit. "I owe you one!"

"I know just how you can repay the favor, Naruto," said Hinata, batting her eyelashes seductively at the blonde homosexual. She reached into her purse and pulled at her fuchsia colored lipstick and lip gloss and smothered her lips with both, trying to look real skanky. "Kiss me, boy, then fuck me raw!"

Naruto's mouth formed a perfect 'o' as he felt the sudden urge vomit and have diarrhea at the sight in front of him. He reached into his purse and pulled out his magic wand and swung it around over his head like he was about to throw a lasso on Sasuke's cone-shaped ass.

"Abrakokoapuffdush!" he chanted loudly in tounges, emitting a light from the tip of his magic wand, causing Hinata to teleport to who knows where. For he cared, she could be in Hugh Hefner's bed, about to be fucked by his ancient dick.

"That's much better," he laughed, and went over to Sakura's house to meet up with Sasuke and the pink-haired prostitute.

Naruto pulled out his pink iPod that he kept in his Wal-Mart purse and decided to listen to Kelly Clarkson's "Because of You", pretending that Sasuke was singing to him with his husky, manly voice. Naruto only hoped that when he went to Sakura's house that he would not encounter her dad again, even though he would love to laugh at his pink moustache. Seriously, anybody has the right to laugh at it because it looked so fucking ridiculous. He could care less about her dad; the only thing Naruto wish he could do was shit in their house again as a message to upper class suburban people to think more about others and not themselves.

As Naruto approached the pinkette's 4,500 square foot house, he began to think about the juicy and succulent Italian food he would order at the Olive Garden. He probably would be a cheap-ass motherfucker and get something stupid like spaghetti, but he had to show a little more style. Maybe ravioli? He would love to eat macaroni and cheese outta Sasuke's belly button and eat chicken noodle soup outta his asshole. He knew Sasuke had a _huge _bellybutthole; it was so huge he could stuff a can of Pepsi in it, the very thought of which made Naruto's asshole moist.

When Naruto finally reached Sakura's house after about 30 minutes after leaving his house after the weird shit that's been going on, he saw that there was a large parked truck by the curb of the Haruno's house. Sasuke was standing outside of Sakura's garage, smoking a blunt and twirling his emo hair while Sakura was drinking a 40 oz bottle of Sambuca and Sunny Delight. Naruto did not see Sasuke's Aston Martin; where the fuck was that beautiful car that he would love to shove his dick up Sasuke's juicy puckered asshole?

"Who the fuck are those people in the truck?" Naruto demanded with fury as he saw three men wearing Hazmat suits exit the truck and carrying a huge hose over their shoulders.

"Those are the fumigators, Naruto, here to clean up and fumigate the house after where you shit!" screamed Sakura.

"I'm sorry about that, honestly," confessed Naruto apologetically, hoping that his pinkette friend would come to terms with the blonde Asian.

"I... I guess forgive you, Naruto," said Sakura who showed a small smile on her face.

"How long did it take for you to wash your hair, Sakura? I heard you crying, running upstairs about your hair being ruined."

"It only took about 25 minutes, you dush!" she hollered, immediately turning bi-polar on him. Sakura had a habit of wild emotion swings, so this didn't really surprise Naruto at all.

"And your flat screen TV?" Naruto asked curiously. "That was about the hugest flat screen I've ever seen. How big is it?"

"We have insurance for it, so there's nothing to worry about," said Sakura sweetly. "And it's 79 inches, by the way. We got it at Best Buy for 3,400 dollars."

"Damn! How on earth did you manage to get the fumigators here without saying that a queer Asian blonde took a huge shit in your living room?" asked Naruto puzzled.

"We told them that our septic tank overflew in our basement and that it flew into the living," answered Sakura. "Damn, I'm sure hungry!" And with that she slowly rubbed her stomach, as it growled loudly. She giggled slightly. "I'm gonna go to my room and get dressed, so can you two wait a moment, please?" She darted to who room immediately after saying that.

Naruto and his man Sasuke were finally alone together. He looked at that beef cake with the acne ridded forehead and almost a unibrow, but those were the only few flaws that Sasuke had, but then again, they somewhat turned Naruto on.

"Hey, Sasuke, what's going on?" asked Naruto, trying to do his best from blurting out "I love you!" right in front of the raven haired color shinobi emo.

"Heh, nothing much," replied Sasuke looking down at his Converse shoes. "I can't believe you shit all over Sakura's living room! I mean, I know you would do _something_ like that, but seriously, that was a little overboard."

"I had no idea I had to shit that badly!" pointed out Naruto, feeling kinda embarrassed for what he did, but nonetheless, he was very satisfied with what he did because he absolutely hated rich suburban folks who always flaunt about how much more they have.

"I'm surprised you aren't even farting at all," said Sasuke, surprised, yet relieved that he wasn't suffocating on the intoxicating odors of Naruto's ass.

The blonde looked all over his surroundings but no one in sight did he see the beautiful black Aston Martin DB9. "Hey, I thought we were going in your car, dush," said Naruto angrily at Sasuke who had just finished smoking his 3 foot long blunt and shoved it up his ass. Raven haired emo sighed in pleasure as he did this.

"Naruto, you know that you can't fit in the back seat of my Aston Martin!" shouted Sasuke. "We are going in Sakura's car, you know, the one her dad bought her recently? The hot pink Bentley Continental Flying Spur with the 28 inch spinners with the fuzzy pink interior and the horn that sounds like a kitty cat meow? Her dad spent over $250,000 on it, in cash!"

"Um...," hesitated Naruto, scratching his pimply cleft chin, "nope, doesn't ring a bell."

"Oh, you've got to be _fucking _kidding me!" announced Sasuke, folding his arms in his chest. "You would immediately recognize it if you saw it!"

All of the sudden, the two boys heard footsteps approach and they say that it was Sakura; she had on a Oscar de la Renta dress that she got for about $4,000 dollars and her designer Dolce and Gabana shoes for about $,400 dollars, not to mention a pair of bamboo earrings and her favorite pink Fendi bag!

"Sasuke," said Sakura, "stop arguing and just get in the damn car. You, too, Naruto, and sit in the back seat!" They all three got into the gorgeous Bentley and Sakura put the key attached to an obscene keychain into the ignition, making the engine turn over. It sounded like a cat purring! She took out the Will Smith CD that Naruto had just given her the other day and started playing some music. Naruto just wanted to know where the Haruno's got all their money, but he wasn't gonna ask that to the pinkette. Naruto opened the door and saw the luxuriously soft leather seats and sat down on them, listening as the leather started to laugh like Vanna White when Pat Sajack spins her wheel of fortune cookies. Naruto all the sudden felt an irresistible idea fill his head; what if - no! He couldn't. He thought what if he took a huge shit in the back seat of that luxurious Bentley? Naruto's message towards uppity rich bitches would be fulfilled! He strained really hard, trying to shit, but then he realized that he had taken Gas-X. Damn it all!

The blonde saw that built on the back of head rest of the front seat there was a 12 inch TV with a Blue-Ray player in it. He deviously chuckled and turned on the TV and saw a fat man that couldn't stop smiling that was diddling his tight puckered, brown asshole vigorously and grunting in pleasure. Naruto was scared when he saw this and pushed the eject button and saw that there was a label on it that said "Reginaldo Lillonepolsta (my former bf) sex tape." The blonde queer immediately broke out in a frenzy of laughter as he saw the ridiculous name that was on the blank DVD. Who the fuck was this guy with a name that sounded like something he found on the curve of Backyard Burger?

Naruto watched as the hot pink Bentley rolled up to the Olive Garden restaurant. He was so excited about what was to come!

As Sakura pulled into a parking space, a huge, black hummer that came out of nowhere pulled in front of her, making the two cars collide with each other. Sakura just sat there, mouth gaping like a fish out of water. The person who owned the hummer opened the door; it was a skinny man with gray, spikey hair - it was Kakashi!

"Oh shit." Naruto murmured from the back-seat.

"You little motherfuckers!" Kakashi bellowed. "You're _so_ gonna pay for this!"

"W-What? It was an accident, sir!" Sakura whimpered, on the verge of crying.

"I don't give a fuck. All three of you carless teenagers are going to attend my Algebra class!" Kakashi spat, giving them the middle finger.

Sasuke scoffed, "Sakura didn't see your ugly-ass hummer. It isn't her fault."

"Yes, it is! I was trying to enjoy a decent dinner at the Olive Garden. But, you three little silly-billy little bastards had to fuck my evening up! Me and my date were about to -"

"Hold up!" Naruto screamed, interuppting Kakashi. "You actually have a _date_?"

Kakashi scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "What? O-Of course I do, Naruto!"

As if on cue, the passenger door opened to reveal an old lady with short, gray hair. She was wearing a pink night-gown and had more wrinkles than Sasuke's asshole. She looked at the three teens with annoyance evident in her eyes before turning to face Kakashi.

"Who the fuck are these motherfuckers?" the old woman bellowed.

"No one, Sophia," Kakashi signed. "Just go get us a table and I'll -"

"Oh, hell no! This just isn't gonna work out, Kakashi..." Sophia trailed off, slowly walking off.

"Baby, come back. You can blame it all on me..." Kakashi lightly sung to himself as he watched the gray-haired beauty walk off into the distance.

All of the teenagers blinked in confusion.

"Anyway, fuck that old bitch! You guys are going to attend my Algebra class... right now." Kakashi said, smirking behind his mask.

Naruto groaned. When was he ever going to taste the delicious Italian food?

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AN: Hope you enjoyed!


	20. Chapter 20

"Class, take a 15 minute break and have fun at recess," said Kakashi. "It's such a nice day out today, and all you need to exercise your fatasses - especially you, Chouji."

"Fuck you, bitch!" yelled Chouji, who threw a picture of his ex-lover Daquandra at him. She was a girl with some humungous lips and small breasts. She was of course African American, hence her weird name that sounded like something straight out of Tupac's life story. He broke-up with her when he caught her in bed with his grandfather. Chouji didn't understand why that whore would want an old man's penis deep inside her loose vagina anyway.

All the students ran outside screaming wildly, including Gai and Iruka, the older ones. All of the students were in their late teens, but they acted as if they were a bunch of five-year-old's. Naruto went to Sasuke and Sakura and said, "Why don't we ditch class now and go back to Olive Garden like we originally planned?"

"Good idea, but if that dush Kakashi sees us leave, he'll give us detention for life, or until he dies, whichever comes first," said Sasuke.

"Besides," said Sakura, "I like owning everyone's ass in Algebra class. It's like, my job to be better than everyone else in school."

"Well, alright," said Naruto sadly, "do you want to go there for dinner?"

"Sounds like a plan," said Sasuke.

"Yeah, I hope we don't have to stay here much longer, because I am hungry," said Sakura, rubbing her belly which did not even exist.

"Ok," said Naruto, "Well, I'm gonna go play on the swing set, so I'll see you later."

"Ok, see you," said Sasuke and Sakura, who went to play on the see saw.

As Naruto began walking towards the swing set, he saw that someone was already on it; wait he saw _two _people on it! Naruto recognized those two hair styles - it was Rock Lee and Gai, sitting on the same swing! Naruto hid in a bush nearby and watched them more carefully; they were making out on the swing set! Naruto had a feeling that they would be gay for one another; the signs were so obvious, like the times they hug each other passionately and cry with each other like two characters off of a cheesy soap opera.

Naruto pulled out a pair of binoculars that he kept in his purse; he kept a lot of unusual stuff in that purse just in case the occasion called for it, so he took them out and put them on and spied on the two fruity bowl-cut asians. Naruto nearly wanted to burst into a frenzy of laughter at the sight he saw, but he didn't want to blow his cover.

"Hehehe, look at those two fruits who look like Jackie Chan and Astro Boy combined," Naruto chuckled deviously as he watched them make out. While he was doing this, he began eating some gummy worms that he kept in his purse because he was so hungry. "Wait a second…. what the fuck are they doing?" He watched as Gai unzipped his paints and Rock Lee unbuttoned the button that was covering his asshole! Rock Lee then sat down on Gai's dick and Gai began to push his feet hard making the swing go up rather high; they were having anal sex on a moving swing! Naruto began choking on a gummy worm and literally almost stopped breathing until he felt someone perform the Heimlich maneuver on him so hard he spat up his gummy worm and it hit Rock Lee so hard that he fell off of Gai's 14 inch dick and Gai starting coming in the air, getting it all over the swing set.

Naruto turned around to see who had just saved him; it was Jiraiya! That old pervert. He would have to wash himself about 438 times a day to get his fingerprints off of him. Naruto bet that if he went in a black light, he would have tons of semen stains on him.

"So, I take it that you liked what you saw, huh?" asked Jiraiya the 56 year old with a smile on his leathery face. "Meet me in my office in 5 minutes; I have something important for you."

Naruto just shrugged and started to walk towards Jiraiya's office. What the hell did that old man want? As soon as naruto reached his office, he knocked on the door and heard a faint "come in" from the other side. Naruto twisted the nutsack shaped doorknob that looked just like his! Naruto wondered for a second if Jiraiya put some cemement on his balls when he was sleeping, and

"What the fuck?" whispered Naruto, almost scared.

He walked in and saw Jiraiya wearing nothing but a robe!

"I know that you liked what you saw on the swing sets, so I thought you would like to swing on my set!" he threw off his robe and revealed his pasty naked body to Naruto! Naruto looked down at the old men's wrinkly nutsack and put both hands on his face and starting screaming like that little kid off of Home Alone real loudly. He darted out of that office, haunted for eternity and more, screaming and running for his life. As soon as he ran out of the office, he bumped into Kakashi, both of them falling down on their asses.

"Ow!" exclaimed Kakashi, rubbing his asshole in pain, "Watch where the fuck you're going, you little bitch! You hurt my asshole really badly!"

"I thought you would be used to it by now, nigga," said Naruto, laughing at his own joke, "After all, you _are _gay. I saw you getting fucked in the ass by Sai!"

"Mind your own business!" screeched Kakashi, getting very defensive. "First of all, when you saw me, _I _wasfucking _Sai _in his magical asshole. Anyways, what are you doing, screaming and running out of Jaraiya's office? Don't you know not to run in the hallways!" He pointed to a sign that was in Japanese that read, "Do Not Run In The Hallways".

"I-I saw the most disturbing image in my life in his office!" shouted Naruto who was still scarred for life.

"Really?" asked Kakashi, knocking on the man's door before opening it.

Naruto gulped, watching as Kakashi went inside Jiraiya's office. The blonde waited for the gray-haired male to come out, but it seemed to take an enternity. Leaning against the door, he crossed his arms over his chest. Naruto looked at the clock across the hall, above some neon pink lockers, noticing it was 5:32 PM. What kind of school was this?

"See you later, big boy." said Kakashi seductively as he walked out of Jiraiya's office. Naruto studied Kakashi, noticing his hair was messier than usual and he had clear liquid on his lips. Naruto stood there for a moment, before Kakashi noticed the blonde boy's presence. The gray-haired man looked suprised, and slightly embarassed.

"Oh, Naruto," Kakashi said. "You're still here. Um, did you happen to _hear_ anything by any chance?

Naruto only looked at the male before letting out a tiny fart, causing Kakashi to giggle slightly, both of them forgetting the previous situation. Kakashi then went back outside into the playground and said, "Class, everyone please head back to the classroom so we can finish our lecture on Algebra."

Sakura and Sasuke got off of the see saw and Tenten and Kiba stopped playing volleyball. They all groaned with disdain and headed back to the classroom where they would have to listen to that ugly ass Kakashi.

They all sat down in the classroom and Kakashi said, "Let's review our factoring polynomials, shall we?"

Kakashi turned his ugly self around and started shaking his ass like a fruity pirate while he wrote on the chalk-board with the rainbow chalks that he stole from the kids in the neighborhood who kept drawing poorly drawn yet completely accurate pictures of Kakashi getting fucked in the asshole; it was amazing what the kids can draw with chalk on the sidewalk nowadays. Whenever people walked by Kakashi's house and saw those pictures on the sidewalk, they would laugh and point at him - sometimes, several gay men would go over to his house and ask if he was single. In order to get revenge on those kids, he stole an ice cream truck and pretended to sell ice cream and told the kids to come inside to get "the good stuff". Now he has about seven little boys down in his basement that he fucks in the ass on a daily basis, yet he claims to be straight; that is so typical of Kakashi, a hypocritical lying bastard.

"Now class," started Kakashi, "we shall have a pop quiz which will count one tenth of your grade. Let's see," he took about 5 seconds to write something down on the chalkboard, "who can answer this question?" On the chalkboard read. "x^2 -5x+4". "Now this question goes to... Kiba! Alright, Kiba, please give the fucking answer so I can decide whether or not you fail this class for the third time." As Kakashi was waiting for Kiba to respond, Kakashi picked up the newest issue of "Icha Icha Paradise: The Hairy Nutsack Edition". He looked at the naked photos of fat men with lust and wanted to jack off, but the fact that everyone was watching him prevented him from doing so.

Meanwhile, Kiba was texting to Neji, saying "Let's gangbang Tenten later, you know you want her ass out and I'll impregnate her."

"Uh, what?" he asked, looking around.

"On the chalkboard, dumbass," said Kakashi. "This is exactly why you failed two times in a row, you gangsta-wannabe piece of shit with that retarded hoodie you have on."

"Oh, right…" said Kiba coolly looking in the direction of the chalkboard. "Hmm," he thought, rubbing his chin, "Is the fucking answer negative five?"

Kakashi face-palmed so hard that it left a red hand-print on his fore-head and said, "No, you fucking dumbass, why don't you study like your classmate Sakura who always gets A+'s?" He gave Kiba the middle the finger to Kiba, before taking a sip of his Starbucks coffee.

"Let's try easier math, shall we?" Kakashi sighed, writing a few easy math problems on the board.

Kiba was the ultimate prankster who was sometimes referred to as the Johnny Knoxville of Japan; everyone in Konoha knew the stunts he pulled off and his 342 videos on youtube which easily had over 90 million views each. No way in hell was he gonna listen to that ugly bastard Kakashi, so to show how much he really cared, he unclipped his special silk thong he was wearing under his jogging pants and threw it at the other end of the chalkboard, startling Kakashi as he looked at it fall to the ground. Kiba normally wore bikinis, but he was wearing a thong today because he has to work at the strip club as a Chippendale later tonight; he normally works for about three dollars and hour, but he could easily round up $500 in tips a single evening, as well as a few blowjobs.

"What the fuck?" said Kakashi as he looked at the black thong with shit stains on it as well as a few eight inch pubic hairs in it.

As Kakashi was purely focused on the tiny underwear garment for men, Kiba then pulled out a condom and pissed in it, masturbated so hard until he came in it and then tied it up like a little water balloon and threw it at that ugly mother fucker Kakashi. The condom burst in his face, covering him with piss and cum.

"Who the fuck did that?" he demanded furiously, stopping his high heels on the floor. Everyone liked Kiba; no way would they squeal on him, so they pointed at Chouji who was eating a 3 foot meatball sandwich from Subway and a 2 pound bag of Lay's salt and vinegar chips. He grabbed a handful of greasy chips and washed it down with his 4 liter bottle of Pepsi his dad gave him for breakfast. He then released a huge belch, making the ceiling fan shake. The class began to gag on the scent that then followed. It smelt like a fart!

Kakashi walked up to Chouji and tapped the fat-fuck's shoulder, and said, "Is this yours?" after showing him the thong.

"Hell no!" shouted Chouji back with his mouth full. "Do you think my fat-ass can fit in that?"

"Well, it's quite obvious that it can't fit on your fatass, so I guess it's your boyfriend's, huh?" smirked Kakashi. "Why the hell did you piss and cum into this condom and throw it at me?"

"I'm not gay!" shouted Chouji, flapping his arms around like a penguin doing a mating dance at the zoo in Yugoslavia. "And do you think I can reach my dick, you retard?"

"Good point. Chouji, if there is one thing a ninja cannot be, it is a liar," said Kakashi, "and you, sir, are one hell of a bad liar. For your punishment, you must run around the school five times right now."

"But... but..." began Chouji, sad that he would have to be separated from his beloved meatball sandwich.

"Anyway!" Kakashi interuppted. "Let's do some easy-ass math problems, and if you little fuckers can't do these, then you're more mentally retarded than I thought you were! Alright, what is 5 x 2?"

The class was silent, indicating that everyone was stumped.

"Come on, children. Don't be shy - just give it your best shot!" Kakashi urged.

A hand shot up from the back of the class. Everyone turned around to see who it was, and it was no one other than Ino Yamanaka. She was the dumbest girl you'd probably ever meet in Konoha. Ino sometimes forgot where she lived, and even her own name! She was oblivious to people always making fun of her stupidity, which made Naruto sympathetic with the blonde girl. She had platinum blonde hair and was Sakura's best friend. They occasionally argued and bickered about which one of them would end up with Sasuke, but other than that, they were inseperable.

"Yes, Ino?" Kakashi said.

"Um, twelve?" she said skeptically, scratching the back of her head.

Kakashi only sighed, shaking his head. "Alright, now let's get an answer from someone whose not a complete retard."

The class was silent for a few moments, before a arm shot up from the front of the class. Naruto gasped, realizing it was Sasuke!

"I think I know the answer, Mr. Kakashi!" Sasuke said, his voice suddenly shrill and queer-sounding.

A voice from the back of the class mimicked the Uchiha's shrill voice. Sasuke snapped his head to look in the direction of where it came from. He then met the face of Chouji, a cocky smirk on his face as he stuffed his mouth with Doritos. Sasuke raised a brow, watching as Chouji giggled at the emo boy's reaction.

"Shut up, fat boy!" Sasuke snarled, giving Chouji the middle finger.

"Aye! Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew!" Chouji spat, peices of chips flying out of his mouth.

"Chouji! Did you just say the F word?" Kakashi gasped.

Chouji scratched his head, confused. "...Jew?"

"No. He's talking about fuck. You can't say fuck in school, you fucking fat-ass!" Sasuke said, leaning back in his chair.

_"Sasuke!" _Kakashi bellowed.

"Why the fuck not?" Chouji demanded, standing up from his desk, causing the classroom to slightly shake at the impact.

_"Chouji!"_

"Dude, you just said fuck again!" Kiba scoffed.

_"Kiba!"_

"Fuck." Hinata giggled from the back of the class.

_"Hinata!"_

"What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck!" Chouji said, saying the word repeatedly intentionally to get under Kakashi's skin.

"How would you like to go to the school couselor?" Kakashi challenged, putting his hands on his hips in a typical gay fashion.

Chouji stood up from his desk and began walking towards the sliding door, each step he took produced a 4.2 magnitude earthquake in a 20 foot diameter, so the whole class began to shake; it literally felt like the Tyrannosaurus Rex from Jurassic Park was walking through the classroom. Also, every time he moved, his stomach swooshed around and made sounds like water sloshing in a bottle of water and his titties made squishy noises like Jello jiggling. After reaching the shoji, he opened it half way and because he was so out of breath for being so heavy, he collapsed right there, falling unconscious right there in front of everyone.

Everyone watched and blinked a few times, not saying anything. Kakashi looked at the shinobi on the ground and sadistically smiled at him.

"Everyone," he said fiendishly, "point and laugh derisively at that obese motherfucker!"

Everyone began to laugh loudly and rancorously at the obese ninja's 469 lb fatass, tossing paper balls and notebooks at his nuts. He grunted in pain and started crying at the abuse. He just wished he had a gun right then and right now and shoot everyone in the room. Ino went over to Chouji and kicked him hard in the stomach and reached down into his back pocket and stole his Spiderman wallet and the keys to his orange Volvo.

"You fat fuck!" she said with spite, giving him the middle finger, "you are a disgrace to everyone! Hey, look everyone!" she added. "Chouji's a member of the "Powerpuff Girls Fan Club!" Everyone then began to laugh even harder, some of them were falling out of their chairs from laughing so hard.

Tenten was recording the whole thing on her brand new lime green iPhone 4s that Neji stole for her; it was full of apps such as Speedos R Us and "The Ballsack Street Journal", "Willard Quntishimlosvoramp's Porn Palace", the work; she just wanted to porn like practically everyone else her age.

Suddenly, all the kids in the classroom stopped laughing when they felt the ground shake. A loud booming noise was heard in the distance, getting closer and closer. Kakashi simply raised a brow. "Is that an Earthquake?" Kakashi asked.

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Ino. Being the dumb blonde bimbo that she was, she screamed and hid under her desk and started praying in Japanese, but while she did so, she pulled out her crème colored iPhone 4 s and tweeted and put on Facebook "Earthquake! Run for your lives!" and she got 8 likes within 19 seconds. Someone commented on her status, "You dumbass, there ain't no earthquake, it's probably just Chouji sitting down you feel."

Suddenly the door was roughly slammed open, causing the door to break off its hendges and cracking part of the wall off. Everyone gasped in shock as they saw the figure walk in; it was Chouji's dad, Arnold Akimichi! Even though his actual name is Choza, the reason that he went by Arnold, or, more accurately, changed his name legally, is because like Arnold Schwarzenegger, they were both muscular and attractive back in the day, but now they are old and flabby and when they wear a Speedo, people go permanently blind; the more sensitive ones commit suicide. Even Naruto did not even want to picture that, even though he pictured a lot of dudes in Speedos because he was so gay. He even once asked Sai to paint a picture of Sasuke in a Speedo to put on his wall and worship it, but Sai said that he didn't have any blue paints to paint the Speedo blue, which infuriated Naruto.

Arnold was practically twice the size of Chouji, which was saying a lot, since he weighed 883 lbs and was about 7'1 tall. Each time he moved his fat feet, he produced a 5.6 earthquake in a 47 foot diameter, much like a brontosaurus loose on a stampede, kinda like the one Gertrude Lemmons had in her backyard. On his arms, he had a tattoo of a bucket of a KFC 8 piece chicken meal with a corn on the cob and mashed potatoes on his left arm and a tattoo of a triple pounder cheeseburger with tomatoes, onions, bacon, and lettuce on it. He also was eating a bag of chips as he eyed the classroom with pure hatred.

"What the hell is this?" asked Rock Lee, "Meet the Fatasses?" earning a few laughs from the children, especially Gai, his gay lover who had equally greasy hair as he did. They both made-out right there in front of Arnold.

"Why are you little motherfuckers bullying my son?" Arnold boomed. "And you over there with the greasy black hair!" He pointed a finger at Rock Lee and Arnold walked over directly in front of his desk. "So you think you're smart, you're sexy, huh? Who the fuck would ever want to go out with a guy whose hair is greasier than a McDonald's stove?"

Rock Lee just gulped and started trembling in fear, being towered over by the humungous guy. "I... uh, n-n-no…" he stuttered, paralyzed with fright.

"Oh yeah, well, here's what I think!" screamed Arnold, who picked Rock Lee by the neck and threw him onto the ground. He then squatted over him and released a hurricane force fart on Lee, causing him to vomit for a total of eight seconds continuously; soon the whole class was joining him, vomiting on the recently polished floor.

"As for the rest of you," yelled Chouji's dad again, "Don't you know that it is causing him pain? You may look at him and think he is a funny, happy boy, but in reality, he is dying on the inside! Literally! His body mass index is 123%, five times more what it should be! He writes suicide letters at home and at times I have to stop him from killing himself by putting too hot sauce on his food! What do you say to that, you cunts?" He then looked over and saw that Ino had Chouji's Spiderman wallet in her hands. He slowly walked over there, causing producing fissures in the floor, and said, "Ino, what the fuck are you doing with my son's wallet? You blonde bitch!"

"How the hell do you know it's not my wallet?" she fired back. "I happen to like Spiderman as well, so that doesn't give you a right to accuse me of stealing anything!"

"Hand me the wallet _now_," said Chouji's dad, holding out his hand which was larger than a Chinet plate. She dropped it in his hands and he opened it and gasped! "Where the fuck is the money? He had $94 in it and I know he didn't spend that much on that meatball sandwich!" Seeing that there was no point in letting the sandwich go to waste, he picked it up and ate it all at once.

"Hand me the money, skank," said Arnold, getting very infuriated. Ino pulled out her Barbie wallet and gave him four $20 bills, a $10 bill, and four one dollar bills. He took the money and shoved it in his pocket and looked directly at Ino in the eye; he was about 2 inches from her, looking at her evilly. He then grabbed her by the pony-tail and then threw her against the chalkboard, causing it to break off the wall.

All of the students were silent except Ino, who was groaning like she was about to give birth to Chouji Jr. All of a sudden, Naruto started grunting hard then he let out a shrill fart, breaking the silence. He could fart again! He was so excited, he wanted to do the Macarena in front of Sasuke and shake his ass in front of him and make him fall in love with him. Chouji's dad narrowed his eyes at the blonde.

"What the hell are you fartin', for? Ever heard of Gas-X?" Arnold boomed.

Whenever Arnold farted, he caused tsunamis that struck Antarctica and knocked penguins over on their fatasses, making them fall off the iceberg; some of them landed in the freezing water and were eaten by killer whales for lunch.

"As a matter of fact, I have." Naruto stated calmly, feeling a small fart come out his ass. "I have 20 in my purse."

Chouji's dad stood up on the desk, breaking it and landing on his fatass, causing a 6.7 earthquake that hit the building. The desk shattered into a bazillion pieces of wood. Kakashi screamed like Freddy Kruger with a chainsaw up his ass that Whitney Houston was holding while singing, "I Wanna Dance With Somebody."

"I bought that desk for 23 dollars at a Thrift Store outside of Dayton, Maine back in 1998 when I was searching for my soul mate, you fat-fuck!"

"Do you fucking think I fucking give a fuck, bitch?" shouted Arnold. "_You _are the main reason of my son's miserable life! You make him feel like an absolute wad of nothing! That's _exactly _how you'll feel once I'm done with you."

"Now, Choza, let's sort something out—" stuttered Kakashi, scared for his asshole.

"Bitch, my name ain't Choza - it's Arnold!" he shouted angrily.

Chouji's dad threw the bag of Doritos at Kakashi before tackling him, making Kakashi lose his balance and tripping on his 5 inch high heels.

The special garbage bag size of Doritos that Choji's dad had was something he bought from a black market in Qatar. He pinned down Kakashi under his gargantuan ass and began to wrap his banana sized fingers around Kakashi's throat, starting to choke him and slamming his head against the ground without mercy.

All the sudden, Naruto and so did Sakura went up to Arnold who let go of Kakashi and said, "Even though we seriously hate that mother fucker Kakashi, leave him alone! If he is gonna be killed, then it is gonna be we who kill him, not some supersized fat-ass like you."

"So you wanna fight, huh?" said Arnold, clutching his fists together. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out his Pokéball and said, "Go Onix!" all the sudden, the huge rock Pokémon came out of the red ball and roared, destroying the roof of the school.

Sakura and Naruto both gulped; was fighting this dude really worth it? After all, he could pinch them and they would probably have to go to the hospital. Sasuke ran up to the both of them and whispered something in their ears. Then Naruto pulled out his magic wand from his purse and screamed "!" and a bluish pink laser came out of the tip of the penis-shaped wand, causing Chouji's Dad and the huge rock snake to teleport to who knows where; for all they hoped, they could've landed on top of Hinata and smashed her ugly-ass to death. Not that anybody would care that she died, since she was a genuine nobody who didn't have a single friend in Konoha; she went onto places like IMVU and talked to random people from Norway or Belgium.

All three of them high-fived each other and cheered as they celebrated their victory over Arnold. Kakashi, who was hiding behind Kiba, stood up and clapped his ashy hands together, causing ash to engulf the room and making everyone cough.

"That was rather impressive, Naruto," he said gleefully, rubbing his asshole some more. "I must thank you by saying that our Algebra lesson is done for today. You may go back to the Olive Garden, and take this coupon for 5% off your bill." Kakashi pulled it out from his purse and handed it to Naruto who then said, "Thanks a lot, old nigga!" and with that all three of his friends left the Ninja school to go take a shit at Olive Garden.

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AN: Hope you enjoyed bitches and gentlemen.


	21. Chapter 21

Just as the whole class was about to walk out the classroom sliding door sexily, Kakashi announced queerly "Don't forget to pick up a sexy Algebra worksheet that is due next Thursday, and it's Friday for those who don't know the days of the week, like you Kiba!" Kakashi looked down at his light orange iPad and watched his RedTube. All of the students went to his desk and picked up a rainbow colored algebra homework set. It had about 29 problems on it, most of which were simple multiplication problems that were intended for 4th graders, and there were no multiple choice questions. Oh no!

"Fuck you, bitch!" shouted Kiba, flipping his orange and light pink emo hair into a pony-tail and putting his green headphones in his ears to listen to "Notbroken" by the Goo Goo Dolls. He was such a poseur and everyone knew it, even the Korean janitor Soo-Loo-Roo-Boo Jing; that's why they loved Kiba and he had about ten fuck partners that he got off the alleyway beside the preschool and the church.

"Wait, one more thing," announced Kakashi shaking his hips around like Lil Bling on the Sims 3 when he wants to get your attention so you can let him in his room. The grey-haired sensei pulled down his queer purple pants and also pulled down his lime green thong with little blue polka-dots. He revealed to the entire classroom his hideous asshole which needed some serious cleaning; it had dingleberries glued to his asshole hairs and dried shit on his cheeks.

"Eat this!" he screamed as he let out a huge gust of hair escape his asshole and flew across the room, releasing a green gas. The fart was so thunderous that it made everyone in the classroom's lips flap like a dog sticking its head out the window of a car.

The young shinobis all started to head to the door which was blocked no thanks to Chouji's 469 pound fatass. He was still unconscious after doing so much exercise and now he was blocking the stupid door. The only way that they could probably move him was get a forklift and toss his ass over the river edge, but they were aware that if they did that, it would cause a tidal wave that would wash Konoha off the map. This is why they prohibit him from doing cannon balls off the diving board at local swimming centers to prevent flooding the whole building.

"Move your fatass, bitch!" screamed Tenten with her famous aggression that everyone was familiar with. She had a sweet ass, though, that most people wanted to insert a dick in. The whole world knew about her vagina; infested with splinters and dried menstruation clots, but her ass was so round, so fuckable. The reason that her vagina had so many splinters in it is because, (despite her avaricious disposition that she had acquired due to her self-conscious insecurities), she was an ultimate tree hugger. She once went to Washington state and climbed up a fir tree while she was naked so the cool breeze could blow against her pubic hairs and slide all the way down like it was a fire pole. When she was sliding down, she hit her tutu against many branches, knocking off several bird nests and even killed a squirrel! One time, Neji penetrated her tutu after this happened and got thorns lodged in the side of his penis; for the next three weeks after that had happened, people called him "Cactus Jack-off", and he would sometimes run home and cry up in his room, slitting his wrists with his pink kunai as he listened to M.C.R and Good Charlotte, his favorite goth bands.

"I know how to get him up in ," said a voice. It was Iruka, Naruto's backup friend when Sai wasn't around. He wonder what the gay painter was up to at the moment; probably painting a bowl of wet diarrhea. Chouji reminded everyone of Fat Bastard off of Austin Powers.

Iruka then reached into his knapsack and pulled out a blueberry muffin in a brown bag that he got from Starbucks and rattled it in Chouji's ear. Chouji's ears perked up and he farted really loudly, waking up and grabbing the muffin before he ran to the swing set to eat it. But since he was such a fat ass, as soon as he sat down on the swing, he broke the swing off the chain and fell down on the ground, still holding the muffin triumphantly. But then the whole set collapsed and broke the muffin in half due to the 5.3 earthquake he caused. Chouji then started to cry like when Omar Epps just found out after standing in line at a KFC in Augusta, Maine for 38 minutes that they had just run out of chicken and mashed potatoes.

Now that the path was clear, Naruto went to his assigned neon pink locker and pulled out his French notebook and started reviewing his verbs. "Oh shit!" he screamed, looking inside and saw that his French homework was due last week! He was gonna fail for sure! Not that this was a first because this is the third time he repeated Elementary French I.

"Oh, fuck!" screamed Naruto, causing Sasuke to look at Naruto's penis for no apparent reason since that was how the little emo was. Sai was right for once in his fruity life, which was one _huge_ surprise; Naruto practically _was _dickless…compared to Sasuke, that is. He knew Naruto probably had an 8 inch penis with the girth of a pencil while sasuke had a 28 inch penis that was as round as a can of Sprite.

"What the fuck are you screaming at, fag? Chipped a nail?" asked Sasuke, looking at Naruto's poorly done French homework; even though Sasuke was taking Icelandic this semester, but he _knew _that Naruto put down the wrong answers because he knew Naruto's mind. He has been in several classes with Naruto, such as biology, pre-algebra, macroeconomics, and Naruto normally got F's because he never studied due to the fact that he spent most of his time smoking weed with local dropouts from .

"My homework is late!" screeched Naruto, causing everyone in the school to look at him. Sakura laughed at Naruto because she, too, was taking French and said, "Naruto, your French is about as good as a '**'," **she said in gibberish, causing Iruka to laugh, who was looking at Sasuke's gigantic volleyball sized nutsack that held two tennis ball sized nuts. Iruka was probably the gayest person in Konoha after Naruto; many people knew that he and Kakashi probably shacked up in Motel 6 outside of Des Moines, Iowa and shoved corn on the cobs smothered with butter up each others' assholes as organic dildos.

"Um, what did you say, Sakura?" asked Naruto, scratching his abused brain.

"Because Naruto," she began while smiling, "you are nothing more than a idiotic dunderhead and I have the spontaneous urge to disparage your intellect in the most pejorative way possible, so that we may reach a point in our understanding one another."

"Ok, Socrates," said Naruto offended, "don't bite my head off. Sheesh."

"Oh, I wouldn't _dream _of doing so," said Sakura bluntly as she smoked her blunt.

Everyone then left the ninja Academy and headed to the parking lot to their cars as fast as Tommy Vercetti was running from the F.B.I in Grand Theft Auto Vice City while carrying a stash a weed in his pocket and a machine gun in the other. As Naruto entered the parking lot, he watched as Kiba got inside his dark purple Mazda Miata with 14 inch hubcaps and drove off at 53 miles catching the attention of the police, who then pulled him over right there about 34 feet from the school. The told him to get his ass outta the car and he obeyed, then they searched through his car and found a 2 gallon sized bag filled with condoms. Sasuke then watched as the police pulled out their nightstick and smashed the bag of condoms then pulled out their Beretta handguns and shot the fire hydrant that Kiba was parked next to, causing it to shoot water up into the air like a water fountain and getting Kiba's asshole wet. The police then got back into their car and rushed off to Dunkin' Doughnuts to stop Chouji's sister Hannah from _eating the entire supply__. _

_Chouji's sister Hannah was the ultimate fatass…after her brother, of course, and it was virtually impossible to compare him with someone else except maybe Miley Cyrus after she ate a Snickers bar. Hannah was a backup singer for "So Many Manwhores" that took place at a Charlotte, North Carolina Chick-Fil-A and also once sang on the giant karaoke machine in Toledo, Ohio and sang out of tune "Whoop! There it Is" and everyone booed her fatass off stage and threw waffle fries at her. She caught everyone one of them and asked for them to throw tomatoes at her so that she could have ketchup. _

As Sakura along with her two male friends watched by far the most bizarre scene in the history of Konoha, they headed towards her smashed Bentley, no thanks to that motherfucker Kakashi, or, in his case, _father_fucker, in the black Hummer H2 with the 28 inch spinners. Sakura saw the dented radiator and the smashed passenger mirror and got down on her knees like she was about to suck a dick and buried her face in her silky hands from the lotus flower scented lotion she used and started crying.

As Sakura began crying and cursing Kakashi, a familiar face came up to her and placed a hand with recently rose red painted nails and a diamond bracelet on her shoulder.

"Sakura?" said Ino, bending over and looking at her best friend in the eyes. Suddenly, another female figure got down on her knees and looked at Sakura, too. It was Caitlyn!

"Yes, Ino-chan? And…Cailtyn!" squealed Sakura childishly and went to hug Caitlyn and then Ino. "Bitch, how the fuck you be doin'?" Screamed Caitlyn gleefully.

"Nigga, why didn't you tell me you were back?" asked Sakura through her tears, suddenly forgetting about her dilapidated Bentley. "We could've shared a fat-ass blunt together in celebration!"

"Haaaaa!" giggled Caitlyn, so excited to see her favorite shinobi friend in the whole world. "Well, I didn't want to ruin the surprise, obviously, skank!" snorted Caitlyn happily. "My question I wanna ask _you _is what kind of weed do you smoke? Do you roll it up with nori, or do you actually smoke the nori? Cause I'm down for some of that shit, my friend. Anyways, back to your earlier question, my visa is almost expired so I can stay here for only one more week, and I've been here just four days! I had to visit Ino, dush, and now I decided to come see you!"

"Oh, so _she _is your best friend, eh?" asked Sakura with jealousy; she was _not _gonna share her American friend with Ino.

"Well, she isn't my _best _best friend," explained Ino. "I have multiple best friends, but you are _my _best best friend."

"Caitlyn," began Sakura, "how did you get here? I mean, isn't it really expensive to travel from wherever you're from to Konoha?"

"Well," Caitlyn started, "I stole some money from my step-mom's purse; she's a _total _skank, and I also let Allen pay for 90% of the air fare, and—"

"Wait, Allen?" asked Naruto, interrupting Caitlyn, who then got mad because she saw him reach into her purse and steal her lipstick. "That guy who was behind the washing machine with you earlier this morning was your boyfriend?"

"Yes and no, you yellow haired mother fucker," replied Caitlyn, rolling her eyes at the yellow haired ninja. "He isn't here right now because he is repairing Kabuto's Jaguar, and give me back my lipstick, you slush! "

"What the fuck!" shouted Sakura, "what the hell is he doing with Kabuto? Trying to get some evil plots to destroy us? And since when the hell could Kabuto afford a Jaguar? Especially a Jaguar XJ series. By the way, why did you break up with him."

"No, ho," giggled Caitlyn, "he's just doing that for a lot of money. Oh yeah, I caught him in bed with a horse. Although what happens between consenting mammals is no one else's business, I felt that he would get AIDS after taking it up the ass. I wouldn't really say we've broken up, rather, we are taking it slow and trying to sort some things off…" she trailed off. "Besides," she resumed, "you know that silver haired dush with glasses that looks like some nerd off the Big Bang Theory can't do shit; he probably steals his plans off a box of Frosted Flakes he got at 7/11 where Mohammad Baig works for one tenth of minimum wage. Plus, no one likes his Harry Potter looking ass. What are you guys up to?"

They all laughed at the diss of Kabuto; he was by the funniest person in the world…to look at, that is. Seriously, he was the prime center of bullying and teasing when he was growing up; bullies would give him a wedgie by pulling up his Blue's Clues thong into his dingleberry infested asshole and watched as Temari laugh at his small breasts.

"We are about to go eat at the Olive Garden, so would you move your giant sparkly shoes, Ino?" said Sasuke rudely; he never really did have a liking towards Ino's shoes because they were too sparkly for his sexy eyes. Caitlyn just stood there on the side and blew some kisses at Sasuke's gorgeous face that was covered with tons of pimples; she didn't care, because to her, he was her ultimate beef cake.

"He's such a fine mofo," said Caitlyn as she began to melt into hearts as she watched her man walk away.

"You aren't the only one who wants to get next to him," Ino giggled.

Caitlyn farted.

"Well, let's get going, shall we?" said Ino, the ultimate dumbass blonde bimbo that everyone in Konoha knew her as. She then went to a blue Audi A8 L sedan with 23 inch rims and tried to open the door but it was locked! Plus, her klutzy ass made the alarm go off and Tenten rushed over there and screamed.

"Ino…" began Caitlyn worried, "that isn't your car. You drive a Honda Accord, remember?"

"Say what?" said Ino in shock.

"Cunt, what the fuck do you think you are doing trying to steal my goddamn car?" yelled Tenten louder than Avril Lavigne when she was shopping for a mattress in China for her brand new house in Switzerland that once was the brothel owned by T Pain but they had to sell it when they spent their money on investments of salmon. "Now I'm gonna have to go to Fred's Car Wash to get your nasty fingerprints off of it!" Ino started to cry, and muttered to herself,

"God will get you for that, Tenten. Karma's an ultimate bitch, and you know that." As soon as Ino had finished that sentence, she let out a huge fart that made her skirt/pants combo vibrate.

"Yeah, yeah, save the small talk for someone who gives a fuck, which is not me," scoffed Tenten as she rolled her eyes counterclockwise 434 degrees. "Now, if you would _move _your sparkly shoes, which you probably got at the Dollar General, I would like to get home and try out my new two foot dildo I bought this afternoon from Chouji's fat aunt from China, ya' know Chun-Li?"

"Oh yeah?" replied Ino. "Let's fight over it! By the way, that's just gross!" Ino reached into her white Gucci purse with sparkles and pulled out a Pokeball. She was _not _gonna let that green haired slut get away with insulting her shoes. "Go, Goldeen!" she shouted triumphantly as the goldfish Pokémon came outta the custom blonde colored ball. "Goldeen, Goldeen!" exclaimed the Pokémon happily, but, all the sudden, the Pokémon's face started to turn blue! It was obvious that it was asphyxiating for not breathing water, but Ino was so stupid she didn't do anything to help the suffering Pokemon.

"Ino, you dumbass!" shouted Sasuke on the side as he watched as the klutz make a complete idiot out of herself, "Goldeen fights in water! You should know that by now!"

"Oh yeah," said Ino, remembering now that Goldeen can't breathe air. Even though her ultimate goal was to become a water Pokémon trainer, she kept forgetting that they had to breathe in the water, and every time she got into a battle, the audience would jeer at her and she would emotionally die. She luxuriously aimed her expensive ball right at the sexy Goldeen and called it back. Tenten just stood there laughing at the blonde who made herself even more of a dummy than normal.

Ino was doing her best not to let that stupid green haired bitch get the better of her. Ino had _far _nicer shoes than Tenten, who wore little ballet slippers she probably got, or stole, rather, from . Even though it was true that Ino's shoes looked like the pair Dorothy had in the Wizard of Oz, she wished people would stop beating her up over them, especially Sasuke!

"Let me take of this," said Caitlyn, who then reached into her pocket and pulled out an orange Pokeball and threw it against Tenten's forehead. Then, the ball opened and out came Venusaur, making a huge sweat drop appear on Tenten's face. :'o

Scared for her piece of shit life, Tenten hopped inside her 100 grand Audi with the green interior and started to play "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga and she pulled out of the parking lot. The luxurious Audi A8L she had was a gift that Neji had given her aften he won a lost suit by suing Walmart because the regional manager constantly insulted his eyes, and in the end Neji earned $25 million and bought her a tricked out car. It even had a hot water foot bath in the rear seat floor and reclining seats.

Anyways, Tenten was a really shitty driver and she hit the brick wall of Inuyasha's house! Her Neji-shaped airbags deflated and the inflatable penis went in her mouth, squirting breathe freshenerin her mouth! She got out and Inuyasha came out and said, "Oh, hey there Tenten, what's up, boo? Haven't you answered any of my text messages? Well, that doesn't matter. Come on in and I'll think of some way for you to repay what you did to the wall."

"Ok," giggled Tenten girlishly as she entered his 638 square foot house that was painted a hideous shade of orange and had pink shutters. Inuyasha had a terrible since of real estate.

Naruto bet that he wanted her to play with his ears. Seriously, his ears were fucking ridiculous and they were probably softer than Sasuke's asshole on a cold Tuesday in Shanghai. Inuyasha had very delicate and erotic ears that were very sensitive to touch; it was virtually like he had two penises on his head and when someone played with them enough, they ejaculated wax all over the place, enough to make enough candles to fit on a menorah that was two feet tall.

In the background, Naruto and friends watched through the window from the parking lot Inuyasha and Tenten having sex! The image was enough to make Pedobear commit suicide and it was hard enough to make him cry.

"That was rather awkward," spoke Caitlyn as she tapped her boots together, making her beautiful Aston Martin car to appear. It was a light pink shade with 21 inch rims and a Hello Kitty décor on the hood.

Caitlyn watched as her beautiful Aston Martin appear magically, but she noticed that someone was inside. It was…Eminem! Fucking Mulan!

"Please bring honor to us all!" she screamed loudly as Eminem pulled outta her chinky asshole and Eminem got doo doo on his penis.

"What…the…fuck…?" said Caitlyn.


	22. Chapter 22

"Damn!" screamed Ino. "Who is that handsome cracker drillin' that Gook's booty?!"

"That's my man." Cailtyn said dreamily as hearts flew out of her arm pits. "Ain't nobody gonna get down and dirty with him but ME."

"Honey, we'll just see about that." Smirked Ino as she approached Eminem. "Sexy, why don't you put them good lips to use and put them somewhere on me where the sun doesn't shine?"

"Ho, please!" shrieked Caitlyn as she started to walk towards the male rapper. "Kiss my earrings." Caitlyn's earrings were kinda gross; they had some weird whitish-yellow coloration on them and they were real greasy. Maybe it was Crisco or butter.

"I'm gonna jizz in my thong!" shouted Sasuke! Tenten giggled at the chicken ass haired emo. She somehow always had a feeling he wore thongs, but she always denied it to avoid being a creepy ho.

Tenten lifted up her mildew covered shot Eminem with a new juicy dingleberry that was forming in her asshole. She farted so loudly that you could see the green fumes escape from her butthole.

Mulan left screaming and caitlyn jumped into her elegant Aston Martin and turned on some Marshall Lee songs. "I gotta bounce, niggas. I gotta go home and feed Abby!" She immediately left the paking lot at 142 mph.

"Alright, hop in, folks." Said Sakura as she started her car, crying on the steering wheel because her beautiful Bentley got fucked up so badly.

Are we ever gonna go to Olive garden? Thought Naruto.


	23. Chapter 23

"I don't think Buddha is permitting us to go to Olive Garden, Naruto," giggled Sakura as she farted.

"I'm so disappointed, bitch," said Sasuke as he picked his nose.

Sakura looked out the window and saw that Phil, Caitlyn, and Kakashi had walked up to her car.

"What the hell happened, dumbass?" laughed Kakashi as he was reading his gay porn novel.

"My car broke down, kakashi-sensei," said Haruno Sakura.

"So what do we do now?" said Phil.

"I gotta fart," announced Caitlyn. She let out a fart that was about the same loudness as a microwave beeping.

"Kinky," said Phil.

"Who invited you, what's-your-name?" asked Kakashi to Phil.

"If you took the cookies and made a parfait, I'd use your hair as a model," said Caitlyn.

"What the fuck." muttered Sasuke.

"Hey," piped up Caitlyn. "Let's go to a Weeknd concert!"

Sasuke, Naruto, Sakura, Phil, and Kakashi groaned in unison as Kakashi farted so loudly his flesh-coloured fanny pack lifted up.

"Oh, shit, my purse," said Kakashi.

"But, there will be so many. . .," Sakura paused, cautiously looking around to make sure no coloured people were around. ". . so many African Americans there."

"And?" said Caitlyn.

Sakura turned around to meet the vexed expression of Sasuke.

"I'm down with the swirl," Sasuke mused, recalling Devon's chocolate ding-a-ling pounding his puckered booty crack. "Besides, why must you stereotype all of my Afro-haired brethren?"

"We _are _going to this concert!" Caitlyn demanded, twatcking Sakura on her billboard sized forehead. "Dress up as slutty as you can. Don't let Kakashi upstage you guys, because you _know _he keeps a closet full of dominatrix outfits."

Sakura instantly flushed because she recalled Naruto making a major 'oopsie' on all of her expensive clothes when he defecated her house. Plus, her A-cup bras were all ruined. She would have to go and show off her bee sting titties to the crowd. She flicked her Hello Titty nipple piercing and smiled at Caitlyn, "Sure! I think this night's gonna be interesting indeed."

"I'm siked!" Naruto exclaimed, jumping up and down like a kangaroo before immediately stopping. "Wait, can we please not invite Sai? I don't want to bring him along."

"Why not?" questioned Caitlyn.

"He's just gonna bring his stupid turd paintings to show off to everyone, flap his ponyFAIL around in the breeze, and show off his stomach with that gay-ass crop top," Naruto huffed, crossing his arms and cast a quick glance at Sasuke before continuing on, "Plus, I don't feel like hearing about his on again, off again boyfriend Ryan Snipes from South Dakota who is a MAJOR turd."

"Perhaps _that's_ why he paints dookie," pondered Kakashi, taking a sip from his Starbucks drink. "By the way, I think Naruto just stepped in Kiba's doodoo."

"Huh? What?!"

Kakashi pointed to the clueless' boy's shoes. Naruto lifted one of his sexy ninja sandles up, discovering the caked, stinky matter clinging onto the bottom of his shoes he bought from a Dollar Tree is Witchita, Kansas back in 2007 on his trip to an anime convention which sucked pretty horribly.

"I defecated," said Kakashi. He farted.

"Oh, my God! Can dookie PLEASE leave me alone?! It's like the entirety of my life," Naruto screeched in exasperation. "Besides, Kakashi, how do you know it's Kiba's dung? What if it belonged to an actual dog?"

"No," Kakashi objected flatly. "That's definitely human dookie and that _definitely _belongs to Kiba's weeaboo, wanting-to-be-a-dog-so-fucking-badly's ass. He needs to get a hobby instead of wearing that heavy ass coat in this one hundred degree weather. He needs to stop lifting up his leg and taking his lil vienna sausage out every time he sees a fire hydrant. He needs to stop eating dog treats. He needs to stop - "

"Okay, okay! We get it, old nigga!" Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto, and Caitlyn shrieked.

"Shut the shit up!" yelled Sasuke as he threw a condom from his ass purse at Cailtyn.

Phil was unusually quiet because he was playing his orange Nintendo DS! He was on level 4 of Super Mario: Crash Brothers!

"Wait a minute, guys!" Naruto suddenly bellowed, letting out a little toot escape from his rectum. "We don't have tickets and The Weeknd's concert starts in three hours!"

"Oh, we'll get in," Caitlyn grinned mischeviously. "Trust me! Just get ready and look good and Kakashi. . ."

Kakashi glanced up and met the brunette's eyes questioningly.

"Dress to impress," Caitlyn said with a hint of mystery evident in her voice. "You _know _what I mean. And take off that shitty-ass mask you got on. It's fucking hideous like your mom in a thong."

Kakashi grinned behind his mask, tucked his Icha Icha Paradise book into the crevice of his booty crack, and nodded. "My mom may be 5 foot 3 and weighs 247 pounds, but her ass has a liposuctioned 20 inch waist, 60 inch hips, with an ass the same circumference as the sun."

"Who came in her butthole?" asked Sasuke with a smirk.

"Exactly 793 guys in the past three months," said Kakashi.

"So almost 9 guys played with her rectum each day?" asked Sakura.

"Hell yeah," said Kakashi.

The gang then split up, heading to their houses to gather the necessary concert goodies before making their big entrance. Phil, however, remained in the same spot, still playing on his pink, glittery Nintendo! At least he moved up a level and was racing against Shikamaru from across the city.

Sakura, clueless of what to do, ran into her father's closet. Surely he had to have some girly items worthy of a concert! She plundered through his dildos, tampons, and anal plugs until she found what she wanted. "Ah hah!" She shouted in victory as she lifted some white lace panties with bedazzled pink crystals on them and a matching bra to match. Obviously her titties were smaller than her dad's. So, they'd most likely fall out. But, hey, it's a Weeknd concert! Boob exposure is necessary. She threw over a neon pink mesh dress over the undergarments and examined herself in the mirror. "Hmmm," she pondered. "Something's missing. . "

She rushed over to her dad's vanity table, plundering through all of his makeup. She caked on heavy foundation and blended it into her neck. Sakura then applied some eyeshadow, eyeliner and false lashes. She finished it off with dark red lipstick and kissed her reflection. She looked so slutty!

The scene switches to a flustered Naruto rushing home, tooting along the way, hoping Sasuke won't notice.

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Naruto screamed, both hands covering his booty cheeks as air escaped them rapidly.

He was terrified he'd embarrass himself at a concert. Although the music will be loud, and people will be screaming as they diddle each other's buttholes, he was CERTAIN that his farts would overpower ALL OF THAT. He was also scared that when he does a hand stand at the concert, dookie will spew from his anus hole like a fountain. He cringed at the idea of Sasuke seeing him in such an awkward situation. He HAD to look good for Sasuke! He HAD to!

Naruto ran to his closet filled with at least twenty of those UGLY orange jumpsuits that looked like something Elton Jon would wear to prison. As if he had a major selection to choose from, he examined each jumpsuit carefully before picking the one he thought was the absolute sexiest; this one was scandalous; it had a _teal _collar instead of the standard blue. Plus, it had 1980s shoulder pads. After slipping it on over his existing one, he put on a push-up bra and buttpads to give Sasuke something to hold onto as they were grinding passionately on that dance floor. Maybe Uchiha Sasuke's groin would rub against his asscrack. He then rushed to his Hello Kitty shaped jewlery box, pulling out huge bamboo hooped earrings that glittered so brightly that Naruto thought he would go blind if he looked directly into them. He put them on, made kissy faces at himself in the mirror as he applied some shiny coral blue lipgloss.

"Mmm," Naruto moaned, turning around to examine his bubble butt in the mirror. "You're ready, Mr. Uzumaki. Uchiha Renea Sasuke is gonna claim you tonight! He's gonna keep the sparkle in your earrings dancing, you sexy thang." He went to his closet and bowed to his shrine of ramen molded into Sasuke, much like Helga does on Hey Arnold. Sorta. Except this statue had a zucchini for a penis. Naruto placed his ass against the absurd vegetable and started twerking on nit.

"I want your penis brushing my prostate and make it so awesome," said Naruto. He turned on his iPod and played "Atomic" by Blondie and got out a hair brush. "Your hair is beautiful, ooh-wooh, tonight..."

The scene switches to a brooding Sasuke Uchiha walking into his Barbie-themed bedroom, flipping on the cotton candy coloured lightswitch and examining his beautiful bedroom more suitable for a five year old child. But, still, this is Sasuke's swag and no one's gonna change it! Sasuke itched his anus and walked over to his third toilet to take a long and agonizing dookie. His mind wandered over to Naruto's stupid ass, thinking about what fruity number he was going to wear to the concert. He grabbed a magazine that was randomly on the toilet behind him and looked at the naked shinobi girls. His penis grew to 25 inches and he began slapping it against his forehead as a turd plopped into the toilet. He giggled when the cold water splashed against his anus hole and he pushed his penis into the toilet, smashing the turd.

"Oh, shit on my dick and call me Uncle Quilly, that's so damn sexy," he purred. He then flushed it and the suction of the water going down the toilet pipe tugged on his penis as he farted a lot of rhymes with Obie Trice. He came in the toilet. He wiped a few times, stood up, and changed his outfit.

He picked out a gay looking v-necked shirt and some tight skinny jeans. Both were grey that matched his inner soul that was dying within every awakening moment. "Oh, God," Sasuke said. "That was deep. I better right that down in my diary!" Before he could do so, he heard his phone go 'ding-ding-a-ling'. At first, he assumed it was his nuts clapping together in his thong, but no, it was his phone. He picked it up and noticed he had received a picture message from Naruto. Opening the message, he noticed it was an extreme close-up of Naruto's pimple-covered ass cheek. Sasuke shuddred before he deleted the image, throwing the phone in his pocket and headed out the door to meet up with the crew. He would rather be placing his penis near Sakura's anus, but he knew that it was all part of his plan he was going to carry out sooner or later.

As Sasuke approached the spot they were last gathered at, he noticed Phil was still rooted in the same spot, giggling every time Shikamaru lost a round. The two of them were smoking a splif as they drank from the same 47 oz bottle of Gatorade. He stood quietly behind the giggling boy, sneaking a peak at his cleavage every chance that he could get.

"Uh, you know," Sasuke began. "We're going to a Weeknd concert. Are you gonna dress up or nah?"

Phil glanced up, glared at the emo fag, and smacked him against his pale ears. He wanted to cackle as he noticed the emo faggot's ears turning red from his beatings. "Shut up," Phil warned, bending over to let a little toot escape from his butt. "And there's more where that came from!"

Sasuke resisted the urge to cry from getting his ears smacked. "THAT HURTS, STUPID!" roared Sasuke with rage.

Suddenly, Caitlyn approached the two, easing the awkwardness between them. She was wearing a Weeknd crop top with a giant "XO" on it, wearing skinny jeans, wedges, and her hair high in a bun that looked like a pile of cow poop on her head. She grinned ear to ear as she sung several verses from The Weeknd's songs and tooted on Phil's leg. Phil lifted up his leg and farted for almost ten minutes straight before finally stopping. Caitlyn hugged Phil and they took a photo to send to Facebook.

That's when Sakura and Naruto approached together.

"Naruto, you are so gay," said Sakura.

"Yeah, look at your fruity dress; it looks like a Mexican dress Lolo got from a flea market," retorted Naruto.

"Actually, I got it from Portugal,"

"What the fuck? Naruto, you didn't change at all!" Caitlyn scolded the blonde queer.

"Huh?! Yeah, I did! I changed into a new jumpsuit with a teal collar, shoulder pads, and I changed my Depends," Naruto paused, checking his diaper. "Yep! No turds in there yet."

Both Sakura and Caitlyn rolled their eyes.

Scratching his anus hole, Naruto muttered aloud, "Hey, where the fuck is Kakashi?"

Right on cue, the loud clicking of heels on the pavement could be heard from behind them. They turned around to meet the down-right sexy and hot form of Kakashi Hatake. He was wearing a tight catsuit that had a tail on it, his moobs pushed up high, wearing his thigh-high boots with 5 inch heels, his grey hair slicked back into a tight bun, and his ass-cheeks jiggled against the latex with every step he took. They also noticed his usual visible eye was covered with dark glittery eyeshadow and eyeliner that reflected against the moonlight. But...he was wearing a different mask. It was a fishnet mask that was very opaque, so one could not see his face.

"YAAAS, HUNTY! WERK!" Caitlyn shrieked, snapping her fingers in approval.

Kakashi twirled around a few times, showing off his curvy figure. He started dancing like Julie Andrews in "The Sound of Music", making his tail slice the oxygen and nitrogen molecules. "Thank you, thank you," he said smoothly as he blew a kiss. "You guys can't tell, but I'm wearing red lipstick behind this mask. Tsunade did it for me!"

The five of them walked into the concert hall, waiting in line amongst the many eager people ready to see The Weeknd preform live. They giggled eagerly amongst themselves and Naruto even farted a little. As they approached the security guard to take their tickets, Kakashi lifted up his boobs a bit extra higher. "Hey, we need seats for five people," Caitlyn said, smiling at the guard almost _too _sweetly.

"Let me see your tickets," the guard demanded.

"Well, see, we don't have tickets," Caitlyn muttered sheepishly. "But, we have something to make up for it."

She gestured for Kakashi to approach the guard, but instead Sakura mistook it as her cue. She lifted her braless chest and showed the guard her bee sting tits and smiled seductively.

"So, whaddaya say? We can have five tickets for the front row? I'm the prettiest Japanese broad, I got no bra, nipples are so hard."

"Hell nah, bitch! Yo tits look like mosquito bites! Heck, they don't even look like THAT. I've never seen titties that itty-bitty." The guard shook his head, and pointed them to the back of the line.

"Bitch, those titties are still smaller than that of a fetus," said Kakashi as he pushed Sakura out of the way, pulled his latex top down, letting his moobs spill over. The guard's jaw dropped, and immediately let the five go in. The crowd from behind groaned loudly in envy.

"YAS, KAKASHI! I can't believe your sexy moobs actually got us in!" Caitlyn cheered, jumping up and down.

"Oh, believe it honey," Kakashi said sassily. "These tits have gotten me into many concerts before. Oh, and my anus hole, but that's another story. It's been used by so many niggas in the slammer with their stiff hammers. And yes, ain't nothing changed, dez titties still bananas."

Everyone sweatdropped exept Kakashi.

They went into the concert area, noticing it was crowding up with a bunch of niggas and what-not. The five empty seats in the front row were reserved for them and they made their way up to the front when they noticed a certain pine-strawed hair looking mothafucka sitting RIGHT behind them!

"Akimichi Daniel Chouji!"

Said person looked up from his bowl of chili and smiled at the group.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" Naruto shrieked. "We thought we'd be the only white/Asian ones here."

"The Weeknd was in town, so, you know, I decided I'd enjoy the show," Chouji smiled, inhaling another spoonful of chili. He coughed and farted on his 469 lb fatass.

"Um, Chouji, why do you have an empty seat beside you?" Phil asked curiously.

"Oh, that," Chouji said, tossing the spoon into the giant bowl of chili, watching it sink to the bottom. He then sat the giant bowl of chili into the empty seat. "I needed room for my chili!"

"You are _such _a fat-ass!" All of them screamed at once.

"So what?" remarked Chouji. "I still get more anal sex than Sakura!"

"Whose butthole did you cum in, Chouji?" squeaked Kafartshi.

He ignored the question. As soon as they sat down in their seats, the lights dimmed. In fact, it was pitch black. The audience screamed with excitement and Naruto contributed by letting out the loudest toot of his life in which somebody a few seats back shouted, "Ew, who farted?!"

"I did! Whoooo!" screamed Caitlyn as she took off her shirt and let her 44 E titties jiggle all over the place. They smacked her in the face and she sat down.

Smoke erupted from the stage, green strobe lights started blinking, and the crowed screamed louder and louder until Naruto thought the earwax in his ears were gonna fall out. "Damn, these niggas loud as fuck!" screamed Naruto, but no one could hear him over the loud screaming and build up of the music.

When The Weeknd appeared on stage with his pineapple head, everyone stood up and started screaming even louder. Naruto stood up, trying to dechiper what possessed Weeknd to style his hair like that. But, then again, he couldn't talk, considering his hair looked like multiple slices of cheese stacked ontop of his orange-shaped head.

He noticed that Kakashi begun twerking when the bass hit. His booty cheeks were flapping up and down as he moved his hips faster to the music. The concert area was shaking and vibrating from the loud music. A group of black girls surrounded him yelling, "Go, Kaka! Go, Kaka! Go, Kaka!" which eventually attracted the attention of The Weeknd.

"Hey, wait a minute," The Weeknd said into the mic. "Bring that big ball of pure sex on the stage."

Both Phil and Caitlyn exchanged weary glances.

Kakashi stood on the stage, the spot light on_ him _now. The crowd continously clapped their hands. Some cheered, some laughed hysterically at Kakashi's horrid appearance. The Weeknd didn't know what to think, but his anus hole was moist.

"What's your name, baby?" Weeknd asked.

"Just call me Kaka, darling," Kakashi responded, batting his eyelashes.

"Can you, uh," Weeknd paused when Kakashi bent over to show his booty crack to the audience.

The entire crowed in the arena started gagging and hurling. Phil facepalmed so hard, whilst Caitlyn hid her face in her shirt. Naruto just stood there, letting a long, continous fart slip out of his ass cheeks. Sasuke was indifferent to the whole situation, and was trying not to cry from re-reading poetic material in his head. Sakura was joining the crowd as she threw up all over herself.

"Okay, okay," The Weeknd said, stopping Kakashi from blinding anymore audience members. "I was going to ask, 'Can you sing?'"

"HELL YEAH, I CAN SING!" Kakashi yelled into the mic, suddenly belting out random lyrics from Chingy.

"Dude, that's _soooo_ 2005," Weeknd muttered. "Guards! Take this nigga off the stage."

"NO!" shouted Kakashi. "It's CHINGY! OVER THERE! WITH A MACHINE GUN! OH SNAP, MUTHAFUKA!"

"It is me, Chingith, and I am seeking revenge on Ludacris!" said the light skin dude with an M4A1 machine gun. He aimed it towards Naruto's head.


End file.
